Jesse and Jim will be making their picks for every Oscar. To participate in this year's ObscureCraft Oscar Pool,
email your own picks to email@example.com. The rules are here. Part one is here. Part two is here. Part three is here. And here's part four.
]Jesse's takeBest Actress in A Leading Role
Nominees: Sandra Bullock (The
Blind Side), Helen Mirren (The Last Station), Carey Mulligan (An
Education), Gabourey Sidibe (Token), Meryl Streep (Julie and Julia)
when I said there was only one competitive acting award on the night?
Well, this is it. I do not know what to make of this field. I'm trying
to narrow it down, and here's what I keep coming back to:
this was Best Supporting Actress, I would definitely pick Sandra
Bullock, because that category is notoriously ridiculous. But the love
for The Blind Side, which just looks awful, continues to baffle me. So
Helen Mirren is definitely a GMILF, but even if
everybody in the entire country who had seen this movie, not just
Academy voters, but EVERYBODY, voted for Helen Mirren, I still think
she would get, like, 8 votes. So she's out.
Meryl Streep is a
legit dark horse candidate. This is how every review of Julie and Julia
went: "Half the movie was a wonderfully acted biopic about Julia Child
with an incredible performance by Meryl Streep, and the other half was
spent wondering why I give a fuck about some lady who had a blog and
waiting for Meryl Streep to come back." Meryl, as always, owns. Also a
GMILF, even if I'd only do it to make you jealous.
Gabourey Sidibe is just happy to be nominated.
Mulligan... can you think of a reason why she can't win? True, much
like Helen Mirren, not many people saw An Education, but it was more
than 8. For some reason, I keep coming back to her, only because I
can't think of a reason to eliminate her.
It's a wide open
category, so I'm going out on a limb. And if Sandra Bullock wins for
The Blind Side, then I guess we just chalk that up to the "career
achievement" award category. She was, after all, great in Speed. And
Demolition Man. And Speed 2. (Seriously, how is she nominated again?)
Winner: Carey Mulligan (An Education)
Interesting. Carey Mulligan isn't exactly Mine that Bird, but she is
kind of a Sarava
. If only Mike Tyson was somehow involved in the Oscars
this year... (Seriously, The Blind Side is a best picture nominee but
'The Hangover' isn't? Really Oscars, REALLY?!?) More on that later.
Trust me. I've been quiet this year, but when we get to the field of
ten, WHOA NELLY.
That said, as much as my heart says "Meryl, Meryl,
Meryl" -- (The reviewers were right about Julie & Julia. I'd like
to see a recut version called "Julia.") -- my head says "Sandra,
Sandra, Sandra." Yes, she was in Speed, and Speed 2. And Miss
Congeniality, and Miss Congeniality 2. And no, this isn't Best
Supporting Actress, a wild-card category that everyone from Jennifer
Hudson to Marisa Tomei to Kim Basinger to (yes) Meryl Streep has won,
but this it's a weird year for nominations. So come on, Sandra! The
Blind Side! Let's do it! Football! Homeless black kid! Feel good story!
You're white! Awesome!
Pick: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Best Actor in a Leading Role
Bridges (Crazy Heart), George Clooney (Up in the Air), Colin Firth (A
Single Man), Morgan Freeman (Invictus), Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)
One of these actors is not like the other. One of
these actors does not belong. Can you guess which one? I'll give you a
hint: he's black! And it's not because he's black, but because...
really, Invictus? REALLY Academy? A certified stinker from
usually-reliable Eastwood gets a nomination for Morgan Freeman for
playing Nelson Mandela? Didn't Danny Glover already go there? And is
this a case of a guy getting a nomination because he looks like another
guy? That's happened before, right? George C. Scott for Patton? Well,
that was a great performance in a great movie, but GCS said "screw you
Oscars, I've got a hockey game to go to. I refuse to accept this award."
Anyway, from what I've heard, Colin Firth was
wonderful in A Single Man -- he plays a gay man, you know, just like in
Mamma Mia! Why didn't he get a nomination for Mamma Mia! ??? Explain
Jeremy Renner. I think he defused some bombs or something? I still haven't seen The Hurt Locker.
Clooney was essentially doing the Clooney autopilot thing for two hours
in Up in the Air. Enjoyable as hell, but not enough momentum to
JEFF BRIDGES. Yes, The Dude is playing Bad Blake
and some serious country music opposite Robert Duvall (who somehow
manages *not* to steal every scene that he's in -- because Bridges is
just that fucking good in the movie. If you don't get scenes stolen by
Robert Duvall playing a Robert Duvall wheelhouse role, you're doing
pretty good). Oh, and Maggie Gyllenhaal (Can I buy a vowel?) and Colin
Firth are in it too. Wait, Colin Farrell. Sorry. Colin Farrell does
*not* play an alcoholic in this movie, who would have thunk it?
I hope I managed to make the round-up of the
easiest award of the night to pick entertaining. Also, go see Crazy
Heart. I liked it a lot. Yay country music.
Pick: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart/Lifetime Achievement/The Big Lebowski)
Here's an analogy for you. Apartheid : Nelson Mandela :: Jeff Bridges : this award. Because he has got this locked up.
(Jim, I know you are laughing right now. You are such a racist.)
Pick: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Nominees: James Cameron (Avatar), Kathryn Bigelow
(The Hurt Locker), Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds), Lee
Daniels (Token), Jason Reitman (Up In The Air)
Let's dispense with a couple of
contenders quickly. Jason Reitman is definitely going to win an Oscar
for Best Director in his career. He has consistently made interesting,
well directed, well acted, well received movies. But this is not his
Like Barack Obama, Lee Daniels will dominate the
black vote. Unlike Barack Obama, he won't win the votes of
liberal-guilt-ridden white people who are excited about the chance to
vote for a black guy and thus end racism forever. Sorry.
Quentin Tarantino made the best movie of any of the major nominees last year. So he's obviously out. Sorry.
Everybody is too excited about the Cameron-Bigelow Battle of the Exes
to let this go to anybody else, right? In Cameron's corner: he made the
biggest movie of all time, only to turn into a recluse and not make
another feature film for 12 YEARS, so focused was he on his vision. And
then, when people began to snicker and scoff, he fucking showed
EVERYBODY by making the biggest movie of all time AGAIN. Pretty
unbelievable. On the minus side, Avatar was kinda stupid (Dances With Wolves meets The Smurfs meets a college dorm room blacklight poster).
Kathryn Bigelow would be the first woman to ever win the award. She has
made a gritty, tough, masculine movie in The Hurt Locker. And, next
time Suzi doesn't want to watch Point Break with me, I just be all,
like, "But she's an Oscar winner, Suzi! AN OSCAR WINNER!"
Pick: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
I'm confused. Suzi won't watch Point Break? Does she know it's Patrick
Swayze's second best film? (Top 5 Swayze: Road House, Point Break,
Dirty Dancing, Ghost, Black Dog). Did she not see my Swayze-Twitterspam
when I was rewatching PB after Patrick's tragic, untimely death? He's
fucking BODHI. And Keanu? Keanu was born to play Johnny Utah. And
Busey? Busey was put on this earth to make Point Break just THAT much
more enjoyable. So the next time you want to pop in that Point Break
Blu-ray, you tell the Suze that Jim says she should watch it. It's
That said, I always thought someone like Jane Campion or
Sofia Coppola would be the first female Best Director winner.
Seriously, Kathryn fucking Bigelow? I'm looking at her filmography.
Point Break, ok, solid. K-19: The Widowmaker?!? She helmed one of those
movies where they propped up Harrison Ford's corpse and pretended he
was still alive. Oh well, at least she wasn't responsible for Firewall.
But moving along... Blue Steel?!? That awful 80's
Jamie Lee Curtis/Ron Silver vehicle? Ok, Clancy Brown is in that one.
That's a plus. And she did direct both parts of the season 6 finale of
Homicide: Life on the Street, which turned out to be the next-to-last
good episode of the series (Andre Braugher left, and the next season
was Shit Sandwich with the exception of one Austin Pendelton-centric
hour [Identity Crisis]). That's a plus in my book.
But still.... as much as I like Point Break, it isn't "An Angel at My Table" and it isn't "Lost in Translation."
he should win, right. I mean, in the same way that The Wrestler should
have won Best Picture last year and Mickey Rourke should have won Best
Actor. So he's toast.
Up in the Air was very good, smart, funny, enjoyable. I agree with you that Reitman will win one, but yeah, not this year.
Precious doesn't have a shot in hell. I didn't realize Lee Daniels was
black. You know everything I just said about Kathryn Bigelow being the
first woman to win Best Director? Spike Lee should be the first black
man to win the award. Let's hope that Miracle at St. Anna was a fluke
and ol' Spike hasn't lost it. I'm hoping that he has one more
masterpiece in him and folks will go "Hey, wait, Spike Lee hasn't won
an Oscar? Spike Lee was never nominated for best director? Not even for
Do the Right Thing? Not even for Malcolm X? What the hell is wrong with
So, that leaves us to address James Cameron. I am
so tired of James Cameron. I'm still tired of hearing about Titanic.
The man makes a movie about a sinking boat which sweeps the Oscars (not
for writing, though) and then disappears for 12 years. You know what? I
think James Cameron died after "True Lies." I don't know who it was who
made Titanic and Avatar, but it's not the same guy who did True Lies,
T2, The Abyss, Aliens, or The Terminator.
I still have this sinking feeling that the impostor
has mind control powers, makes us all think that he's Jim Cameron and
also makes us spend billions and billions of dollars to see his movies.
And then mind controls people into giving him Oscars.
I'm praying that's not the case though.
Pick: Kathryn Bigelow