The night you have all been waiting for is here. Maybe it's because you want to see who will become America's favorite dancer. Maybe it's because you want me to stop writing about this shit. Either way, you get your wish tonight, as Jeanine, Evan, Kayla, and Brandon take the stage one. Last. Time.

SYTYCD seems to appreciate the epicness of the occasion, as they have upgraded their digs for the first time in 5 years. For the finale, they've moved into the Kodak Theater, home of venerable American institutions like the Oscars and, uh, American Idol.

Mary Murphy turns to the crowd looking for noise, shouting, "I can't hear you! I can't hear you!" Sadly, nobody in the crowd realizes that, after years of listening to her own shouting, she cannot actually hear them.

Top 4

Realizing how unfair it would be to give any one dancer a Wade Robson routine to perform, all four of them get it. I have to say, I do not like the new digs. The stage is too big. and it feels like they are dancing in a cavern. Maybe that is why I didn't really like this routine? I hate being disappointed by Wade.

This routine gave us YET ANOTHER chance to watch Evan dance right next to Brandon doing identical choreography. Hopefully America noticed along with me how much better Brandon was. Hopefully. Finally. Please?

Jeanine and Evan

Sonya figures out how to utilize Evan's size - have the girl toss him around the stage! I especially liked when he leapt onto her back like we've seen the girls do with the guys 1000 times. The physicality of the routine was alot of fun. And, naturally, Jeanine's boobs were on full display. Is that the choice of the wardrobe designer, or do they try to cover her up and she just rips the top half of all her shirts off?

Is it just me, or did Evan's older, balder, more talented brother not look entirely thrilled with the fact that Evan was in the top 4? I had to rewind and watch again because I was briefly blinded by the beautiful tuxedo and bow tie EOBMTB was wearing. He looked kind of grumpy. He shouldn't - Evan's success should bode well for him. This show loves a legacy (Benji begat Benji's ugly sister, Travis begat his black adopted brother Danny... Evan begets EOBMTB?)

Brandon solo

Cat sits down for an interview with Brandon before he dances, and reminds us all that Mia hated him before he was in the Top 20. Mia, you are a moron.

Bam. Another one out of the park. Brandon has everything you could want in a male dancer. Strength, flexibility, balance, speed, and has no interest whatsoever in engaging your girlfriend or wife sexually. It wasn't as good as last week because it didn't feel quite as thought out - I agreed with Adam Shankman when he used the word "frantic" - but that doesn't take away from the athleticism on display when he dances.

He may not win, but it won't be because of his talent.

Kayla and Brandon

Tyce choreographs the season's two best dancers in a rendition of Bye Bye Birdie danced in some kind of futuristic fetish-wear. When Kayla did a standing split, and then Brandon rotated her like the hands on a clock, that might have been the craziest partner move I have ever seen on this show.

Suzi: "This is embarrassing for the other two, they are so much better."

Agreed, Suze. Agreed.

Jeanine solo

Her best solo of the season, no doubt. She picked a song, considered the mood, and created a character that really helped set her apart. Plus some incredible dancing. Those pirouettes where she just kind of slowed down, holding her balance and form... wow!

Adam Shankman adds: "I love your body, your shape, your smile." Translation: "Nice boobs... butterface."

But seriously, great solo.

Evan and Brandon

Laurie Ann Gibson is worse than Ade with his afropick. Are you listening to music right now? No? Then TAKE OFF THE PINK HEADPHONES.

For the third time in four seasons, the boy-on-boy action is about the top two dancers fighting each other, literally and figuratively. Yawn.

Once again, I must challenge america: if you can watch these two dancing right next to each other, and think Evan is even in Brandon's league, then you are proof that democracy does. Not. Work.

Don't believe me? Then believe the Shankman: "Evan, you got a little dusted on that one." He tries to backpedal, trying to make it about the way they played the character (I don't think the character was supposed to have Down Syndrome), but that's bullshit. Its the dancing, Shankman. Its the dancing.

Nigel speaks truth: "Brandon outdanced you."

Jeanine and Kayla

Suzi's hoping for a lesbian love scene, but Mia gives them a journey instead. Fuck.

There's literally, there's obvious, there's head smackingly literal, and then there is this dance. As they progress from stage right to stage left, the dancers shed a layer of clothing, until they are down to their leotards. Any chance Mia got that idea from NappyTab (remember when they actually chained two dancers together? Jesus Christ...)

Evan solo

Plucking the heart strings once more, we get to see when Evan and EOBMTB were pitted against each other for the last spot on the show.

When I get to see Evan dancing in his own style, I remember when I enjoyed him. Then he does a huge back flip, and I remember that yes, he really does have some skills. Then he leaps into the air, spreads his arms, and we see his pit stains, and the spell is broken.

In a night of good points, Nigel makes another: "Have I seen you grow over the course of this show? No, I haven't." Other than his annoying habit of asking himself a question and then answering it himself, the point is spot on. Evan does his Broadway style great, but just cannot pull off anything else. He's always the same droopy eyed grandma's boy.

Kayla and Evan

The jive has been following Evan all season, taunting him with its need for quick kicks. Fortunately for him, Kayla throws up a smokescreen with a short skirt and knee high cowboy boots. There was a series of lifts in the middle that was great, but other than that, that was not finale level material. That was first week material.

I just figured out why Brandon is going to win tomorrow, while I was watching this. Its because when the girls dance with Evan, he drags them down to his level, but when Brandon danced with him, it just showcased how much better he is than them.

Shankman calls out the choreographers: "I'm not sure that was a finale level routine." True dat, Shanks.

Kayla solo

"Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics makes another appearance on a SYTYCD finale! Tell me when the other one was, and win a free fuck! Cause I give one.

Shanks puts her in a group with Will, Travis, and Danny as one of the best dancers of all time on this show. Know what else they have in common, Kayla? None of them won!! HOORAY!!

(Although to be fair, Sabra only beat Danny because she had a cameo role in High School Musical back when it was the hugest thing ever on Earth, so that season doesn't count. Yes I'm still bitter.)

Jeanine and Brandon

Louis Van Amstel, who has been something of a bad luck charm this season, choreographs a paso doble. There hasn't yet been a good one this season. And they are dancing to a song from the Matrix Revolutions!

Suzi: "So he's Keanu Reeves, and she's... I dunno... what is Keanue Reeves like? I guess she's like Sandra Bullock but less retarded." Jesse: "Sandra Bullock was in Speed, not the Matrix." Suzi: "I guess that's what's wrong with this dance then."

[a few seconds pass]

Suzi: "Wait a minute, were you quoting everything I was saying?"

Best paso of the season - not that there was alot of competition - but they really pulled it off. I think Jeanine just passed Kayla for a spot in the top 2 with Brandon. Not because she's a better dancer, but she did have a much better night.

In fact, because its the top four, I'll give you my elimination order: Evan out first, then Kayla, then Jeanine. Brandon wins. All is right with the world.

And with that, I sign off for the season. Will this feature be back this season?

No. It won't. But its been fun!