Before we begin, a podcast recommendation. Go to iTunes (or right here) and listen to ESPN's Gambling Insider Chad Millman talk with the winner of the Vegas Hilton SuperContest. It is an uplifting story of a man, a SuperContest, and winning a goddamn assload of money betting on football. Also, I WILL be running an ObscureCraft SuperContest next year with the same rules as the Hilton SuperContest, but much smaller prizes*. Now, onto the picks!
*There will be no prizes.
Baltimore (+3) over PITTSBURGH
My dreams of a Vick v. Roethlisberger Super Bowl match up are now dashed like so many other dreams I've had. These two teams split the season series, with each one winning in the other's stadium. This game is in Pittsburgh. I like patterns. Done deal.
ATLANTA (-2.5) over Green Bay
Fucking Philadelphia. First they ruin my NFL season with a comeback win so epic that for the next 100 years every time the Giants lead somebody by three touchdowns in the fourth quarter I'm going to have to hear about that shit. Then, they ruin my football suicide pool season with an epic choke job at home on Sunday Tuesday night against the Minnesota Vikings (featuring Joe Webb). THEN they go and ruin my chance at a 4-0 round one by blowing a game that Mike McCarthy was trying to give away like it was herpes. Jesus Goddamn Christ, Andy Reid! You are down by two scores and there are only six minutes left!! HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN ANYONE RUN THE HURRY UP OFFENSE? Here's a hint: that thing you do when you pull up to an all you can eat buffet with only 5 minutes left before they close? THAT'S THE HURRY UP OFFENSE. DO THAT EXCEPT ON A FOOTBALL FIELD AND WITH LESS COCKTAIL SAUCE.
Anyway: Mike McCarthy is a terrible coach, Atlanta has lost two games at home in the last three years, and Matty Ice is one good postseason away from an Atlanta brewery producing a crappy beer with his nickname on it.
Seattle (+10) over CHICAGO
I don't like to read other people's columns before making my picks, but I somehow ended up reading Bill Simmons' today before getting down to this, and he pulled a parallel that cannot be ignored: Cardinals over Panthers in the playoffs three years ago, when Jake Delhomme self destructed to the tune of five interceptions. The parallels are eerie: an NFC West champion that many argued shouldn't have been allowed into the playoffs pulls off a round one upset at home. They're given no chance against an over-rated team with a shaky quarterback. Plus, Seattle beat Chicago in Chicago already this year.
Also, if you haven't seen this, please watch with the sound ON:
NY Jets (+9) over NEW ENGLAND
This week has just been delightful. To recap:
Rex Ryan calls out Bill Belichick like they were making a movie trailer. This time, IT'S PERSONAL.
Antonio Cromartie (he of the 6 or 7 children, I mean, who can keep track of how many and what their names are after a certain point, right?) calls Tom Brady an asshole.
Wes Welker holds a press conference and manages to use some variation of the word "foot" at least 11 times.
I'm sure I'm missing something. Point is, the Jets have overachieved since Rex Ryan arrived last year, and I attribute it entirely to him being a blustering loudmouth. And I LOVE IT. There's no way you could be a player on the Jets and listen to him day in and day out and not become convinced you are the most talented group of individual football players ever assembled, PERFORMANCE ON THE FIELD NOTWITHSTANDING. It makes me want to buy this.
Last week: 3-1 Regular season: WHO GIVES A FUCK ITS THE PLAYOFFS NOW WOOOO!!!
