Being mostly guys (the Suze isn't a guy, but swears like one), we could spend the entire week filling your stocking with nothing but video games, DVDs, and DVDs of movies based on video games. But maybe you have somebody in your life who wants something... actually, why don't I just let these guys say it for me?


Daytrader suggests a Billed Knit Cap ($19.99 from Lids)

Do you know a douchebag?  Of course you do!  In fact you probably know plenty of them.  But what to get the douchebag for Christmas?  You don't want to spend a lot of money on them because, well, they're douches, but if you don't get them a present then by Newton's First Law of Douchebaggery that would make you a douche!  Fuckin' Physics.

Well don't you worry because if there's one thing every douchebag loves it's a douchy hat, and Lids has TONS of douchy hats.  Take this one for example.  At first it's a warm knit hat. Perfect for those cold days when you want to go outside and play in the snow.  Well that isn't very douchy is it?  But wait, there's more!  Now let's put an Argyle pattern over a quarter of the hat. Argyle implies rich.  Rich kids have rich parents that take them to Aspen every year to go on snowboarding trips.  And words like "rich", "Aspen", and "snowboarding" just scream out DOUCHEBAG!

So OK, just getting a knit hat with an Argyle pattern makes you a douche, but we all know that douchebags need to one up each other.  They all strive to be the Biggest Douche.  Well Lids to the rescue again!  This hat has a brim.  But not an actually useful brim that could shade your eyes. An itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, half-Argyle douchy brim-kini.  What possible reason would one have for a brim this size you ask?  Adding this brim allow you to wear the hat backwards!  Without the brim people might not notice if it's on backwards, but with this brim you can flaunt your douchiness by wearing your Argyle knit hat on backwards in the middle of August just so everyone knows that you're the Biggest Douche in the Land.

Jesse suggests the Tauntaun sleeping bag ($99.99 on ThinkGeek)

There are some ideas that are so great that your emotions go straight past admiration, straight past awe, and directly into a rage so pure and uncontrollable that you didn't think of it first that all you can do is clench your fists and scream at your useless Muse who keeps telling you to write about dance competitions on the internet. Muse! Why did you not gift me with the idea of a sleeping bag that recreates the experience of Luke Skywalker huddling inside the carcas of a Tauntaun for warmth against the unforgiving Hoth winter?

This idea originally started as an April Fool's Day prank, but when the internet saw it and basically had a collective orgasm, the creators realized they should actually make it, sell them to nerds (I hope it comes in 6XL) and then retire to the shores of the Riviera flanked by the two women in Europe Tiger Woods hasn't sullied yet. The brilliant details are what make this the greatest achievement of human history. Pretend to be Han Solo cutting the beast open by working the Lightsaber zipper! Rest your head on the plush Tauntaun head pillow! And the inside pattern? Intestines, of course.

The Suze suggests a Tobacco Gas Mask ($49.99 from DrinkingStuff.com)

So I walk into Bizzarre Bazzar a couple blocks from my house. It's a smoke shop and sex novelty shop. I was purchasing some....well, that's not important--what is important is what my eyes came to rest on. There were 2 hoodlum looking fellows in the shop with me talking to the clerk and holding this beauty in their hands.

For $50 bucks you get an awesome novelty gag gift or one hell of a bong. So whether your recipent is going to war or going into their parent's basement, tell them to stick this up their pipe and smoke it!

Kevin suggests battery powered socks ($24.95 on Amazon)

Drawbacks: carrying around batteries in your socks seems really uncomfortable; there's apparently a mild risk of combustion.