jesse
@ November 4, 2010


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2
Since we live in a country where economic collapse directly attributable to Republican policies leads to an election where we all run out and vote for Republicans - we are all, collectively, too stupid to draw a straight line that extends further out than six months - it makes sense that a tightly plotted, unpredictable, well-acted, and exciting new show would have some of the worst ratings on TV. Ladies and gentleman, I give you: Terriers.

Listen: I don't want to make my recommendation that we all watch Terriers into a forum for me to carry the fuck on about everything wrong in the world, but between work deadlines, exam studying, and conferences, I haven't really had the time to vent properly and now I'm ready to burst like a boiler with a malfunctioning relief valve FUCK ME EVEN MY METAPHORS ARE ALL ENGINEERING RELATED NOW. Here are some shows that are actual TV shows and not 30 Rock punchlines (plus one show that is a joke - try to guess which one! - that have better ratings than Terriers:

Swamp People
Football Wives
Teen Mom
Captain Dildo's House of Farts
Police Women of Dallas
Steven Seagal: Lawman
I Love Money

What. The. Fuck. This is like people not going to a museum exhibit because they all got distracted watching a hobo masturbate in the street, and then electing that hobo to congress.

Okay, back to Terriers: it's the breeziest buddy private eye drama ever made about the darkest shit you've ever seen. I previously described it as Veronica Mars without the high school and the hot blonde (and the later season interference from CW execs shoe-horning in corny soapy subplots), and I stand by that. Donal Logue (in the role he was born to play!!) is Hank Dolworth, ex-cop, ex-junkie, and ex-husband. His partner is facial-hair enthusiast Britt Pollack (Michael Raymond-James), ex-thief (except when being a private investigator requires him to steal things, which is basically every episode).

Rather than run a proper agency, the two of them stumble into cases in Hank's rundown pickup truck, mostly by hassling Hank's former partner Detective Gustafson (a scene-stealing Rockmond Dunbar, who I had never heard of either but looks kind of like Charles S. Dutton in an "all black people look the same" sort of way). And stumble they do: into high stakes conspiracies, missing persons, dead bodies, drug cartels, scandalized wives, and all other manner of colorful characters. Need something hacked? Hank knows some nerds who live in a trailer by the beach. Need some drugs analyzed? That ice cream man used to be a pharmacist who got busted for dealing. Need someone taken to the hospital? TOO LATE HE DIED IN YOUR BATHROOM.

The dialogue is snappy, the turns are twisty, and the acting is terrific. What a great show: no wonder America hates it.

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This show is so good.

Best show of the season. And I'm saying that with a new Tom Selleck show on the air!

Hey, remember that time when we wrote all those e-mails with TV stuff and you only posted half of them? That was awesome.

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