PHILADELPHIA (-8) over Houston
Fun is over, Houston. Philadelphia is about to do this
Buffalo (+5.5) over MINNESOTA
It's an old cliche in sports that good teams find ways to win. Buffalo has created its own cliche: each week, they find new and more exciting ways to lose games. If Steve Johnson had caught that pass, I would have sent a similar angry tweet
to God about my suicide pool. I PRAISE YOU EVERYDAY, THIS IS HOW YOU DO ME?! OUT IN WEEK 12?!?!! THANKS ALOT GOD.
Cleveland (+4.5) over MIAMI
Wait, is this the line for the football game or the basketball game tonight? Either way my pick is the same.
Jacksonville (+1.5) over TENNESSEE
With a third-string quarterback and the best running back in the league, it makes sense that you have to pass on 57% of your plays, right
? The fact that you scored zero points against one of the worst defenses in the league is a coincidence. That's some smart coaching right there, Jeff Fisher, you creepy-mustache having douche. I can't wait until Vince Young is tearing up the league in Arizona next year.
KANSAS CITY (-8.5) over DenverThe Revenge of the Finger Pointer!
NY GIANTS (-7) over Washington
Maybe its time for Tom Coughlin to use reverse psychology and encourage his team to fumble the ball away and throw interceptions. Watching the Giants play is like trying to sleep with a hammer stuck in your ceiling, just waiting for another Ahmad Bradshaw fumble or Eli Manning tipped interception to jostle it lose onto your face.
DETROIT (+4) over Chicago
Now that everyone has stopped under-rating Chicago, its time for them to lose a game to an inferior opponent.
San Fransisco (+9.5) over GREEN BAY
New Orleans (-6.5) over CINCINNATI
Cincinnati might secretly be the worst team in the league. I wish they played Arizona sometime this year so we could find out for sure.
Atlanta (-3) over TAMPA BAY
Hope you are wearing a cup, because it is time for some hard hitting analysis: Tampa Bay is 7-0 against teams with losing records, and 0-4 against teams with winning records.
Oakland (+13) over SAN DIEGO
Because San Diego's first loss to Oakland this year cost me my first strike in my two-strikes-and-you-are-out suicide pool, and no its just because I'm bitter that they went down 12 points in the first quarter because of two blocked punts, I mean, Jesus Christ who allows two blocked punts in a season, nevermind one goddamned quarter!! GAHH!
SEATTLE (-6) over Carolina
This should actually read "QWEST FIELD (-6) over Carolina".
INDIANAPOLIS (-5.5) over Dallas
Because Peyton Manning won't lose 3 in a row (and if he does, then next week I'll pick him again with the same sentence, except it will be 4 in a row).
St. Louis (-3.5) over ARIZONA
What, do you think this pick is funny, Derek Anderson
Pittsburgh (+3) over BALTIMORE
Well, you were so busy thinking about this game last week Pittsburgh that you almost lost to fucking Buffalo, you better go out and win this you goddamn rapists and rapist-sympathizers.
NY Jets (+3.5) over NEW ENGLAND
Because some flukey shit is going to happen to give the Jets the win like it does every week.
Last week: 6-7