In his thunder-stealing recap of last week's show
, because its not like he didn't already know that I do this, Kevin (we are fighting - GO BACK INSIDE) covered most of the important points, except for one. The judges, especially Nigel, repeatedly and pointedly calling out Travis Wall's jazz routine for not being jazzy enough. Not only did every judge completely fail to comment on the quality of Ashley's actual performance because they were too busy bitching about the dance being too contemporary-y(?), but Nigel took time out again later in the show after a jazz routine choreographed by Tyce to say, "Thank you Tyce for giving us a real jazz routine" or some such knife-twisting nonsense. Cut to Travis sitting in the audience next to Tyce and mouthing a very lip-readable "God dammit."
Maybe Nigel should go a little easier on Travis next time, considering that, jazz hands or no jazz hands, he's the best choreographer working on the show right now not married to a tiny Asian woman (and Wade Robson has pretty much limited himself to group routines the past few seasons). Maybe Nigel is happy with the latest lame wuss-hop routine that NappyTab churns out, or whatever boring bullshit Tyce throws together in between eyebrow appointments, but Travis routines are among the few that have any chance of being memorable these days. Just sayin.
11. Christina Santana (last week: 10)
I know she technically went out second, but I'm retroactively correcting this injustice and putting her 11th. She should have gone out first. She was awful. Note to aspiring reality TV show contestants: maybe you can wait until the braces come off?
10. Alexie Agdeppa (last week: 11)
9. Adechike Torbert (last week: 9)
Even though the boys and girls aren't dancing with each other, the judges are still going to feel compelled to keep the penis-vagina count as even as possible. That means a penis is going home this week. And that penis is going to be attached to Adechike.
8. Jose Ruiz (last week: 7)
He stays ahead of Adechike because, if that sad excuse for a Bollywood routine didn't put him in the bottom three, I see no reason to expect that he'll be going home anytime soon. But that performance might have been a low point for the show that didn't involve Russian Folk dancing
7. Melinda Sullivan (last week: 8)
Watching her stare at the judges, all facade, dead behind the eyes, while they implored her to try to connect with the audience, it occurred to me: I don't think she has a soul. And even so, I had to put her ahead of Jose.
I must call bullshit on the description of her dance with Ade as well, in which she was dressed up like the Chiquita Banana lady and called "Mother Earth", and he was put in a tank top and called "Mankind". That dance was about the destruction of Earth, but don't pretend that (incredibly dark-skinned) Ade was supposed to be Mankind. He was the oil spill. That was the BP dance.
6. Robert Roldan (last week: 3)
No idea what Robert was doing in the bottom three, but it does not bode well for his chances on the show.
5. Billy Bell (last week: 5)
I actually thought Billy did pretty well with his krumping, despite the judges calling him out for lack of gangster-ness, or warrior-ness, or whatever bullshit they were rolling out with while trying to channel their inner Lil C (and I'd like to think that there is a little Lil C in all of us, wouldn't you?) But I'm still waiting for him to give us a performance worth caring about.
4. Lauren Froderman (last week: 6)
The new hip-hop choreographer (who's name I forget, and am too lazy to look up, sorry) gave her some good moves to work with, and she had great chemistry with her partner Dominic. Really enjoyed that performance. Now let's break this promising couple up for no good reason! Whee season 7!!
3. Alex Wong (last week: 1)
Blame in on Tyce's horrible choreography if you want (why waste Alex's physicality on a small, internalized Broadway routine?) but Alex bombed harder this week than Robert Lewis
(look it up, bitch) . A bump in the road, or is his weakness as a performer finally catching up with him? Stay tuned.
2. Ashley Galvan (last week: 4)
There wasn't lots of discussion of her performance on the show because the judges were too busy ripping into Travis' choreography, and that was a real disservice to Ashley. She was great in a physically demanding piece.
1. Kent Boyd (last week: 2)
Like it or not, but Kent is an unstoppable freight train of naive redneck adorableness. Who is sometimes asked to dance in a gimp harness for some reason.