I know what you are thinking, and you are wrong.
You are thinking, "Oh, here we go, some man bitching about how is wife makes him watch House Hunters when there are real manly things on that he could be watching, like sports, or maybe something involving trucks and/or guns." Like I said, you are wrong.
I used to enjoy House Hunters. You could even call me a fan. Sure, maybe I was suffering from some kind of repetitive trauma Stockholm Syndrome (it wouldn't be the first time, I'm sure), but the point is, I didn't hate it. In fact, when I saw a few weeks ago an episode set in Houston, I actually got a little excited. So excited that I recorded it so I could watch it later (I was leaving the house at the time).
The fact that it was recorded allowed me to go back later that week and make sure that I had seen what I thought I saw: yes, the guy in the House Hunters episode was, in fact, the guy who just joined my softball team. I played softball with the guy from House Hunters! I could ask him all my questions, like how did he get on the show? How do they pick the houses? Do they really only look at 3 houses before buying a place? Do they get paid to appear on the show?
I asked the questions, and I got the answers. If you enjoy House Hunters, and want to continue enjoying the show, then here is where you should get off the train. Because answers are coming, and they are going to ruin the show for you forever.
This is your last warning. Okay, here we go.
House Hunters is 99% lies. The 1% of truth is that these people do exist and aren't actors. That's it. That's the truth. Now here are the lies.
Lie #1: There is no House Hunting. In fact, the couple has already bought a home by the time they appear on the show.
The show started filming the day they closed on their home purchase. That way, they could make sure that one of the three homes they look at is one they eventually end up buying. Which makes sense when you think about it: who only looks at three homes? Who doesn't end up having a deal fall through and going back to the drawing board? Why did these things never happen? Because the deal is already set when the show begins filming.
Lie #2: The other two houses are chosen by the producers.
If they at least picked two other homes that were under consideration, I could accept it as a dramatic recreation. But they don't even do that. They just pick two other homes in the area and pretend to be checking them out. At random!
Lie #3: The prices are made up.
Part of the narrative of each episode is weighing the pros and cons of each house against the price to be paid. To enhance this narrative, prices are raised and lowered accordingly to maintain suspense about which house will ultimately be chosen. My man on the inside said that the price of his house was significantly less than the other two, and if the real prices were shown, it would have been obvious which one they ended up buying.
I tried to go back and watch the show after learning the truth. I told myself: sure, the outcome was predetermined, but was unknowable to me unless I watched the episode. The house selection was Schrodinger's cat
. But I couldn't do it. Rose and I tried over the weekend, and she just kept screaming at the TV, "Liars! YOU ARE ALL LIARS!"
How do you sleep at night, HGTV? How else are you lying to us? Do any of those Designed to Sell houses actually sell? Is it really their first place? Does Holmes know ANYTHING about homes? Does he?