What's the dorkiest thing one can do on a Friday night?
The answer is, of course, get Indian takeout, watch the finals of the 2010 Scripps National Spelling Bee, and blog about it on Obscurecraft.net. It's happening live, right now, on ABC, and I'll be updating this post as the evening goes on, for your liveblogging bemusement. Jesse may or may not be joining me at some point for a bit of old fashioned dorkiness.
My commentary starts after the jump... I'll be updating the page throughout the evening.
[8PM] And it's on! We've got ten spellers in the finals this year, with the title of National Spelling Bee Champion on the line. Yes, this is in HD. Yes it's on network TV. And yes, it's all because that little Indian kid fainted a few years ago. Thank god for that.
[8:03] Let's meet the final ten. Indian boy from Fargo, Indian girl from Ohio, Chinese girl from PA, Pureto Rican girl from Puerto Rico (who would have thunk it?), Indian boy from Houston, white boy from Wisconsin, Chinese girl from Canada (we've NEVER had a Canadian champion), Chinese boy from Illinois, Chinese boy from Maryland, white girl from Missouri.
I'm glad I got Indian takeout.
Shantanu Srivatsa is up first. Professional pronouncer Dr. Jacques Bailly (he's my favorite) is going to give him his first word. Which I'm going to spell as "schleren." Actual spelling? Schlieren. I was close. He got it right.
[8:06] ABC talked one of the kids into mentioning Lebron James' free agency. Wow. Her word is "nokalite." Actual spelling? Nahcolite. She is asking some questions. And spells it right.
[8:08] The announcers are flapping their yappers, which is good because I'm kind of lagging on the whole "live" thing (yay DVR). We have a professional commentator, a former national champion, and a surprisingly clothed, surprisingly not-dancing Erin Andrews. She's informing us that all the kids are hopped up on soda -- because their parents don't let them have any. This is not surprising, as their parents probably don't let them have any fun.
[8:10] Joanna Ye is the pride of Carlisle, PA. Her word? Subraseau -- it has to do with ballet. It's from the French, from Latin. (I *love* the questions they asked the pronouncer). Joanna speaks French, we're told. She better get this one. She's writing on her hand with her finger -- they do this, because they can't have pencils or pens. Or iPads. Actual spelling of the word -- Soubresaut. She gets it right, making the spellers in this round 3 for 3, and making me 0 for 3.
An aside, I did watch the earlier round from today, and one of the words was 'lassi." The awesome drink you get in Indian restaurants. I got that one right, and the speller didn't. So THERE.
[8:14] Back from commericial. And there is a music number explaining the rules of the bee. Fascinating. The kids are holding up placards with the rules and someone is singing them to me. Surreal.
[8:15] We've got a video segment introducing us to the girl from Puerto Rico. Her favorite word is dacquoise. I saw her get a Spanish word in the earlier rounds. Here? Not so lucky. Her word is "gokoro" -- a Japanese tea. "In Japan, gokoro is considered to be the most exquisite green tea." She's having trouble getting the pronunciation right. Actual spelling is "Gyokuro." G. Y. A. K. U. R. O. BING! She got it wrong! Woo-hoo.
[8:19] Aditya is up. His word? Engiseismology. He goes to Nolan Ryan Junior High. Yes, they named a high school after Nolan Ryan -- way to go Texas. Nolan sent him a congratulatory letter for making the national bee. Woah, I was wrong on the spelling -- actual spelling -- "Engysseismology." This is why I'm bad a science. He starts with Engi. That makes me feel better -- BING and he's out. (In case you're not watching the "BING" is not an advertisement for Microsoft -- when a speller is wrong, the judge rings a bell). The announcers just said that Nolan Ryan would be proud, and "Didn't throw a no-hitter, but pitched a pretty good game."
[8:21] Winner gets $30,000, a $2500 savings bond, a trophy, and some other stuff.
Andrew Grosse is up now -- his aunt was eliminated in 1974 on the word 'knish' -- which I know how to spell, because I know Jewish people. Clearly, not the case for the woman from Wisconsin in the 70s. His favorite word is really long. He likes Raphael Nadal.
His word is "Mauka." "Towards the mountains, inland, upland." Sounds Hawaiian -- and it is! Thanks Dr. Jacques. And this is the first word I've spelled right tonight.
[8:27] Time to meet Laura Newcombe, who is trying to be the first Canadian to win the bee. Her word is "Confeisree." Actual spelling is "Confiserie" -- from the French. She's got less than a minute left on the word and she is still pronouncing it "colls-free-rie." C. O. L. F. E. A. S. E. R. I. E. And bing. So much for the Canadians. You would think she would know French better. She's only 11, so she can come back again if she wins the Canadian bee again.
[8:32] Ohio has won the most bees with 8. Texas and Colorado have 7. Fascinating.
[8:33] Adrian is up. He stands with one arm behind his back, kind of like a backwards, Chinese Napolean. His word is "Netsky." A small object carved in wood or ivory, used by the Japanese to tie an item to a Kimono sash. Or something. I spelled this one like it was Russian. Whoops. Actual spelling is Netsuke. He gets it right.
[8:36] Lanson Tang gets "Lishmanic." Actual spelling? "Leishmanic." Whoops. Lanson doubled the "n' and gets binged. Spellers are dropping like flies.
[8:41] Will Ferrel is spelling something now. I think he's too old for the competition.
[8:43] Elizabeth Platz's mom likes to make costumes for her stuffed animals. Or something. It's kind of creepy. Also, Jesse is going to join us now.
Her word is "Gnocchi." I've eaten that. I better have spelled that right. Jesse goes with "Gniocche or Gnocche." Actual spelling is "Gnocchi" -- my second! Jesse feels that brown people should have their own bee. I'm fascinated that Wipeout got renewed -- and that it has the same demographic as the bee, according to ABC execs.
[8:45] Shantanu is up again. His word is "Infandibulaform" -- having the form of a funnel or cone. Jesse spells it "Infandibulaform." Actual spelling is "Infundibuliform." Shantanu is smarter than both of us.
[8:46] A brown girl is up. Her word is "Opiphysis." It has to do with Bones. I love that show. Jesse says it's "Epithesys." Actual spelling is "Epiphysis." Jesse and I might have a shot at this if we teamed up. [Jesse is confused as to why there aren't that many people left -- they started the week with 273, had 48 in the semis, and started the finals with 10]. Oh, and brown girl spelled it right. Jesse thinks she's a good speller because her name is really hard to spell.
[8:49] Erin Andrews is interview the Canadian girl. She conveys what we already knew, that she was confused on the pronunciation. In other news, Erin Andrews would rather be naked in a hotel room right now. Jesse just inquired about the prize -- he feels that it should include a Dunkin Donuts franchise in Houston. Because brown men make the best coffee.
[8:54] Jesse is bothered by a commercial with singing fish. He feels they should covered with oil. In other news, Joanna Ye is up. She's 12. Or, as Jesse says "She's 12? Jesus Christ. Are we sure she isn't someone's mom who wandered on stage? I think we've got a Danny Almonte style scandal brewing here. Is that guy her dad or her husband?" [Jim says "She's my sister AND my daughter."] Her word is Talluire. Jesse spells it Tailure. Actual spelling isTailleur. Bing.
[8:57] Aginaldo. Jesse agrees with me. Andrew Grose, by the way -- white and from Wisconsin. He's a self-proclaimed gourmet. Which means he really likes cheese curds, based on his home state. Actual spelling is Aguinaldo. Damn that 'u'. He starts "aga" and is going to have to go home. This was his final year of eligibility. Jesse says "Something tells me he does a lot of things with himself." That's an allusion to masturbation, in case you didn't get it.
[9:02] AIIEEE! Creepy music video with kids in 80s gear and a bee on a microphone. I do not like this. Jesse asks 'Was that just a music video?" They should never, ever, ever, do that again.
We're down to four spellers. Asian guy, white girl, brown boy, brown girl. A venerable melting pot. Jesse is disturbed by the chair that the interviewees sit in ''What is with the creeping interview egg lined to look like the inside of a vagina?" For most of these guys, it's the closest they'll be getting to a vagina for a long time." "My favorite word to spell is 'lonlieness." chimes Jesse.
Round 8 begins with "Terrabelata." Or as Jesse says, "Terrabillletau, What the fuck?" It's an effect of will and force, as in the work of Michaelangelo. What the fuck indeed. This is Asian guy, by the way. Use it in a sentence "Jim's liveblog of the spelling bee is terrabilletau." Actual spelling, by the way, "Terribilita." We suck. Asian guy has a minute left. INSERT CREEPY ANIMATION AND BEE SOUND EFFECT HERE. Asian kids starts it TERA -- he's on the way to a BING. Goodbye, Asian kid. Unless the other three kids miss, then they start over. I can't wait for the final two, they have the dumbest rule for that -- can't wait to share it.
Jesse was in a spelling bee as a child. He misspelled 'eloquent' as 'elequent.' He is not Indian.
Redheaded girl is up. Rittadome is her word. "That's where Mel Gibson has to fight John Ritter to the dead." Actual spelling is "Rhytidome." The white girl just called Dr. Jacques' sentence boring -- clearly she should be reading this blog instead. She spelled it wrong.
Which leaves us with.... "Two brown kids? WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED? Can you gamble on the race of the winner of the spelling bee in Vegas. And if so, is Indian of the board?" Thank you, Mr. Craft.
[9:11] They go to commercial with a song that goes 'Do I have to spell it out.' I ask Jesse if it's a real song. "Do you think they are writing original songs for the spelling bee? Just think of the poor intern who spent the last week scouring iTunes for any song with 'spell' in the lyrics." I inform him of the earlier musical number introducing the rules. This what you miss when you don't watch the entire spelling bee.
[9:15] We come back from commercial with a bunch of firefighters reading out of the dictionary. Seriously? This is worse than the "Rescue Me" commercial with Derek Jeter. Jesse says "It's confusing, and upsetting. Also, it's Chris Harrison! He should be greeitng the contestants with a rose whenever they get a word right." I'm assuming this is a reference to The Bachelor. I wasn't sure who the guy was. Erin Andrews is interviewing the red headed girl. She's telling her that it's a bad idea to change your clothes in a hotel room. No, not really. They're talking about words. "This is some fascinating spelling breakdown by Elizabeth Platz." She's talking about Latin connecting things. And apparently she has some sort of weird, creepy crush on Dr. Bailly, but then again, who doesn't? "Standing next to Erin Andrews can't be good for her self esteem," adds Mr. Craft. And Erin Andrews just called Chris Harrison boring.
[9:18] Shantanu is here! Occador is his word. Jesse spells it Occadoor. "Holy shit, there are spelling coaches? No wonder I couldn't spell eloquent. I didn't have a spelling coach." Actual spelling is "Ochidore" - and Brown gets it wrong. Oh man. This is huge. If Brown girl gets it wrong, the other three kids get to come back. INSANITY!
Jesse is wondering why the kids can't spell. I'm explaining to him about the favored brown girl, who couldn't spell "paravane" in an earlier round -- she lost on that word, but there was a controversy, so her mother complained and the reinstated her for the next round. And then she got the NEXT word wrong too. She's no Saryn Hooks -- who, by the way, is legal now.
"So she got knocked out twice? Saryn Hooks never would have done that." Indeed.
[9:22] SHAQ IS IN THE VAGINA CHAIR! Really? Is Shaq's next bad reality show going to be him challenging celebs to spelling bees? Oh no, it's Shaq Versus again. I hope it's Shaq vs. Dr. Jacque Bailly in a spelling bee. That would last about two minutes.
Anyway, brown girl is up -- if she gets this right, she is not necessarily champion. She would have to spell two in a row. Otherwise, the final four are all reinstated. Jesse feels that this is bullshit. I agree, it's the dumbest thing about the bee.
Her word is Juvia. Jesse spells it Juvea. "A brazil nut." HOLY SHIT I SPELLED IT RIGHT! Take that Jesse. "Juvia." Can she get it? J. U. V. I. A. Now she has to spell ANOTHER word to win. If this were any normal contest, she would have just won in a dramatic fashion. Not so with the bee. Also, if she wins, she can't come back -- why is that? Champions should be able to come back and defend as long as they of eligible age.
[9:30] We have a montage of former bees. An asian boy just asked if chickens have large talons, the brown kid fainted, another girl is covering her hands with her face, and that funny black kid from last year is back. Oh, and the brown kid just said "Numbnut? Oh! Numnah!" Fan-tastic. Oh wait, the Flyers are 3 - 1! Nice.
The final (?) word -- Stromore. Jesse says "Stromohr." I wonder if Peter Stormare knows how to spell this -- the correct one is "Stromuhr." Brown girl is asking questions. Split screen with her parents. Apparently she hasn't missed a word all bee. AND SHE GOT IT RIGHT! Going back to the earlier metaphor, it's like she just pitched a perfect game. Wait, JIM JOYCE JUST RANG THE BELL! Oh wait, has that been beaten to death yet? Jesse thinks she pooped herself. Maybe she shouldn't be wearing so much white. Tonight's bee was pretty short. Jesse adds "I called it, I said she would win as soon as I saw her impossible to spell name." How eloquent of him. Anamika Veeramani is your champion, and she is now being interviewed by a non-dancing, fully-clothed Erin Andrews. Anamika makes a joke about how she hates commercial breaks and people laugh. "If this is one of the best moments of her life, I'd hate to see the worst," says Jesse.
And that's it for the bee folks... see you next year, if I'm crazy enough to do this again.
