Hand and microvascular surgeons specializing in treating bone, joint,
soft tissue difficulties involving the shoulder, arm, wrist and hand -
including Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Our proven procedures are supported
by exemplary medical professionalism and patient care.
Developers of the patented Brown Procedure for endoscopic CTS treatment.
The Brown Hand Center, founded by Dr. Michael Brown, have a ubiquitous advertising presence in Houston; they are the type of annoying local commercials found around the country (although not quite so inspired that anybody would make a documentary about them - Jim knows what I'm talking about). Here's one now, and you should watch it, although I must warn you: the word "daddy's baby girl!" will be ringing in your ears for days.
Creepy, right? But I thought it was just creepy in that "awkward locally produced commercial" sort of way. I thought the look of barely-suppressed fear and panic in his wife's eyes was stage fright. I thought wrong.
Carpal tunnel syndrome is a repetitive stress injury; repetitive stress injuries are the result of repeating the same action over and over. Dr. Brown apparently became an expert in the subject by repeatedly going upside his wife's head.
The founder of the Brown Hand Center, Michael Brown, was arrested in
Houston charged with twisting his wife's arm in a domestic dispute,
according to accounts in the Houston Chronicle and Dallas Morning News.
Brown's medical centers specializes in carpal tunnel surgeries and has
centers in Phoenix, Texas and Las Vegas. Brown was released on bail in
Houston and was told to stay away from his wife. He has faced some
previous domestic charges, according to the Texas papers.
Previous domestic charges might be downplaying it a little bit.
[On] January 24 of last year, [...] Brown returned to his Woodlands residence
from a topless club and allegedly brutalized his wife, who was seven
months pregnant. She told detectives the doctor dragged her by her hair,
broke off a bedpost and beat her with it before pointing a gun at her
head and screaming, "You're not having this fucking baby." The wife
claimed that she locked herself in a bedroom and the husband fired
several shots through the door.
The baby in question? None other than "daddy's baby girl". Of course.
So where do I get a euphemism out of all this? Perhaps you don't enjoy the irony of a man associated with a famous hand procedure beating his wife, but it seems pretty clear to me that the following should now be etched into the permanent tablet that is the internet. The Brown Hand Procedure is now a euphemism for beating your wife.
"Oh my god, you have a black eye! What happened to you?"
"Michael didn't like the dinner I made, so he gave me the Brown Hand Procedure."
