Dear OC,

I need you to analyze something for me. I originally started dating my boyfriend while he was still with another girl. His ex found out about us and broke it off with him, and now she's with some other guy. But now I'm starting to think that I shouldn't date someone who 1) doesn't want to have sex with me that often, 2) might be cheating on me all of the time, and 3) I have to go "LALALALALALALALA" in my head while he's talking about 90% of the time. Could you figure out why I'm still with this douche?

My first instinct is that I'm not qualified to analyze this. I say that because I originally had no real insight other than, "you are crazy." My answer to your question is, "I have no idea why you are with him, you should break up with him, you crazy person." On further reflection, I realize that I am right (you are crazy), but that is not a shallow reading of the situation. There is a method to this madness of yours.

You, like most women, crave two things. The first thing is penis. The second thing is drama. The relationship started with all the penis and drama you could handle. A new boyfriend, he's got a girlfriend, they break up and fight, you are the other woman, blah blah blah, drama bomb exploding in your face. But now the girlfriend has moved on, and both the drama and the penis have disappeared. What you need is a solution that provides both drama AND penis.

You should cheat on him.

I know, its brilliant, right? Hold on, let me give you a minute to steady yourself after that javelin of truth to your chest. If you break up with him, there will be some immediate drama, but that will quickly dissipate, and you'll be right where you are now. If you stay with him, then that won't make you happy either. But, if you cheat on him, that is instant drama AND penis to boot. That is what we in the business like to call a win-win.