The bracket is
here. The password is "boobs".
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The "everybody gets a trophy" mentality that has swelled the Best Picture Oscar pool from 5 to 10 films, even though the last 5 films added to the list have the same chance to win that they would have had if they had never been nominated in the first place, has now come to March Madness. Looking to eliminate the cries of "what about us" from the tournament also-rans, the field this year has been increased from 65 to 68. And while I hesitate to complain about more tournament basketball, how many times in the next 100 years will team 66 through 68 win the championship? Zero. How often will one of them even make the Final Four? We've only ever had one 11 seed or lower make it. So... zero.
The point here is not to influence the outcome of the later rounds of the tournament, but to give more content to the earlier rounds as part of the new TV contract. No longer does CBS have sole broadcasting rights. Instead, CBS, TNT, and truTV (which is a real network with shows and everything) will be splitting the duties. The additional play-in games will be broadcast on truTV, which raises a philosophical question: if a basketball game is broadcast, but its on a channel that nobody has, does it make a sound?
A more pressing question: CBS had always served as a de facto "Red Zone" style March Madness channel, with coverage swapping to the hottest games. Now, if the hot game is on TNT, are they going to alert me? Are they going to switch to it? Or will I have to switch to TNT on my own, LIKE A GODDAMN CAVEMAN? They had such a good system in place. God help them if they fuck it up.
On to the brackets!
- I have paid even less attention than usual to college basketball this season. Looking at the one seeds, I see Ohio State, which is always over rated in everything. I see Duke, which won the tournament last year, and Jesus wouldn't allow that to happen again. I see Pittsburgh, which just doesn't look right. Is basketball important enough in Pittsburgh that they would let their star player rape a girl in a bar bathroom? No, right? They only do that for football - Pittsburgh is classy like that. I say none of them make it past the Sweet 16.
- The breakout star in college basketball this year is Jimmer Fredette, who plays for BYU. Jimmer is not his nickname, it's his actual name, which means Sarah Palin somehow had a hand in naming him. Have you ever heard of the BYU Honor Code? Having a Maxim Magazine in your room is considered "pornography" and puts you in violation of it. That is why we will never elect a Mormon president. Anyway: Jimmer will carry them for two games, then hit a cold streak in the Sweet 16, at which point BYU will get blown out and Jimmer will cry. In other words, Jimmer is this year's Adam Morrison.
- I just got NCAA Football 10 from Gamefly, and tried to start a dynasty with the University of Houston. After my quarterback threw his fourth interception against UTEP, I reset the game and started a dynasty with the University of Texas. I am very pleased with Texas, and expect them to make a Final Four run.
- Speaking of which: The Final Four is in Houston. The last time a major national sporting event was in Houston, Janet Jackson showed us her very elaborate nipple piercing. Also, if Texas makes it to the Final Four, they will win their first game and make it to the national championship, to be blown out by...
- Kansas.
