Thanksgiving means two things: gorging on food, and an opportunity for pictures. I've taken more pictures over the year during Thanksgiving vacation than any other holiday. I think its the combination of family, and all the food that makes them too sleepy to chase me away with a stick. How else could I get great shots like this one of my dad?
As the credits rolled at the end of the 7-plus hour epic that is New Moon (at least it felt like 7 hours), I pondered some questions. The first question - why had I just watched New Moon - proved unanswerable, so I moved on. The second question - why did New Moon just make seven hundred bazillion dollars - proved difficult, but I have a theory I will share with you now.
Girls want to feel loved. Some girls DO feel loved. Those are girls who are attractive, fun, and sexually promiscuous. Everybody loves those girls. Unfortunately, not all girls can be that. Some are like the heroine in Twilight - ugly, boring, sullen, and abstinent.
Sidebar: yes, Kristen Stewart is ugly. If you told me that she used to be a man, I would comment on the quality of the sex change operation, but I wouldn't refuse to believe it, either.
Twilight is a fantasy for those girls that have at least 2 of the above four traits. Ugly and sullen? Boring and abstinent? Ugly and boring? Then this movie is for you.
Sidebar 2: If you are under 15 years old, it is understandable that you are sullen, and recommended that you be abstinent. So there exists a girl of a certain age for which Twilight's popularity is perhaps a good thing. If you are 19 years old and swooning for the walking, talking douchebag that is Robert Pattinson, then I regret to inform you that he is not interested in somebody who could eat an entire bag of frosted Donettes while watching his movie, fatty.
If you are looking to remake Romeo and Juliet into a big screen hit or a blockbuster book series, then there is one detail you must change. Keep the bit about the star crossed lovers, the warring clans, and the dashing young lad. But change Juliet from a lovely intelligent young woman to a sullen whiner who looks like a foot. Now THAT is a character today's women can apparently relate to.
I don't have the brain power to think of anything clever to say at the opening (not like I ever say anything clever to begin with), so I'll just say FUCK-A YOU BRONCOS, and I really also need to say FUCK-A YOU GIANTS.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Atlanta Falcons (-12.5) Big chance for the Falcons to get right back into the playoff picture here thanks to the Giants' loss. A win here would give them the same record, although New York holds the tiebreaker via their head-to-head win last week. I don't know though. Tampa has shown a little life recently, and that's a lot of points, basically two touchdowns. I think the Bucs have enough life to cover the spread. Confidence Points: 6
Miami Dolphins (-3.0) vs. Buffalo Bills This seems like a small spread since one would think that the Dolphins are superior to the Bills, even though their records might not completely reflect that. The Bills keep on losing, although they seem to have some more life since their quarterback change. That being said, the Dolphins are the superior team, and unless it's real bad weather in Buffalo (which I don't know if it is or not because I live in Texas and don't feel like taking the two seconds to look it up online) the Dolphins should win by more than 3 points. Confidence Points: 14
Cleveland Browns vs. Cincinnati Bengals (-14.0) This game would have been a total lock for me to pick the Bengals two weeks ago, but losing to the Raiders makes me rethink that a bit. The Browns played a hell of a game last week in Detroit, but hey, that was against the Lions. Cincinnati is certainly better than Detroit, but 14 points is a lot. I imagine that Cincinnati will make a statement and try to crush the Browns, but the Bengals have been involved in a lot of fluky types of plays. I'll take Cleveland and the points. Confidence Points: 4
Seattle Seahawks (-3.0) vs. St. Louis Rams A classic rivalry between the two bottom feeders of the NFC West. Both of these teams used to rule this division in the last 10 years, but now are in complete rebuilding stages. They're both bad, and I guess I'm biased towards St. Louis since their coach used to correctly coach the Giants' defense. I'll take the home team Rams. Confidence Points: 7
Carolina Panthers vs. New York Jets (-3.0) How are the Jets favored in this game? Mark Sanchez has definitely caught Jake Delhomme's interception bug. Will Sanchez give it back? I doubt it. I expect a LOT of running since both teams are afraid of their quarterbacks giving the ball away. With that said, DeAngelo Williams one ups Thomas Jones in my opinion so I pick the Panthers. Confidence Points: 8
Washington Redskins vs. Philadelphia Eagles (-9.0) Washington has looked a lot better in their last two games. A few field goals away from beating Dallas at home and possibly wondering if Jim Zorn deserves to stay (oh wait, he's not calling the plays anymore...that's why they're doing better). That said, this is a game the Eagles always show up for. This will be a rout as the Eagles start turning up the heat on the Cowboys for the division title. Nine points are enough for Philly to cover. Confidence Points: 3
Indianapolis Colts (-3.5) vs. Houston Texans Here you go Houston. Here's your chance to make up for the missed field goals to tie the last two games. You beat the undefeated Colts people will start believing in your again (only to be crushed since you're not going to make the playoffs AGAIN). Oh wait, you didn't replace your kicker (I believe that this is true but I've been quite sports deprived the last few days). That makes the three and a HALF point spread even more interesting. If you miss the tying field goal, Houston still covers. Don't worry Kris Brown, I don't think this one will be left up to you. The Colts will cover and thus it won't be your fault. Confidence Points: 13
Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Diego Chargers (-13.5) Now that the Chargers are back in the lead in the division, they'll be on cruise control. I know that the Chiefs upset the Steelers last week, but I just can't see them doing it again, so then it comes down to points. San Diego can be explosive, so I like their chances. Pick the Chargers to cover the big spread. Confidence Points: 5
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. San Fransisco 49ers (-3.0) The Jags have quietly been putting together a playoff caliber season, but no one is talking about them because, as the Jaguar fans like to point out at home games, no one cares. But I think they like it like that. Flying low under the radar. San Fransisco hasn't really been impressing me anymore, so I'll take the underdog Jags. Confidence Points: 11
Arizona Cardinals vs. Tennessee Titans (Off(0)) No spread since it's unknown if Kurt Warner is going to start at quarterback for the Cardinals. Again, I could probably find this information out now, but I think that would be cheating since I made these picks back on Wednesday. Either way, I think the Titans are due for a little shock back to reality. Vince Young might be the quarterback of the future (and probably is) but Arizona is the best team that he will have faced so far, and that's enough for me to think that he's not going to have a good game. I'll take the Cardinals in the pick 'em. Confidence Points: 1
Chicago Bears vs. Minnesota Vikings (-10.5) Jay Cutler of the Bears also has a case of the picks. I think this one will be closer than people think, but I like the Vikings to pull this one out anyway. That is all. Confidence Points: 12
Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens (Off(0)) This is Off since we didn't know who would be quarterback of the Steelers. I actually do know that Big Ben will be out and third string QB Dennis Dixon will get the start. Seriously. I guess the Steelers think that they can afford to lose this game. I picked the Ravens before I knew that fact, and with that knowledge now I would have put a lot more confidence points on this game, but I'm going to be consistent and stay true with my original picks. Confidence Points: 2
New England Patriots vs. New Orleans Saints (-3.0) Ah, the game of the week. Too bad I have to wait until Monday night to see it. The Patriots have to make up for blowing the game against the last undefeated team that they played (that being the Colts a few weeks back) Again the Saints get all of the tough games at home. But they actually don't need to go undefeated. They'll easily win their division, although the Vikings only have one loss so they'll need to stay ahead in the race for home field advantage. I say this is the day the music died in the Big Easy. Belichick will gain some respect back as the Pats not only win, but win BIG in this game. Confidence Points: 9
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Last week I did all of my picks by flipping a coin and using a random number generator to get my confidence points. Unfortunately, even that method got me only 4 correct last week. So what...who cares? (Getting old yet?)
So I'm hosting Thanksgiving right now and will only give you today's picks. Sorry to disappoint. Here are my picks...if you're smart you won't use them.
Green Bay Packers (-11.0) vs. Detroit Lions It's unfortunate that the Lions traditionally host this Thanksgiving game...because they SUCK! However, it was a thrilling game last week against the Browns. Do you think this game will be broadcasted in Detroit if it's not a sell out? Will the local FOX affiliate show nothing but Shamwow! infomercials? Too bad that game with the Browns wasn't today so everyone could see two bad teams light it up on each other. The Packers seem to be back on track. It's a lot of points, but Green Bay will spoil Thanksgiving for the Lions. Confidence Points: 16
Oakland Raiders vs. Dallas Cowboys (-13.5) The Cowboys have only scored 14 points total in the last two games, with both touchdowns coming in the waning minutes of the fourth quarter. The Cowboys survived a scare at home against the lowly Redskins last week, and the Raiders shocked the Bengals. Wouldn't that mean that I should take Oakland, especially with 13.5 points? NOPE! Why you ask? Because I'm retarded. But Dallas ALWAYS plays well on Thanksgiving. And Oakland is a bad team, although they have beaten the Bengals and Eagles, but they were in Oakland. Stick with the Cowboys...they'll still have more games to fall apart and miss the playoffs. Confidence Points: 15
New York Giants (-6.5) vs. Denver Broncos The Giants broke their four game losing streak last week with a squeaker of a win over Atlanta in overtime after they blew a 14 point lead in the fourth quarter. Denver is coming into this game on their own four game losing streak where they have blown a 3 game lead in the AFC West and now trail the Chargers. The Broncos are going to start Kyle Orton this week and are going to be playing at home. Quick note: the last time the Giants played at Denver was a prime-time Monday night game on September 10, 2001. Today they will play a prime-time night game. New York City should be on high terror alert tomorrow. Anyway, enough of the banter. I feel like the Giants have righted their ship and that the short week after a win will help keep the momentum. I like the Giants to win. (Big surprise right.) Confidence Points: 10
In an Old West frontier town somewhere in Nevada, two warring clans battle in a search for the town's legendary gold treasure. Their war as turned a previously bustling outpost into a ghost town when The Gunman arrives. After a display of his skills with a pistol, it is clear that he is a force to be reckoned with. He soon falls in with a local prostitute, whose husband was killed when he tried to intervene in the fight. Oh, and by the way, everybody is Japanese.
Japanese director Takeshi Miike has created what I can only describe as a reverse Kill Bill. In Kill Bill, a western director (geographically speaking, not genre speaking) Quentin Tarantino infused the samurai movie with elements of Western culture. In SWD, a Japanese director has infused a western with elements of Japanese culture. This relationship is made almost explicit by the presence of QT himself in a cameo as a old gunslinging master.
SWD is a pastiche of spaghetti westerns, which is announced right in the title (sukiyaki is a kind of Japanese noodle; Django is a famous spaghetti western in which a gun runner carries a machine gun in a coffin). The man who rides in to town is Clint Eastwood's Man With No Name, right down to the outfit, and, well, the fact that he has no name. The plot borrows liberally from a Fistful of Dollars, which was itself a western remake of Yojimbo, the Kurosawa samurai classic in which a lone warrior wreaks havoc in a town controlled by two warring clans, which itself borrowed liberally from earlier American westerns.
I think I'm getting a headache.
Why haven't you seen it?
Because you don't live in Japan, and you weren't watching Cinemax Extreme at 12 in the morning last Saturday night. I imagine those are probably the only two ways somebody might have encountered this.
Why should you see it?
When I conceived of the Movie Night Movie Project, I laid out a number of criteria that would quality a flick for inclusion. However, those are imperfect methods of measure compared to the one that I accidentally stumbled on Saturday night: if a movie is able to keep the Suze awake after 9 in the evening, then it is an awesome movie.
The movie caught my eye in the first place as I was flipping through the Cinemax channels late on a Saturday night for, uh, for no particular reason, because it had such a distinct look to it. If you prefer nuanced, realistic characters and a cinema verite style, then you might want to skip this one. This is a movie drawn with a bold brush dipped in a bucket of blood (that would make an awesome pull quote for the American DVD release, wouldn't it?) The characters are capital-A Archetypes. And if you don't mind watching a man take a crossbow to the throat, then I promise a good time.
I have only one requirement for mac and cheese: that it be all melty. There is a story behind this, of course. It involves my decision not to eat carbs (in retrospect, kind of a crappy one) in an attempt to shed some pounds (now, I just go to the gym). I was going crazy, looking at a giant crock pot full of mac and cheese that Mom had made for Jesse and Suzi. I wanted it. She said she'd make me a cheesesteak meat with all kinds of cheese on it. I had only one question: "Can you make it all melty?"
The rest, as they say, is history. My mom's mac & cheese became Jim's Mom's Super Melty Mac & Cheese. And it's amazingly easy to make. You'll need a big crock pot/slow cooker -- the bigger the better.
Ingredients
16 oz. Elbow Macaroni
5 to 6 cups of cubed cheese (recommended mixture: Colby, Monterey Jack, Mild Cheddar, Cracker Barrel Extra Sharp)
Its not your fault, Daytrader. Its not your fault. Its not your fault. Its not your fault.
After a week in which he got only two picks right - technically, he got one right and a coin he flipped got one right - we've decided that he'll take a mental health holiday from making NFL picks. I didn't do much better, as we both got caught up in the Underdog Swing. The season started with every favorite covering due to the plethora of horrible teams this year. The inevitable over-reaction came last week, when the lines dropped and underdogs were covering all over the place. So where does that leave us this week? After 10 weeks of football, have we finally figured these teams out? (Home team in CAPS.)
CAROLINA (-3) over Miami
I had to read this line a couple of times. Last week, Miami was maybe the best 3-5 football team in the history of the NFL. Since Chad Henne took over at quarterback, the team is 3-3 with losses to New Orleans, at New England, and at San Diego, all quality opponents. I just didn't understand what was going on. That is, until I saw this. Oh.
Confidence points: 4
Washington (+11) over DALLAS
They say that one of the signs of global warming is the shifting of the seasons. Maybe that explains why Dallas' annual December collapse is happening three weeks earlier than usual.
Confidence points: 3
DETROIT (-3.5) over Cleveland
I'm calling this game the Turd In the Punch Bowl. The combined statistics of Matt Stafford, Brady Quinn, and Derek Anderson: 51% passes completed, 5 yards per attempt, 9 touchdowns, 26 interceptions, a QB rating of 50.9. In other words, just flip a coin and move on with your life. Thinking about this game too much might cause brain damage. Instead of broadcasting this game there should just be a test pattern on the TV for 3 hours.
Confidence points: 1
San Fransisco (+6.5) over GREEN BAY
Which Green Bay is going to show up? The one that throttled a suddenly flailing Dallas team last week, or the one that couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag named Tampa Bay two weeks ago? Now that the Curse of Crabtree was broken by the even more powerful Curse of Cutler last week, I say San Fran gets back on track with a win.
Confidence points: 2
Pittsburgh (-10) over KANSAS CITY
Cincinatti showed everybody the blueprint on how to beat Pittsburgh last week: play good defense. Too bad for Kansas City they can't do that.
Confidence points: 12
Seattle (+10.5) over MINNESOTA
The line has moved down from 11 since it opened. That tells you I'm not the only one who thinks this is too high. If the Lions weren't so pathetic they could have capitalized on a sloppy Vikings team last week. Seattle is slightly less pathetic, so take the points.
Confidence points: 5
NEW YORK GIANTS (-6.5) over Atlanta
Either the Giants straightened out their defense over the bye week and will get back on track, or they lose this game and finish the season 7-9. The Giants have been punished by Drew Brees, Phillip Rivers, and Donovan McNabb over the last few games. Matt Ryan is good, but he's not in that class yet.
Confidence points: 6
TAMPA BAY (+11.5) over New Orleans
A shaky looking Saints team + an improved Tampa Bay team + waaay too many points = underdog cover.
Confidence points: 10
JACKSONVILLE (-9) over Buffalo
Do you still get a home field advantage when the home field is empty? In any case, Buffalo is a mess right now. Remember, only two things grow in upstate New York: rutabagas and despair. And Buffalo, you don't look like no rutabaga to me.
Confidence points: 11
Indianapolis (-1) over BALTIMORE
I'm giving this game my "WTF" Award of the week, because I saw this line, and said "WTF?" I didn't even say what the fuck, I actually said WTF, because that's how we talk now as a society and I'm kind of sad. This line opened with Baltimore favored by a point and moved 2 full points in one day. I don't know if this is supposed to be a trap game for Indy, or if the big win over the Cleveland Steamers got everybody back on the Baltimore bandwagon, but bet the farm on Indy.
Confidence points: 14
Arizona (-9) over St. Louis
Kurt Warner returns to the scene of the Greatest Show on Turf. He is going to light the Rams up. This is my suicide pool pick of the week as well.
Confidence points: 15
San Diego (PK) over DENVER
This game has no line, so we call it a pick 'em. The game is off the board because nobody knows if the starting QB for Denver will be Kyle "Neckbeard" Orton or Chris Simms. Is Chris Simms actually Phil Simms son, or did they just make a bad copy of Phil like Stewie did on Family Guy last Sunday?
Confidence points: 16
OAKLAND (+9.5) over Cincinnati
Trap game trap game trap game trap game trap game for Cincinaaaaaatti! Coming off the big win at Pittsburgh, Cincy is probably feeling pretty confident heading into matchups with Oakland and Detroit over the next two weeks. I predict Oakland catches them napping with a feisty, ugly 13-10 win.
Confidence points: 7
NEW ENGLAND (-10.5) over New York Jets
New England is like a man coming home from a bad day at the office (loss to Indy), stopped off at the bar for a few drinks on the way home (all the talk about Belichick's 4th down decision), and now he's home, stinking of beer and ready to beat his long suffering wife (the Jets). We're all okay with domestic violence metaphors, right?
Confidence points: 13
Philadelphia (-3) over CHICAGO
What's the only difference between Jay Cutler's time in Chicago and the Challenger explosion? Jay Cutler hasn't killed a teacher yet.
Confidence points: 9
Tennessee (+4.5) over HOUSTON
Poor Houston. Poor, snakebit Houston. They lose three games on goal-line fumbles. Three! Three games! Three whole games! And now they get an inexplicably hot Tennessee team featuring Chris Johnson, the best running back in the game right now. Sorry Houston, but I believe in Tennessee.
Do we all eat rutabagas? Some cooking sites say it's french, it's southern, it's from Sweden. But then I saw this: http://www.rutabagacurl.com/. We upstate NYers love 'em. Why? \(*o*)/
No, we don't all eat rutabagas. I know this for fact, because I have never eaten one, but they sound like punishment. And I'm not alone: the hardy vegetable was a food of last resort during World War I when grain and potato crops were lost to, you know, all that war and shit. This gave it a bad reputation as the vegetable you eat when there is nothing else left and life sucks about as hard as it possibly can.
The other reason rutabagas suck is that they grow best in cold, cold climates (hence the theory that it comes from Sweden, which, as I understand it, is so cold that the icy grip of death is considered a warm hearth by comparison). That would also explain the popularity in upstate New York. If Sweden is Satan's freezer, then upstate New York is at least the ice chest he keeps beer cold on business trips to collect the souls of the damned. Basically, two things can grow in upstate New York: rutabagas and despair.
So do to my lack of expertise when making expert NFL picks, Jesse and I
have decided to switch places in our football 69 and I will rank these
teams which I apparently know nothing about.
This past week (as we have discussed a little so far) has been quite
controversial. The 4th and 2 by New England was not the right decision
in my opinion, but I might be biased based on the pussy NFC East
division which is all about field position.
The other decision that not many people are talking about is the
kneel-down-instead-of-scoring-a-touchdown by the Jaguars while they were
trailing by a point against the Jets. The Jags decided to bleed the
clock and kick what was basically an extra-point field goal to win
instead of taking a sure touchdown to take the lead with about 1:30
left. This might be crazier than Belichick's decision because at least
he was leading at the time. If the Jags botch that kick and miss they
lose, when they were given the opportunity to score and didn't take it.
Not many people are talking about that decision because it worked
(unless you're a disgruntled fantasy football played that had Maurice
Jones-Drew and needed a touchdown to win your match-up and then didn't
get it because he took a knee instead).
Anyway, here's MY rankings. Note that some losing teams may be ranked
higher than they were last week and some winning teams might be ranked
lower because I disagreed with Jesse's rankings a bit last week.
Rank (LW)
Team
Record
Comments
1 (2)
9-0
The Colts take the number 1 spot because they stopped the Pats on 4th down and beat a very good team, unlike...
2 (1)
9-0
...the Saints, who almost lost their first game. Against the ST. LOUIS RAMS. They've looked very shaky for the last three games.
3 (4)
7-2
This team could be 8-1, and have swept the Steelers and the Ravens. The defense is for real.
4 (5)
8-1
Old Man Favre has his Hoverround on cruise control with this cakewalk of a schedule. I just hope he doesn't fall asleep at the wheel and roll into the Grand Canyon.
5 (3)
6-3
The arrogance of the Great Bill Belichick backfires for the second time... the first being when the Giants beat the Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. GO GIANTS WOOO!!!
In yesterday's epic and, at least for Patriots' fans, calamitous matchup between the aforementioned Pats and the Indianapolis Colts, Bill Belichick did the stupidest thing ever done by a head coach in the history of the world. At least, that's what I've heard. Take it away, designated stand in for stupid opinions about football everywhere, Peter King:
Belichick was talking to Brady on the sidelines. I was sure they
were talking about trying to draw the Colts offside with a hard count;
there was no way he'd be authorizing going for it on fourth down. But
back went Brady to the field, and he lined up in the shotgun, and
started calling signals without the head-bob you normally associate
with trying to draft a team offside.
"My God,'' I thought, "he's going for it!''
Two
things had to factor in here. One: Belichick didn't want to give
Manning the ball with two minutes to go; he'd just seen Manning take
the Colts 79 yards in six plays for a touchdown. Two: He trusted Brady
to get two yards. Let's place the odds of Brady getting two yards at
60, 65 percent. The odds of Manning going 72 yards to score a touchdown
in less than two minutes ... that's maybe 35 percent.
You might say Manning's chance of taking his team 72 yards are better than 35 percent. Not sure I would.
Oh shit, Peter King is trying to do math. Here, put those numbers down before you hurt yourselves, and let the professionals try it.
The goal of any decision is to select the most optimal one with imperfect information. We typically do this by assigning percentages. Peter King has started down this path, but got halfway down it before he got distracted by a shiny object in the woods. Look out Peter King! That's a bear trap! NOOOOO!!
Once you are done gnawing your leg off, take my hand. I'll lead you the rest of the way.
Charla Nash, the Stamford, Conn., woman mauled by a 200-pound
chimpanzee on Feb. 16, spoke out for the first time to show the world
how she's doing after that brutal attack.
Saying she's not in any pain, Nash told Oprah Winfrey for a show that aired Wednesday, "I don't remember [The attack]. I
don't want to ... I want to get healthy. I don't want to wake up with
nightmares."
Remember the scene in "Team America: World Police" when Gary stares off into space while the soundtrack swells with the angry howling of monkeys? Gary has nightmares about when his acting got his brother killed by a pack of angry gorillas at the zoo. Well, I will never be able to watch this again without thinking of Charla Nash, who actually has nightmares about being attacked by a monkey. I will imagine her staring off into space while the sound of a screaming chimp plays louder and louder in her head. Then I will shudder. *shudder* Oops, there I went.
To be fair, the internet is not REALLY asking if she is hot. She wasn't necessarily hot to begin with. What the internet really wants to know is, what if the movie Face/Off was for real, except instead of a high tech medical procedure to swap the faces of Nicholas Cage and John Travolta, they just got a chimp to do it? How would that work out*?
*To be honest, better than I would have thought. She looks like somebody made a puzzle out of her face, and they aren't QUITE done putting it together yet. It's almost done, but some of the pieces haven't been pushed in yet, so they are just slightly askew. I guess monkeys aren't good at puzzles.
It's mid-November and that means that football is back on Thursday nights! WOOOOOO!!! Unfortunately it's on the NFL Network and most of the country can't see this game. But so what...who cares? (Is that line getting old yet?) It's just the Bears and 49ers. Yawn.
Last week the underdogs finally broke through and covered 10 of the 13 games played. Will the trend continue this week? Hopefully not, since I only picked 5 of 15 underdogs this week. Now to my unfounded banter!
Chicago Bears vs. San Fransisco 49ers (-3.0) The 49ers have lost 4 straight games and haven't looked in sync at all. Their defense is giving up points and their offense isn't scoring enough...wait are we talking about the Giants or the 49ers? The Bears are a strange team. Some weeks they look dominate and some weeks they look pathetic. However, I think Chicago is up for a victory tonight in a battle of two NFC wanna-be's. Confidence Points: 11
Buffalo Bills vs. Tennessee Titans (-6.5) If you're not on the Vince Young bandwagon then you need be psychologically evaluated for suicidal thoughts. He's led the Titans to two straight wins. Their only wins of the season. Tennessee is running the ball for over 200 yards almost every game and has looked unstoppable these past two games. With all of that said, I'll take the Bills. Confidence Points: 7
New Orleans Saints (-13.5) vs. St. Louis Rams What's up with this spread? Less than two touchdowns for the Saints? They went to Miami and were down by THREE touchdowns at one point and still came back to win by more than two touchdowns. Last week they were down two touchdowns to the Panthers and still won (although they didn't cover). I'm glad to see that the Saints finally have a "difficult" road game this season, but I can't see anyway that the Saints don't cover, so they get the pick. Confidence Points: 14
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Miami Dolphins (-10.0) Well the Bucs won their first game last week with help of sack- and pick-happy Aaron Rodgers as well as a blocked punt touchdown. Although it was good to see that the Tampa players played hard. Miami didn't have a good showing in New England last week (even though those bastards covered the spread by a half point...FUCK-A YOU DOLPHIN!!!) but I can't see them falling into the same trap that the Packers fell into last week against the Bucs. Tampa will go back to its losing ways as Miami covers at home. Confidence Points: 10
Detroit Lions vs. Minnesota Vikings (-16.5) Detroit came out strong last week in Seattle, only to lose big. The Vikings are coming off of their Bye after they won in Green Bay. This is a big spread (obviously) and not ill-advised. I think the Vikings will win (and they'll make sure of that) but I like the Lions' chances of keeping it close, so I'll go out and pick Detroit to cover. Confidence Points: 6
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. New York Jets (-7.0) The Jags survived a late scare by the Chiefs last week playing in their half-empty stadium. Seriously, I watched part of that game (unlike anyone in Jacksonville) and there were more empty seats than a in preseason WNBA game. The Jets are coming off of their Bye and now trail New England by 2 games in the AFC East. However, if New England loses this week in Indy and the Jets win, they'll be one game back with another match-up with the Pats left this season and would be playing for the division lead. But the Jets have to keep pace first and I think the Bye Week will help. I like the Jets to get back to where they were at the beginning of the season and win this one comfortably. Confidence Points: 3
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (-7.0) This game is for first place in the AFC North and what a game it should be. The Bengals beat the Steelers earlier in the season and handled the Ravens last week. But the Steelers are on fire right now. They are clicking in every phase of the game and I just can't see the Bengals going into Pittsburgh and leaving with a win. So then it comes down to will the Steelers cover the spread and I like those chances. If it was a ten point spread then I might reconsider, but at seven, give me the Steelers. Confidence Points: 5
Denver Broncos (-3.5) vs. Washington Redskins The Broncos aren't on such a mile high (get it) any more after losing two straight. Plus, combined with some Charger wins, San Diego is only a game behind Denver in the AFC West. I assume that the Broncos' two losses have driven this spread down and I'm grateful for that because the Redskins SUCK. This is just what the Broncos need to get back on the winning track. Confidence Points: 15
Atlanta Falcons (-1.5) vs. Carolina Panthers The Panthers have been looking better the past few weeks, including that semi-meltdown against in New Orleans last week. They are following the Titans strategy of handing the ball off to their running backs so their crappy quarterbacks can't throw interceptions. Atlanta got a healthy dose of the Redskins last week to give them some confidence, and with a 1.5 point spread this game is pretty much a pick 'em. The Falcons can run the ball almost as good as the Panthers but they can throw the ball a hell of a lot better. That's enough for Atlanta to get the pick. Confidence Points: 9
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Oakland Raiders (-1.5) Another pretty much pick 'em spread. I really couldn't care less about this game between two shitty teams. I flipped a coin and the coin told me to pick Kansas City so there. Confidence Points: 1
Dallas Cowboys (-3.0) vs. Green Bay Packers Dallas won in November last week against the Eagles. The Packers got embarrassed last week in Tampa. I sure that the Packers will play tough this week, especially at home, but the calender says that it's still November and Dallas doesn't yet have a lead large enough to blow, so the Cowboys will take care of things in Green Bay. Confidence Points: 2
Seattle Seahawks vs. Arizona Cardinals (-8.5) This is a scary game for me this week. All logic says stick with the Cardinals, but the Cardinals two weeks ago got dismantled by a Panthers team that is pretty much in the same league as the Seahawks. I sense this as a trap game for the Cardinals, but I really can't pick against them (can I?) Nope. I'll take the Cardinals with for some reason a ridiculously high amount of confidence points even though I obviously have no confidence in them, so don't b surprised if the Seahawks cover, if not win. Confidence Points: 12
Philadelphia Eagles vs. San Diego Chargers (-2.0) As I predicted, the Eagles lost last week. They also did it in typical Eagles fashion: no timeouts in the fourth quarter, no challenges left, losing timeouts on ridiculous challenges, continuously failing on 3rd and 4th and 1. San Diego beat the Giants due to a two minute drive against a defense filled with holes and poor decisions by the Giants' coaching staff. Putting both of these things together would suggest that the Chargers should have no problem against the Eagles. If the Broncos lose to Washington, San Diego would be set up to tie them for the division lead, but I don't think the Broncos will lose nor the Chargers win. Philly rebounds and gets the win. Confidence Points: 8
New England Patriots vs. Indianapolis Colts (-3.0) Here it is. The game of the season. These two teams seem to play every season, and these are always good games. If the Colts win they have a good shot of running the table and going 16-0 and in my opinion, it would be good for the NFL to have the Colts tie the Pats' record. These two teams have been the most dominate in the NFL the past decade, with the Steelers getting an honorable mention. Both of these teams are running out of time to keep it going and basically for me this pick comes down to the home field advantage. Therefore I like the Colts. Confidence Points: 4
Baltimore Ravens (-11.0) vs. Cleveland Browns The Ravens need this victory to hang around in the AFC Wild Card picture. After being swept by the Bengals, they need to bounce back against the inferior Ohio team. The Browns are a hot mess. They have two incompetent quarterbacks, both making big money. It's a high spread and the game is in Cleveland, but I think the Ravens are going to want to make a statement. I'll take the Ravens and the points. Confidence Points: 13
It's been so long since I've written anything it actually took me a second to think of my password.* This won't be as detailed as we got into last season, but I wanted to comment because everyone I know in real life is getting sick of my commentary. I think my father might disown me if I mention the show any more to him.
Karen and Kevin
...wait, what? Her puff piece before the dance is that she's divorcing her husband from Vegas week? That's unexpected, butpresumably they were both taking it from both ends for the entire week.
Their dance was the Hustle, and it was not totally cringe inducing. Karen was solid although unspectacular, and Kevin probably staved off his pending elimination for another week. It also marks the beginning of a bizarrely generous night by the judges, as they start forgiving ass routine after ass routine because it wasn't the dancer's exact style.
Ashleigh and Jakob
Ashleigh is a nerd, Jakob is still boring. If any couple were breaking up I would have put money on Ashleigh and her husband, who is a better dancer and doesn't have a terrifying horse face. She's a reverse centaur! I don't like this couple but I have to begrudgingly admit that this was a good routine, and danced well. Particularly considering the routines to come.
Pauline and Peter
Peter helps out special people. Shooting the big guns early, although not surprising after last week's tap holocaust.
This routine seems vaguely racist, but cute. It was also danced terribly but all things considered, reasonably watchable. It would probably have been more merciful for Nigel to just do a triple elimination last week rather than bother with the charade of a quickstep.
Kathryn and Legacy
I was actively annoyed when Legacy made it on. First off, he's already successful, having been on tour with big groups as a dancer. why take a slot away from someone who might actually need it? Second, in Vegas he could barely blunder through anything that wasn't his style. Third, he's a giant douche, seriously, his name is Legacy. Even as a B-Boy name that's dumb.
However, he's rocked it basically every night since then. This was probably his weakest, but it was still entertaining. And he was saddled with Kathryn who probably would have been better off replaced by a sack of potatoes with a vacant smile drawn on it. The judges agree.
Channing and Victor
Channing had a newspaper article written about her tractor racing ability as a young girl. Ok that's actually kind of interesting, and she gets points for not blatantly pandering for votes.
Stacey Tookey is a good choreographer, and this is a pretty good routine danced pretty well. Not great, but compared to what's ahead not bad.
Ellenore and Ryan
I seriously cannot believe the judges did not boo them off the stage, much less give them compliments. This routine was completely blowful. Mediocre choreography that could have possibly been saved by great dancing, but great dancing this wasn't. It was awful, they weren't synchronized at all and looked silly.
Mollee and Nathan
Urban Dictionary: "Disastrophe"
1. A really, really bad problem. Worse than a disaster, worse than a catastrophe. 2. That dance.
I really wanted to leave it at that but I've been wanting to mock Nathan's ridiculous face and guyliner for a while. His secret should have been that he and the singer of Panic at the Disco are brothers, created as the result of a failed cold war experiment to 'cure' homosexuality. This guy makes Adam Lambert look macho. They suck, and are annoying, and this is almost certainly the only chance to get rid of them because tweens will keep them into the top 4 at least.
Noelle and Russell
First off I'd like to say that I appreciate the judges thumbing the scales for someone good for once (having him do a solo the first episode, giving him the pimp slot here). Noelle launches the torpedoes with a big interview with her stroke-ridden brother, only to not need it as this routine ruled. I'm not sure any other couple could have pulled it off, but Russell is, as always, amazing, and even Noelle didn't suck it up as much as she should have.
*twist ending: it was... saved in my browser history THE WHOLE TIME DUN DUN DUUUN.
Exactly one half of all football games have been played. The Colts and Saints will make the playoffs. Are we sure about anybody else?
I didn't have room to expand on this in the rankings below, but these two coaching decisions need to be addressed:
1) The Giants should not have kicked that field goal against the Chargers. If they go for the touchdown and make it, they win. If they go for the touchdown and miss, then the Chargers have to go the length of the field. Yes, they can kick a field goal and tie it, but that is a better outcome than what actually happened. Kicking the field goal was the safe but wrong choice. The Giants have been making alot of wrong choices lately.
2) But that wasn't even the worst field goal decision in the NFC East this week. What was Andy Reid thinking? A 52 yard field goal is hardly a sure thing, and then they were still down by 4! Who cares that its 4th and 11: victory favors the bold. Reid was doing what he thought would cover himself with the media, NOT what would give his team the best chance to win.
Enough bickering over minutiae: on to the ranks!
Rank (LW)
Team
Record
Comments
1 (1)
8-0
The 8-0 Saints still have yet to play a difficult road game.
2 (2)
8-0
I guess their logo is a horseshoe for a reason; that was a lucky, lucky win against Houston.
3 (3)
6-2
New England needs to win in Indianapolis, not only to give them a shot at home field for the playoffs, but to protect their record as the only 16-0 team in NFL history.
4 (5)
6-2
The Bengals are about to go on a 3 game road trip, just in time to derail all those "The Bengals are for real!" stories.
5 (4)
7-1
Doesn't the Viking mascot look like he could be one of the Village People?
Somebody always has to fuck it up for the rest of us, don't they?
Think about it. Nobel invents a useful construction tool like dynamite, next thing you know its being used as a weapon. The Wright Brothers invent airplanes, and then you get 9/11. Gutenberg invents the printing press, and then Stephanie Meyer writes Twilight. The point is, every useful invention can be turned against us for horrible purposes.
Now the internet is coming for us.
This 60 Minutes piece from last Sunday, "Sabotaging the System," shows how hackers could break into the electric grid and send it fake information that would order it to tear itself apart. For the money shot, skip ahead to the 15:30 mark, and watch an IC engine do its Lindsey Lohan impression and self-destruct:
This kind of attack is possible because of the centralized nature of our power grid. The smart grid enables decentralization on a scale that would not be feasible today. Say what you want about solar panels, but it would be pretty difficult to get them to explode the way this engine does - not to mention the fact that instead of blowing up one engine, you'd have to attack thousands of units.
If fear mongering politicians were interested in doing something other than appearing tough on brown people in order to rack up votes or lining the pockets of defense contractors in their congressional district, this might be the type of thing they talk about. Just sayin'.
Back when I used to write about something other than sports, I explored the ethanol scam in a twopart piece titled, "The Great Corn Con." A quick recap: ethanol mandates for fuel blending would not help the US towards its goal of energy sustainability, but might help a few brown people starve to death. As Bernie Madoff and Allen Stanford proved, even the largest con games eventually collapse under their own weight. As ethanol fails to deliver on its promises, this game, too, is coming to an end.
Last week saw the release of a report on the state of the industry by a Houston-based energy analyst (what what Houston) with a glorious title: "Corn Ethanol's Slow-Motion Train Wreck." Why, if I was able to determine in about 30-minutes worth of writing, that corn ethanol was destined to be a failed energy policy, did it plow ahead unabated?
Notwithstanding all the controversies surrounding ethanol in recent
years - its impact on global food prices, to name just one - Washington
continues to provide Midwestern farmers (many of whom live, amazingly
enough, in electoral swing states) with lots of goodies. The three big
ones are the blenders' tax credit, the ethanol import tariff (helping
keep out Brazilian sugar ethanol), and most importantly, a guaranteed
floor for demand via the Renewable Fuel Standard (RFS). Originally
enacted in 2005, the RFA was upsized in the December 2007 energy bill
by a Democratic Congress and a Republican president - showing that if
there is one thing the parties can agree on, it's pandering to farmers. [emphasis added]
Obama-Hitler mustache drawing teabaggers, take note! Despite years of government mandates and federal subsides, corn ethanol has had exactly zero impact on the amount of oil imported by this country or the cost of fuel for your SUVs. Your precious tax dollars are being wasted! Somebody call Glenn Beck!!
And it isn't for lack of trying: 10% of ethanol capacity in this country is currently sitting idle, because it is cheaper to let the machines rust then to use them to produce ethanol. The corn ethanol industry is proving the predictive power of math. If the value isn't there, no amount of federal subsides and wishing can make it so.
Admission of error is a cleansing exercise. And I need to be cleansed. I was wrong. The electric bike was a stupid idea.
Being fair to Jesse circa 2008, the electric bike SEEMED like a good idea because the electric bike people didn't include any information about how many flat tires I would get in a calendar year (12), how many of those flats would require me to walk over 5 miles with the bike (3), how many times the battery charger would fail, leaving me with a 50+ pound bike that I now had to peddle home under my own power (3), or how many times the battery pack would fail completely, leaving me without a means of transportation (2, including one still ongoing that has yet to be resolved). Whether the technology was not meant for the heavy duty use I gave it, or if the bike was just a piece of shit I leave for others to determine. Either way, the project was a failure.
But failure need not be a total loss. Doors close, windows open, and so forth. So here is the window that has opened for me: I have replaced the bike with a scooter.
The pros: it goes 2-3 times as fast as the bicycle, it uses time-tested internal combustion engine technology, and it is super cool. My transformation into a European-style liberal elitist hippie snob is now complete.
The cons: it is moderately less green than the electric bike (60-80 mpg vs. electric charge from windmills in the Texas panhandle), it required me to get a motorcycle endorsement on my license that cost me a weekend in a motorcycle safety course, and I'm probably 10-15% more likely to kill myself on it than on the bike.
You want to see it from behind, don't you? Of course you do. Perv.
It is not a Vespa. It is a Kymco People 150. It is exactly the same thing as a Vespa except 20% cheaper and they don't sell it out of a Ferrari dealership. (Important shopping tip: if you are in the market for an affordable vehicle, the Ferrari dealership should not be your first stop.)
Oh, and you know who loves this thing? THE LADIES. Don't believe me? Check out this piece I picked up.
So that's two weeks in a row where I haven't gotten any picks correct in the late Sunday games. So what...who cares? (Apparently I care.) This week is a big week for a lot of teams. Depending on the outcome of some of these games, we might know right now which teams are going to be in the playoffs. I'll give my picks, but I suggest that you pick against them.
Washington Redskins vs. Atlanta Falcons (-10.0) Well the Saints got another favorable call last week in their win over the Falcons. Regardless though, the Falcons are the #2 team in the NFC South and are on course for a Wild Card berth. The Redskins are coming off of their Bye, but this isn't an ideal match-up. Washington might hang around for a bit, but I'll take Atlanta and the ten point spread. Confidence Points: 12
Arizona Cardinals vs. Chicago Bears (-3.0) It looks like Arizona is going to stay in first place in the NFC West, even though both the 49ers and Seahawks aren't too far behind. This team is very volatile. After a great game on the road against the Giants, they got beat down by the Panthers. The Bears are another team that I have questions about. They beat the teams they're supposed to and lose against the good teams. This is a game between two evenly matched teams in my opinion, but I think Arizona is due for another good game so I'm picking the Cardinals. Confidence Points: 8
Baltimore Ravens (-3.0) vs. Cincinnati Bengals This is an odd spread for me to understand. A few weeks ago the Bengals beat the Ravens in Baltimore. Wouldn't you then think that they would be the favorite at home? I guess this is due to the Ravens' defense looking a lot better last week when they beat the previously undefeated Broncos. Cincinnati had their Bye last week after destroying the Bears, so I don't know why people are down on them. I think the winner of this game is heading to the playoffs and I've been impressed with the Bengals this season so I'm going with them. Confidence Points: 1
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts (-9.0) The Texans are 5-3 and are in second place in the AFC South...second to Indy. The Colts looked a little off last week hosting the 49ers, scoring their only touchdown on a halfback option pass. After a shaky start, the Texans are looking better. I don't think that they can beat the Colts on the road, but I think 9 points is a little too much, especially after last week for the Colts. I'll probably be proved wrong and the Colts will romp, but I'm taking the Texans to lose, but by less than 9. Confidence Points: 2
Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots (-10.5) The Dolphins had TWO 100-yard kickoff returns for a touchdown last week against the Jets, and still barely won. The Dolphins' Wild Cat looked good last year against the Pats, but with the Patriots coming off of their Bye I'm sure they spent a lot of time on defense working against it. I'm also sure the Dolphins will show some new looks, but New England playing too good right now. It's a lot of points, but I like the Patriots to cover (as long as they can play good kickoff return defense). Confidence Points: 6
Green Bay Packers (-9.5) vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers This game is known as the Battle of the Bays. Although "battle" might not be the correct term for this game. The Packers lost a tough game at home against Brett Favre last week, but now that's over there isn't a better bounce-back team than the Bucs. People have said that the UFL's Florida Tuskers could beat the Bucs head-to-head and I'd agree with that. This team has a good chance of going winless. The 9.5 points are a joke to me. Green Bay will be up by more than that halfway through the first quarter. The Packers win big in Tampa. Confidence Points: 13
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Jacksonville Jaguars (-6.5) Remember when the Jags were favored by like 10 points hosting the Rams after they lost 41-0 the week before against the Seahawks? Yeah...I didn't think so. Well it happened and the Rams lost in overtime. Here we are again, with the Jags favored at home after getting blown out by the previously winless Titans. WTF!? Just based on that, I take Kansas City. Confidence Points: 4
Carolina Panthers vs. New Orleans Saints (-13.5) The Panthers salvaged whatever is left of their season with an impressive win in Arizona last weekend. The Saints (as noted before) again got a little help from the zebras. This could be a trap game for New Orleans and dare I say the Panthers pull off the upset in New Orleans? Oops, that's italicized, so I doubt it. The Saints having to win by two touchdowns tempts me to pick Carolina, but I've been burned by not picking New Orleans almost every week, so I pick the Saints to cover. Confidence Points: 9
Detroit Lions vs. Seattle Seahawks (-10.0) This might be another bore-fest between two pretty bad teams. Detroit comes off losing to a team that hadn't won a game in over a full calender year. The Seahawks laid an egg (get it) in Dallas last week, when I thought they were a little better than that. Since Seattle is a home, and they are better than the Lions, I'll take the Seahawks, even with the 10 point spread. Confidence Points: 10
San Diego Chargers vs. New York Giants (-4.5) This is a big game for both teams. If San Diego loses, I can't see them getting into the playoffs this season. If the Giants lose, it'll be really tough for them to get in. I think the Giants could still get it because they have games against Atlanta, Dallas, and Philly. But if the Giants lose this game then they'll go into their Bye on a four game losing streak and basically telling everyone that they are a mediocre team at best. In my mind this is going to be a close game, and the Giants have proven to win close games. Based on that, I'm taking New York, but on the other hand, if it's a close game, they might not cover. Just some food for thought. Confidence Points: 5
Tennessee Titans vs. San Fransisco 49ers (-4.0) Well the Titans got their first win last week against the Jags under previously suicidal quarterback Vince Young. Now they head to San Fransisco, a team that's been close in a few games, but hasn't gotten the victory in their last few games. This is a must win for the 49ers if they want to stay close with the Cardinals and I think San Fransisco sends Mr. Young back to the psych ward. Confidence Points: 11
Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles (-3.0) This is the battle for the NFC East. A lot of people left both of these teams for dead a few weeks ago and crowned the Giants the division champions. Well that was premature ejaculation. The Eagles destroyed the Cowboys in the season finale last season, sending the Eagles to the playoffs and knocking out the Cowboys. A lot of people think that this is a revenge game for Big D. I think it's going to be a trend game. Philly loses games in November while Dallas wins. Then in December Dallas loses while Philly wins. Therefore, I pick Dallas and predict the Eagles get revenge later in the season. Confidence Points: 3
Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.0) vs. Denver Broncos The Broncos got handled last week in Baltimore. I said I was on the Broncos bandwagon until they lost, and now I think I'm jumping off and switching to the Steelers'. Pittsburgh is coming off its Bye and is ready for a smash-mouth football game, which I think this will be. Denver can afford to lose another game and still be in control in the AFC West, whereas Pittsburgh has to worry about Baltimore and the Bengals. Three points on the road isn't enough to sway me from going with the Steelers. Confidence Points: 7
I had but one disappointment last night, as the Yankees won the 2009 World Series in front of their home fans in their new ballpark. And that disappointment was with the person who decided that the song to play as the Yankees dogpiled on each other at the mound was "We Are The Champions" by Queen.
"W.A.T.C." belongs to the era of embarrassingly literal music lyrics that was the 80s. The aughts are almost over, person making music decisions at Yankee Stadium! If you aren't going to get with them now, you never will. This is the song that should have scored the moment.
Yeah, these are late. So what, who cares? *tugs at shoulders of his sweater* But seriously, does anybody actually care?
I'm watching the World Series right now, so you'll get no meaningful commentary from me. Just lots of
WHO'S YOUR DADDY *clap* *clap* *clap clap clap* WHO'S YOUR DADDY *clap* *clap* *clap clap clap* WHO'S YOUR DADDY *clap* *clap* *clap clap clap*
Rank (LW)
Team
Record
Comments
1 (1)
7-0
Their final 9 games include 2 against Carolina, 2 against Tampa Bay, and one each against the Redskins and Rams.
2 (2)
7-0
Not quite a bold prediction: Peyton Manning will win the MVP award this season over Drew Brees.
3 (4)
5-2
Strange, but the meeting with the 3-4 Dolphins this week is pivotal to the AFC East race.
4 (7)
7-1
Why did Favre want to go to the Vikings? Here's a hint: in their last 8 games, there is exactly one potential cold weather matchup (at Chicago on December 28). Thanks, dome!
5 (5)
5-2
Does anyone else think Carson Palmer looks like a lumberjack?
Welcome aboard my spaceship. I want you to make yourselves at home. Just relax, I'm not actually going to hit you with this guitar. I don't know where you'd get a crazy idea like that. Oh, right, that. See, that's why I keep the guitar in my human hand. My robot hand can get a little out of control. Look what its doing now! It's spraying some futuristic graffiti that appears to be made out of a T-1000 all over enormous porthole of my spaceship. Although I do like that the graffiti actually says "Graffiti." Its very meta, don't you think?
Boy, it sure is bright out here in space. Did you remember your sunglasses? I remembered mine. I always keep them next to my black Lycra bodysuit and leather boots. Although I can't remember where I put the laces for my boots. My morning routine still needs some work. Anyway, enjoy your stay here, small cartoon band of monsters.
With Johnny Damon and the Yanks stealing Game 4 last night after it appeared to be lost, there is one common theme running through the sports commentariat vis a vis this World Series: its over, folks.
They rely, as baseball men are wont to do, on the massive backlog of statistical data at their disposal. Teams that lead the World Series 3-1 have won 36 of 42 such matchups. No team has come back from 3-1 since the Kansas City Royals in 1985, 24 years ago. No team has come back from 3-1 while winning games 6 and 7 on the road, as the Phillies must now do, since the 1979 Pirates (yes, the Pirates were once in the World Series! And won it!)
But this seems like alot of chickens are being counted before they've hatched. Or, in the parlance of the Suze, "Chickens!! Chickens everywhere!!!" A 7 game series is not over until one of the teams has won 4 games. Here are 5 reasons for the Phillies to hope that team might be them.
1. Cliff Lee
If the stats on 3-1 series are grim, the stats on 3-2 series are less so. I don't actually know what they are, but they have to be, right? And Cliff Lee's total pwnage of the Yankees in Game 1 should give every Philly fan plenty of reason to believe this series will be headed back to New York.
2. Ryan Howard
He is 3 for 17 (.176) with 0 home runs, 1 RBI, 1 run, 0 walks, and 10 strikeouts. He is too good a player for this to continue for the entire series. Ryan Howard's bat will have a thing or two to say before this is over.
3. The Yankees bullpen
Here are the stats for Yankee relievers not named Mariano Rivera in this World Series:
4.5 IP, 6 ER, 12.0 ERA, 2 HR
Here is why it is about to become much more important: every Yankee starter from here on out, including 37-year-old Andy Pettitte, will be throwing on short rest. If the series goes 7, then we will see the soft, fleshy underbelly of the Yankees bullpen for at least 6 more innings this postseason.
4. These things have a way of balancing themselves out
A protruding camera turns an A-Rod double into a 2-run home run. Johnny Damon steals two bases on a single pitch. Two huge, flukey plays that helped swing two games in Philadelphia to the Yankees side. That door can swing both ways. I don't know what might happen, but stay tuned.
5. Okay, okay, it has to be said: the Yankees blew the 2004 ALCS with a 3-1 lead
Now excuse me while I throw myself down an elevator shaft.
The Film
No, we don't all eat rutabagas. I know this for fact, because I have never eaten one, but they sound like punishment. And I'm not alone: the hardy vegetable was a food of last resort during World War I when grain and potato crops were lost to, you know, all that war and shit. This gave it a bad reputation as the vegetable you eat when there is nothing else left and life sucks about as hard as it possibly can.
