January 2011 Archives

[Each year, Jesse and Jim offer our expert Oscar predictions leading up to the Annual ObscureCraft Oscar Prognisticate-Off. Email your picks in each category to craftj2@gmail.com to enter. Keep track of everybody's picks here. Part 1, in which you can see for yourself that Jesse correctly predicted 10/10 Best Picture nominees, is here.]

Film Editing

The nominees: "Black Swan," "The Fighter," "The King's Speech," "127 Hours," "The Social Network."

Jesse's pick

Jim, you and I both consider this a major category, so let's start here with what I consider to be the second biggest snub of the night - and both, by the way, involve Inception. You've already stated your ambivalence towards the film, which leaves me to play the role of fanboy against the critical backlash. Although critical backlash may be a strong phrase, because it implies there was a critical acceptance in the first place, and just about every critic was falling over themselves to be the first to declare that Inception wasn't all that great, actually. I just don't get it. I'll agree with you that Inception worked on a higher level as a technical achievement than as an emotionally gripping tale of a man struggling to get back home to his children, but as a technical achievement I found it to be thrilling. Whether or not it was the "best" movie I saw this year, it was certainly the most entertaining and was, in the words of South Park, awesome and trippy and cool. Or maybe the Academy doesn't like Leonardo DiCaprio's furrowed brow? After all, Shutter Island was completely shut out as well.

Which leaves us to pick a winner. I haven't seen 127 Hours, but I hear that the movie does a masterful job of handling the scene where James Franco cuts his arm off (which, to bring us full circle, is why I didn't see 127 Hours - gah!) But my bet is that The Social Network, with its juggling multiple time frames as we jump from deposition to deposition, brings it home. Movies that deftly thread together multiple stories and time frames in a cohesive and propulsive manner tend to win this award. Unless they are Inception, in which case they don't get nominated.

The winner: The Social Network

Jim's pick

Despite my lack of love for Inception, I do believe that it most certainly deserved an editing nod. Seriously, it was an extremely well constructed film -- which is what you expect from Christopher Nolan -- and the climactic sequence that took part along several different layers of dream, each with a different time scale, really drove that point home. But the Academy did not agree, so Inception has go to wee wee wee all the way home.
Set aside the crew race sequence for a moment. The Social Network looked and felt like every other David Fincher film. The same black-green color palette that dominated Zodiac, Fight Club, and AlienAlienAlien (that's Alien^3, if you were wondering). I'd forgive the Academy voters for finding it off-putting.

I mean, weren't you stunned at all the nominations and love for True Grit? 10 nominations? That's a huge number that basically came out of nowhere. I think there is alot more love for this film than you are giving it credit for, and, also, your head was correct: ROGER DEAKINS ALWAYS WINS.

Pick: True Grit

Sound Editing

The Nominees: Inception, Toy Story 3, Tron: Legacy, True Grit, Unstoppable

Jesse's pick

ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED FILM UNSTOPPABLE, STARRING ACADEMY AWARD WINNER DENZEL WASHINGTON AND ACADEMY AWARD NOMINEE THE UNSTOPPABLE TRAIN AKA A MISSILE THE SIZE OF THE CHRYSLER BUILDING!!!! God I love the technical categories. And Denzel. I keep coming across Inside Man on one of those HD movie channels, and I start watching it every time, because I know I'm never more than a few minutes from "Thank you, bank robber" or "This ain't no bank robbery!" Is Inside Man the most underrated movie ever made in the history of all-time? Is there any conversation I will not derail to talk about Inside Man?

There is an inviolable rule of the sound categories: you always pick the cartoon or the musical. Therefore, Toy Story 3 is the winner. I dare you to defy me Jim!

The pick: Toy Story 3

Jim's pick

Oh man, I feel really bad that I missed seeing Unstoppable. It's going to be at the top of my Netflix queue when it comes out, and I plan on getting a little drunk and enjoying the hell out of that Unstoppable train. Speaking of Unstoppable, did you see that the trailer for this new Nic Cage movie? It's called Drive Angry and it's shot in 3D. Boo-yay.As for Inside Man, I agree with you ten hundred percent -- it's the most enjoyable of Spike Lee's films. Great cast, tight script -- and yeah, Denzel -- and the always-enjoyable Chiwetel Ejifor too.
Sound Mixing

The pick: Inception

Jesse's pick

Jim, how DARE you do research to debunk my lazily tossed out rules of thumb. Have you already forgotten my expertiseness has been made official by my correct prediction of all 10 Academy Award nominated films, a fact which shall heretofore shield me from all incorrect prognostications vis a vis these Oscars and which I will bring up at any opportunity? Besides, this is the Oscars, where facts have no relevance. "The Company Men" is a great example. An Academy Award winning cast! Jim, we're going to make your movie about a post apocolytic genius janitor delivering mail in Boston - Good Postman Hunting In The Town Baby Gone - except I want it to be starring Roger Deakins, written by Marisa Tomei, and directed by Nicholas Cage. Maybe we can get Three Six Mafia to do the cinematography. So much Academy Award winning-ness!

As for the award itself: Inception wins this award because there is no category for Best Oboe.

The pick: Inception

Best Supporting Actress

Nominees: Amy Adams (The Fighter), Helena Bonham Carter (The King's Speech), Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit), Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom)

Jesse's pick

I think we will both be shocked if the Academy doesn't fall over itself giving this award to Hailee Steinfeld, so let's instead talk about one of the few controversies in this year's field of predictability: what the fuck is Hailee Steinfeld doing in this category?

Or should we? I mean, isn't that what the Academy wants? Aren't they doing this to drive me crazy, just so we'll talk about it and therefore keep the Oscars relevant? She was in every scene, Jim! IN EVERY SCENE! EVERY!!! SCENE!!! GAAAAAAAAAAH THIS IS SO DUMB

Okay, I'm better.

Anthony Hopkins was in only 16 minutes of Silence of the Lambs and he not only was nominated for Bet Actor, but he won! 16 MINUTES!!!! Listen, this is simple. If you are in over half of the movie, you are a lead. Less, then you are supporting. Can you get behind these common sense reforms, Jim?

The winner: Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit)

Jim's pick

Look, I know research is evil. Global Warming is just a "theory" -- like evolution -- and blood libel is simply a compound word. But I'm evil, so I've got no problem doing research.
The pick: Christian Bale

Jesse's pick

For the love of god, we have to keep Christian Bale away from the Olsens until we get the next Batman movie. Everybody's fake-growly Batman accent would seem like a pale comparison, and then it would just sound SILLY. Today's fun Batman rumor: they do a fourth one where the bad guy is played by Robin Williams, at which point we all agree to pretend it never happened.

We are in violent agreement about this: Christian Bale will be given the award so that the other attendees have a fighting chance of making it out alive before Bale tears the room apart with his intensity. Remember that season of 24 when Jack Bauer got addicted to heroin so he could fit in better with the Mexican terrorist drug cartel? I bet Christian Bale did that for this role. I bet he got addicted to drugs, Jack Bauer style, so that he could actually be a recovering drug addict to better portray the part. I haven't seen the movie, but everybody who wasn't a former teen idol pop sensation apparently got nominated for their performance in it just by virtue of being within his sphere of ACTING.

Christian Bale is humorously dedicated to his craft.

The pick: Christian Bale

Before the 2011 Oscar Nominations are released Tuesday morning, Jesse and Jim share some thoughts on Oscar buzz and the year in movies.

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Jesse: So what are you thoughts on some of the winners? Christian Bale for Best Supporting Actor, Natalie Portman for Best Actress, Colin Firth for Best Actor, The Social Network for Best Picture, David Fincher for Best Director?

What? The nominations haven't come out yet? That can't be right. Because it seems like all the major categories are already sewn up in what has to be one of the most predictable, boring Oscar seasons I have ever seen. Don't believe me? Watch me predict all 10 Best Picture nominees correctly:

127 Hours
Black Swan
Inception
The Fighter
The Kids Are Alright
The King's Speech
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone

DONE DEAL. And the worst part: there's nothing to get angry about! Is that the worst part about this 10 film nomination process we have now? I can't be infuriated because Inception got booted to make room for The Fighter. I can't make an impassioned plea that creating an Animated Film ghetto category is keeping the reliable brilliance of Pixar from being recognized year after year. I'm sure somebody, somewhere will get upset about Blue Valentine getting snubbed, but isn't me, because that shit looks DEPRESSING.

And I'm not the only one who thinks that this year's Oscar slate is already written in stone. Check out this Salon.com article about predicting the worst Oscar snubs.

If those are the worst snubs we can come up with, then what does that say about this year in film? Sorry if I don't get too bent out of shape by the Academy failing to recognize the brilliance that was Zack Galifianakis in "It's Kind of a Funny Story." Do you agree with me that this was an incredibly weak year for movies? I'm not just talking about the Academy baiting fare, either: the Suze and I went months without going to the theaters waiting for something worthwhile to come out. I saw Inception twice because I wanted to get out of the house. I saw something called "The King's Speech" with a cast of nothing but British people (okay, okay, I actually loved The King's Speech, but that's not the point; the point is that I would bring myself to see it in the first place).

Set me straight, Jim: what brilliance have I missed?

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Jim: You haven't missed anything. Except maybe the five hours of your life that you spent watching Inception. That one part where the guy from 3rd Rock was floating in the hotel hallway was pretty sweet, but I found the film to be pretty high on technical flash and devoid of substance.

I've barely been to any movies this year -- and I used to see everything. Off the top of my head, I only remember seeing Inception, Toy Story 3, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, True Grit, Black Swan, Harry Potter, The Expendables, and The Social Network in the theater this year. That's less than one a month.

Clearly, that makes me eminently qualified to opine on the Oscars.

I think your nomination list looks pretty good. But I want you to look back at last year. You are missing the movie that has no business being on the list. The random movie that comes out of nowhere and hits you from the blind side. Like last year when the black remake of My Giant got nominated. (Seriously, Billy Crystal must have been pissed about that one.)

So, I'm saying that Winter's Bone doesn't make it. In its place must be something feel good, something hackneyed, and something with no chance of winning. Seabiscetariat should fit that bill nicely.

I'm going out on a limb with that prediction, and that says a hell of a lot.

In a few hours we'll know for sure. But i have a feeling that this year's pool is going to come down to the little categories and the winner of the Portman/Benning race.

And that is the most depressing thing about this year in film-- Natalie freaking Portman just may win an Oscar.

My dreams of a Vick v. Roethlisberger Super Bowl match up are now dashed like so many other dreams I've had. These two teams split the season series, with each one winning in the other's stadium. This game is in Pittsburgh. I like patterns. Done deal.

ATLANTA (-2.5) over Green Bay

Fucking Philadelphia. First they ruin my NFL season with a comeback win so epic that for the next 100 years every time the Giants lead somebody by three touchdowns in the fourth quarter I'm going to have to hear about that shit. Then, they ruin my football suicide pool season with an epic choke job at home on Sunday Tuesday night against the Minnesota Vikings (featuring Joe Webb). THEN they go and ruin my chance at a 4-0 round one by blowing a game that Mike McCarthy was trying to give away like it was herpes. Jesus Goddamn Christ, Andy Reid! You are down by two scores and there are only six minutes left!! HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN ANYONE RUN THE HURRY UP OFFENSE? Here's a hint: that thing you do when you pull up to an all you can eat buffet with only 5 minutes left before they close? THAT'S THE HURRY UP OFFENSE. DO THAT EXCEPT ON A FOOTBALL FIELD AND WITH LESS COCKTAIL SAUCE.

Anyway: Mike McCarthy is a terrible coach, Atlanta has lost two games at home in the last three years, and Matty Ice is one good postseason away from an Atlanta brewery producing a crappy beer with his nickname on it.

Seattle (+10) over CHICAGO

I don't like to read other people's columns before making my picks, but I somehow ended up reading Bill Simmons' today before getting down to this, and he pulled a parallel that cannot be ignored: Cardinals over Panthers in the playoffs three years ago, when Jake Delhomme self destructed to the tune of five interceptions. The parallels are eerie: an NFC West champion that many argued shouldn't have been allowed into the playoffs pulls off a round one upset at home. They're given no chance against an over-rated team with a shaky quarterback. Plus, Seattle beat Chicago in Chicago already this year.

Also, if you haven't seen this, please watch with the sound ON:

In between serving up unwed teenage mothers and the evolutionary end-point of upper class Italian-American entitlement for the satisfaction of the national id, MTV will occasionally dabble in the teenage self-improvement genre. The most successful of these shows is "Made", which documents  the transformation of, say, an unathletic dork into a basketball player through a combination of professional training and, no doubt, rehearsed on-camera dialogue with envious peers. Now comes "I Used To Be Fat", which takes that specific episode of "Made" - the fat teen who wants to be a thin - into a series.

The rhythms of the show are predetermined. We will watch the overweight teen in their natural habitats, either lounging in their bed or eating (in the episode I watched, these activities were frequently combined). We will marvel at their fatness. We will wonder: yes, she is 260 pounds, but how tall is she? A personal trainer will show up to berate her and her enabling mother. She will be dragged, kicking and screaming and eating, to the gym for some exercise. After no more than 45 seconds of exercise, she will be moaning, crying, sweating profusely, and threatening to vomit. AND IT WILL BE GLORIOUS

But as the title of this post would indicate, the show I really want to watch is called "I Am Fat", in which overweight teens are dragged from their beds, mocked for their weight, forced to humiliate themselves in the gym, and then sent home in quick succession. In the actual show, the teens overcome their adversity, improve their physical condition, lose weight, go shopping for new clothes, go out to a party, feel good about themselves, and bore me. WHERE IS THE NEXT FAT TEEN TO BE BERATED BY THE FORMER MARINE PLEASE.

This is also why I always watch the season premiere of The Biggest Loser, but never the finale.

It's been a rough season, so I decided to rest my starters last week going into the playoffs. You gotta stay fresh! Here we go.

SEATTLE (+10) over New Orleans

You've heard it over and over again: division winners host playoff games because the regular season has to MEAN SOMETHING. Divisional rivalries have to MEAN SOMETHING. You know what makes football mean something? WELL PLAYED FOOTBALL. One of the best regular season games I've ever watched was the Giants and Patriots in the conclusion to the 2007 season, when the Pats and G-Men went toe to toe in a game with absolutely no playoff implications, only the 16-0 season on the line. Because that was a 16-0 team and an eventual Super Bowl champ throwing haymakers. Anybody who watched the Sunday night game between the Rams and the Seahawks saw a less entertaining version of this.

The Seahawks suck, and no playoff format justification is going to change that. In fact, as a result of this atrocity, real-life Fathead Roger Goodell is already weighing the option of re-seeding the playoffs so that division winners don't automatically get home games.

Not good enough. If we really want change that we can believe in, the Seahawks have to win a playoff game. And they will.

WHAT? Jesse you are the world's worst gambler, you are no doubt saying to yourself. I say: the only thing that will drive the football universe more insane than a 7-9 team in the playoffs is that team moving on into the second round. SUCK ON THAT ANALYSIS NATE SILVER.

Here's some real analysis. Seattle has one of the loudest stadiums in the league. The Saints' top two running backs are out injured. And everybody and their mother is betting on the Saints, which means that they WILL lose.

NY Jets (+2.5) over Indianapolis

Mark Sanchez has an injured shoulder, and we don't yet know if he'll be able to throw the ball. I haven't yet decided if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

The Colts are not the same this year, and even in the years that they WERE the same they had a bad habit of losing on Wild Card weekend. They are too banged up. Reggie Wayne is getting ready for a stay on Revis Island. A Jets win, when all they do is talk and talk and talk, will infuriate Peter King, if he isn't still doing keg stands. And Shonn Greene will trick me into taking me in the 2nd round of next year's fantasy football draft by having a monster playoffs.

Baltimore (-3) over KANSAS CITY

When the news broke that Charlie Weis, the Chiefs offensive coordinator, was taking a job as the offensive coordinator for the Florida Gators, I did one of these. It made no sense! Why would you leave a job as an NFL coordinator to be a college coordinator? Not a head coach: a coordinator.

Until I found out that Charlie Weis and Chiefs head coach Todd Haley hate each other. Yeah.... that would do it.

PS: If division games mean so much, NFL, why are the Chiefs (2-4 in the AFC West) in the playoffs instead of the Raiders (6-0 in the AFC West)? Sounds like the Raiders "won" the "division" to "me".

PHILADELPHIA (-2.5) over Green Bay

Because the Super Bowl has to be Michael Vick vs. Ben Roethlisberger. Speaking of which, how come Michael Vick can't have a dog but Ben Roethlisberger can have a fiance? I mean, shouldn't we value our women more than we value our dogs? BALL'S IN YOUR COURT, SOCIETY.

Week 16: 6-10
Regular season: 107-122-7 (in which I remind you: it doesn't matter whether I am above or below .500, it only matters how much I deviated from it)

Maybe it's because I have some kind of Pavlovian response to it now after three years of Starbucks being the sole means by which I can purchase alertness, but I found the (now old) Starbucks logo pleasing. So why the new monochromatic, worldess logo?

As the Suze put it, they want to graduate to Nike status. Yes! Nike status! I love it.

Nike status (n.): the final evolution of a brand, in which years of unrelenting marketing render the name and service offered by your company replaceable with a single basic image.

Which, of course, got me thinking: who else has achieved Nike status?


An obvious choice, I suppose, although, to be fair, the logo is in the shape of an apple. Nike and Starbucks have images that don't directly relate to either the product or the name of the company. Here's a fun game: type "apple" into Google and try to find a link related to fruit.

Lots of car companies, of course. Toyota, Honda, and Lexus use the first letter, which is cheating. BMW gets disqualified because of those pesky letters. Mercedes! There's a good one. Of course, the Germans have always been good with logos. And hey, there's something else Obama has in common with Hitler.

Any other good ones I've missed?