1. Me vs. Jim
Jim is a lifelong Phillies fan. I'm a lifelong Yankees fan. If the Yankees win, Jim must furnish me with one (1) Philadelphia cheesesteak from Pat's King Of Steaks. If the Phillies win, I must furnish him with twelve (12) Kolache Factory kolaches, variety TBD. Also included is a minimum of one (1) year of bragging rights, in which the winner may declare that the sports team from his area is superior to the sports team from the loser's area.
2. CC Sabathia vs. Philly cheesesteaks
CC Sabathia will start games 1, 4, and 7 in this series. The Phillies will need to beat him at least once. So far this postseason, CC is 3-0 with a 1.18 ERA in three starts.
However, as has also been
thoroughly documented here, CC Sabathia is a huge fat man. If Philadelphia fans are smart, he should open his walk-in mailbox this morning and find that it is filled with dozens and dozens of piping hot Philadelphia cheesesteaks. You probably won't be able to do too much damage for game 1, but if you play your cards right, by game 4 he should be over 400 pounds and unable to breathe under his own power.
3. Nick Swisher vs. my goddamned patience
Yes, Nick Swisher, my goddamned patience has heard all about what a great clubhouse guy you are, and how everybody loves you, and what you do for team chemistry. But my goddamned patience has also seen your .125 batting average and 1 RBI in 9 playoff games, including your popup with the bases loaded to end Game 5 of the ALCS. And you know what? My goddamned patience has had just about enough.
4. Alex Rodriguez vs. Alex Rodriguez
Based on what I've heard in the media and absolutely no research, here are A-Rod's states from previous postseasons: .000 BA, 0 HR, 0 RBI, 145 strikeouts, and 7 baby seals clubbed to death. During this postseason: 1.000 BA, 45 HR, 204 RBI, 3 kittens rescued from burning buildings, and he also gave it to Kate Hudson during the 7th inning stretch of Game 2 while everybody stood and cheered. So which one will show up in the World Series? Hide your baby seals, just in case.
5. Ryan Howard vs. Jared from Subway
