I have never seen this person before, I have no idea who this is, why does Entertainment Tonight think I care about them? Well, joke was on me, because I did know who it was. It was the soulless, mangled remains of Ashlee Simpson.

The image at the top is what is left of Ashlee Simpson's original face. Multiple plastic surgeries to her nose, chin, and cheeks have left her unrecognizable.

I don't blame her. I blame her horrible father, Joe Simpson, who should be forced to fight Michael Lohan to the death for my amusement (as a reward, the winner of this fight would receive... death).

No doubt pushed into show business from an early age, Ashlee failed to blossom into the blonde bombshell his older daughter Jessica became. In a bid to rescue her career in a business where looks are as important as singing, Joe forced his pretty but not quite beautiful enough daughter into a series of surgeries which robbed her of her face. How sad it must be to look in the mirror and see a dead-eyed stranger?

I thought this in the first few seconds after the reveal of her identity. Then I had another thought: "What do I give a fuck." Then I had another thought: "Running on this treadmill sucks."