Whoochaw! P-chow! Hiya! That's right bitches, I am back with my ninja NFL picking skillZ with a Z so capital it was just used as punishment to kill a retarded Texas inmate that was innocent of his crimes, WOOPCHAW! 9-3 last week motherfuckers.
Buffalo (+3) over Chicago
Nobody gets capitalized because Buffalo is technically the home team, but this game is in Toronto which is the wrong goddamn country. Fact which Buffalo fans can use to get themselves to sleep at night: this is one hell of a good 0-7 team.
HOUSTON (+3) over San Diego
Logic demands it, and Football Outsiders confirms it: if a football team has the #1 rated offense, #1 rated defense, and a losing record, they must have some historically bad special teams. Your 2010 San Diego Chargers!
CAROLINA (+6.5) over New Orleans
Apparently we are having a special this week on picking home dogs to cover.
Arizona (+8) over MINNESOTA
I've seen alot of bad personnel moves in my day, but a third-round pick for 4 weeks of Randy Moss running half-speed is an all-timer.
Tampa Bay (+8.5) over ATLANTA
Jesus CHRIST I LOVE THE UNDERDOGS THIS WEEK GIVE ME YOUR DELICIOUS POINTS
NY Jets (-4) over DETROIT
Look, there is a perfectly good explanation for the Jets getting shutout at home after their bye week last week, and I'm going to give it to you right nowHEY LOOK OVER THERE ITS AN ALLIGATOR FIGHTING AN ELEPHANT
Miami (+5.5) over BALTIMORE
If Old Spice had any integrity, those commercials would end with Ray Lewis stabbing that giant space raven to death.
CLEVELAND (+4.5) over New England
Everybody is touting New England as the new best team in football, time for them to LOOOOSE
SEATTLE (+7) over NY Giants
Men hide your women and Seattle hide your quarterbacks, the GIANTS are coming to town! They've already got notches on their bedpost for Tony Romo, Jay Cutler, Sean Hill, Matt Moore, and now they are coming for you Matt Hasselback.
OAKLAND (-1) over Kansas City
Daytrader, who is a football traditionalist, does nothing but yell and scream about Todd Haley going for it too often on fourth down. Listen: the outcome of an individual fourth down conversion is MEANINGLESS. What matters is that he is telling his team that they are no longer going to settle for being safe losers, and they are going to be bold winners. And fate rewarded their manliness with an undeserved victory last week against Buffalo.
Indianapolis (+3) over PHILADELPHIA
Peyton Manning + points = auto-wager
GREEN BAY (-7.5) over Dallas
If I lose this bet, I've still got some left over winnings from when I bet Giants Defensive Line (+8.5) over TONY ROMO'S CLAVICLE
Pittsburgh (-5) over CINCINNATI
Because I have picked Pittsburgh in my suicide pool this week, please ignore everything I said about home dogs covering up until now. Thank you.
Last week: 9-3
Overall: 52-60-4
