During my series outlining some of the goals regarding the development of smart grid technology last month, I think, in retrospect, that may have misrepresented the role net metering plays in today's energy markets. In part two, where I discussed the role that the smart grid will play in opening up renewable markets, I touched on the concept:
Instead of a two-way meter, utility companies have the
option of giving the solar panels get a separate meter. At the end of
the month, you get a bill for the electricity you purchased, and you
get a check for the electricity you made. But guess what? The retail
electric providers are under no obligation to purchase this power at
fair market price. They can pay you half, or a quarter, or nothing. They can pay you whatever they feel like.
In fact, some providers (for example, TXU) are looking to charge
customers who have grid-tied systems an extra fee for the trouble!
Here's what I need to clarify. You should not get the same financial benefit for electricity you export as you do for electricity you offset. An explanation of the difference, and the reasons, are after the jump.
ANTIOCH, California-- A woman who was kidnapped at age 11
and then spent 18 years living in her abductor's backyard began the
long process of reuniting with her family on Friday.
A psychiatrist envisioned a slow and overwhelming adjustment for
Jaycee Lee Dugard, who was kidnapped in 1991 as her stepfather watched,
helpless, in front of her house in South Lake Tahoe, California,
Dugard lived for the next 18 years in a shed and other outbuildings
behind her abductor's house, where she gave birth to two girls that he
fathered; the girls are now aged 11 and 15, police said.
Investigators arrested Phillip Garrido, a registered sex offender, on
charges of kidnapping and abusing her after police discovered Dugard on
Wednesday.
"The last 18 years have been rough, but the last two days have been
pretty good," her stepfather, Carl Probyn, told CNN's "American
Morning" on Friday.
[...] Garrido apparently maintained a blog in which he claimed to control
sound with his mind. The blog now has numerous profanity-laced
responses from people outraged over his alleged actions.
Am I the only one who initially thought, "Well, when you have 18 kids, it's probably hard to notice when one goes missing?"
["Dear Prudence" is published weekly on Slate.com. For the original article, click here.]
Dear Prudie, My girlfriend of six months has worn the same bra every day now for two weeks. I really wonder: Is this a normal thing for most women or a psychological issue? I feel it is a matter of hygiene, abnormal behavior, and also really gross.
Alright, I get it. You don't want to hear about electric cars anymore. That's fine. My lips are sealed.
Done.
Really, who cares, right? It's not like its the most important technological innovation in the transportation industry since the invention of the internal combustion engine. I'll just zip it.
What. Ever.
I'll just be quiet and you can get all your information on the future of electric vehicles elsewhere. Like, say, The Economist. Sure, that information may be coming from some brain dead hack who doesn't even know what he's talking about WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU EDITORS OF THE ECONOMIST WHY WOULD YOU LET SOMEBODY SAY THIS
The EPA has yet to reveal its draft methodology for testing the Volt
and other plug-ins. It clearly takes into account some contribution
from the vehicle's petrol-powered generator. It also seems to factor in
the cost of the electricity (a national average of 11 cents per
kilowatt-hour is quoted) used to recharge the battery. But how 230mpg
can be claimed for the Volt is difficult to fathom*.
OR THIS
Then the Volt's 1.4 litre petrol-engine has to kick in to cover the
extra ten miles--not to drive the wheels directly, like the Prius's
engine does, but to recharge the battery, which then feeds juice to the
electric motor, which, in turn, drives the wheels.
If that were an efficient way of delivering torque to the wheels,
all cars would have electric transmission systems instead of mechanical
ones. They don't, for good reason**. So expect no more than 20mpg*** for a
car the size and weight of the Volt when running under petrol power.
That is not only demonstrably wrong, but monstrously stupid. Hey, let's get rid of all these inefficient wires and power our refrigerators with drive shafts tied to windmills! Because its so much more efficient that way like in the cars driven by Economist authors on their way to "how to be smart" classes in opposite land****.
My point is, there is a lot of stupidity in the world. Stupidity that wraps itself in smart sounding words, like "Economist" and "The". So maybe next time you think, "oh there goes Jesse again, talking about some stupid science shit," your next thought will be, "Well, it could be worse. I could be reading The Economist."
With that said, sit back and read while I calculate the equivalent miles per gallon of a pony-electric hybrid.
Guess how many horsepower the engine is?
* It isn't difficult to fathom, its pretty fucking easy. I'm not saying that everybody can do it, but maybe if you can't do it right, don't fucking write about it.
** That good reason is because it is expensive, not because its inefficient. That's how trains work. Its called a diesel-electric. You are called an idiot.
*** Try 50 MPG. Not 20. I guess the vehicle lost some efficiency while you were digesting the facts and then pulling them out of your ass. I hear that can be an inefficient process.
Remember Tim Donaghy, the cousin of NBC executive Bill Donaghy, who looks a lot like Lloyd Braun from Seinfeld, the NBA ref who fixed a bunch of games and then got caught?
Your band performed in Austin this weekend at the, uh, Batfest, where people stand on a bridge and, uh, look at bats. (Whatever, like Austin needs an excuse for live music, I hear next week is Gravityfest). We all enjoyed the show - you even got the Suze to purchase a couple of your CDs that disappointed her on the drive home - but there was something a little... off... about your performance.
Put it this way: if sexual tension could be converted into energy, then the looks that you were giving the lead singer could have lit up Paris.
Netflix, you are awesome, and you are probably right. I will like this. But will I like this because I also enjoyed Fitzcarraldo, Little Dieter Needs to Fly, and Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters?
BUENA PARK, Calif.
(Aug. 28) -- A body that was found stuffed in a suitcase and thrown in
an Orange County trash bin has been identified as that of a 28-year-old
former swimsuit model who disappeared over the weekend.
Police said Tuesday that Jasmine Fiore had been strangled.
Lt. Gary Worrall
says police want to speak with Ryan Alexander Jenkins, of Alberta,
Canada, who reported her missing Saturday night after he reportedly
took her to a poker party in San Diego.
The Los Angeles Times reported that Jenkins was a contestant on the current VH1 reality show
'Megan Wants a Millionaire,' in which a woman tries to land a wealthy
husband.
Fiore's mother, Lisa
Lapore, told the Times that Jenkins and her daughter had been dating.
Police said they were investigating suggestions that the two had
married in Las Vegas.
I'm done. I'm done with you, internet.
A woman was killed by some reality show contestant psycho, stuffed into a suitcase - A SUITCASE - and thrown in a garbage bin like a baby on prom night, and the minute the phrase "swimsuit model" is attached, the only thing you want to know is that's right you guessed it, is she hot*?
Oh, hey, you know what I think I'll do tonight? Rub one out while thinking about the big fake boobs of that woman who was stuffed into a suitcase! Nothing makes me go wild like thinking about how Ryan Jenkins reportedly removed her fingertips and teeth to make it harder for police to identify the body! WHAT. THE. FUCK. INTERNET.
*On top of it all? She looked like a Barbie that someone had left in a hot car for a week.
Caster Semenya is a South African teenager who won the women's 800-meters at the world championships in Berlin on Wednesday. Today Caster received a gold medal for doing so, but alas there is controversy. No, it's not performance enhancing drugs that people are questioning Caster for...instead it's Caster's gender.
Now this doesn't seem like a difficult thing for me to figure out, but listen to some of the things that people are saying about her:
Her father, Jacob, told the Sowetan newspaper: "She is my little girl.
... I raised her and I have never doubted her gender. She is a woman
and I can repeat that a million times."
"Doubted her gender"? What kind of father says that? Let's ask Grandma:
Semenya's paternal grandmother, Maputhi Sekgala, said the controversy
"doesn't bother me that much because I know she's a woman."
It "doesn't bother" you much that people are questioning if your granddaughter is a man!? Is that a normal query in South Africa!?
Now I don't understand why Caster can't just drop her running shorts and bust out some hot and hairy South African vag and just end this controversy, but apparently
...there are cases of people who have ambiguous genitalia or other congenital conditions.
WHAT THE FUCK IS AN AMBIGUOUS GENITALIA!? Is Caster's paternal grandmother also her mother? But I mean this can't take that long to figure out right. Just give Caster a physical.
The gender test, which takes weeks to complete, requires a physical
medical evaluation, and includes reports from a gynecologist,
endocrinologist, psychologist, an internal medicine specialist and an
expert on gender.
What, what what!!! Apparently it takes a physical plus reports from FIVE other people too, including a psychologist!? What good can a psychologist tell you? Will he say that Caster feels like a woman so therefore she is? And who gets the job title of "Expert on Gender"? If you're an expert on gender then why do we need all these other people to figure out Caster's gender? You're the expert!
But if anyone should be an expert of Caster's gender it should be her former school headmaster right?
"She was always rough and played with the boys. She liked soccer and
she wore pants to school. She never wore a dress. It was only in Grade
11 that I realized she's a girl," Eric Modiba, head of the Nthema
Secondary School, told the Beeld newspaper.
The stupidest thing Plaxico Burress ever did was shoot himself in the leg. The smartest thing he did was try to cover it up, because he just got fucked.
Former New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress pleaded guilty Thursday to a weapons charge and agreed to a two-year
prison term for accidentally shooting himself at a Manhattan nightclub.
Burress pleaded guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of
a weapon, a lesser charge than he initially faced. Under a plea
agreement, he agreed to a two-year prison sentence and two years of
supervised release.
Personally, the only way this affects me is that Plaxico is going in just as Michael Vick comes out. An NFL wide receiver AND quarterback in federal prison at the same time? I smell a Longest Yard sequel!
Doesn't two years feel like a really long time for a crime that didn't hurt anybody? A year would have felt like alot. Six months feels right. Two years, for basically the same crime committed by these parties, who will not face any jail time:
[Giants linebacker Antonio] Pierce was not indicted. The grand jury also did not indict the
nightclub security guard who carried the gun to Pierce's car or the
hospital staff members who failed to notify police that Burress had
been shot.
I do not see a distinction between the crimes of Burress, Pierce, the security guard, and the hospital employees. Burress illegally possessed the gun. Then the security guard illegally possessed it. Then Pierce illegally possessed it. The hospital employees contributed to the attempted cover up. Yet Burress does two years and the others aren't even indicted?
That is what I thought to myself on the treadmill yesterday while watching Entertainment Tonight (no, I didn't choose it, sometimes when you are on the treadmill you are at the television watching whims of women while you work out.) Anyway, here is the person in question:
I have never seen this person before, I have no idea who this is, why does Entertainment Tonight think I care about them? Well, joke was on me, because I did know who it was. It was the soulless, mangled remains of Ashlee Simpson.
The image at the top is what is left of Ashlee Simpson's original face. Multiple plastic surgeries to her nose, chin, and cheeks have left her unrecognizable.
I don't blame her. I blame her horrible father, Joe Simpson, who should be forced to fight Michael Lohan to the death for my amusement (as a reward, the winner of this fight would receive... death).
No doubt pushed into show business from an early age, Ashlee failed to blossom into the blonde bombshell his older daughter Jessica became. In a bid to rescue her career in a business where looks are as important as singing, Joe forced his pretty but not quite beautiful enough daughter into a series of surgeries which robbed her of her face. How sad it must be to look in the mirror and see a dead-eyed stranger?
I thought this in the first few seconds after the reveal of her identity. Then I had another thought: "What do I give a fuck." Then I had another thought: "Running on this treadmill sucks."
1) There exists a length of hair for a man that is optimal, independent of age or station in life; 1a) This optimal length is that exhibited by Stephen Colbert before his hair cut during a visit to Iraq; 1b) Units of length of hair shall be designated in "Colberts", with 1 Colbert equal to the length of Stephen Colbert's hair B.I. (Before Iraq)
2) There exists an age after which one's hair shall be maintained at a length of 0.8 to 1.2 Colberts 2a) This age is 33 years
3) Prior to age 33, men may allow their hair to deviate in the following manner 3a) Hair may any length or style up to age 5 3b) Hair may be any length or style EXCEPT MULLET up to age 15 3c) Hair MAY NOT exceed lengths according to the following schedule:
Age 15-20: 4 Colberts Age 21-25: 3.5 Colberts Age 26-28: 3 Colberts Age 29-30: 2.5 Colberts Age 31: 2 Colberts Age 30: 1.5 Colberts
3d) If hair is to be kept short, it must be kept at 0.2 Colberts or less; 0.2-0.8 Colberts is not permitted;
These acceptable ranges are displayed in the chart below
Figure 1: Age vs. Hair Length
4) Exceptions to the previous rules are as follows: 4a) Black people 4b) Fabio 4c) Stephen Colbert
Be it further resolved that the afore stated axioms are PROOF POSITIVE that the length of my hair is currently within the acceptable boundaries of the Colbert Curve, given my age (27) and current length (between 2 and 2.5 Colberts). Furthermore, I may allow it to grow an additional 20-25% between now and October, Suzi, so GET OFF MY BACK MY HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL.
Football season is almost here, and that means that football fever is about to flare up again. Instead of taking our antibiotics this year, ObscureCraft is throwing the medicine away and basking in the delirium of football mania. Each week during the football season you will see more football related content than a Detroit Lions' season ticket holder. Didn't get that joke? Here's what I have to say to you:
FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
To start the season off, I've started a football pick 'em league on Yahoo! Fantasy Sports. If you enjoy having fun, read below. If you don't want to play because you hate fun and America, then why don't you take your ball and go back to your cave, Osama, because we don't want you here!
The Game
Each week during the football season you pick each game against the spread. The person with the most correct picks at the end of each week wins the week, and the person who gets the most correct overall wins the season.
Yahoo! will publish the matches and
the spreads for you. All you have to do is put a check mark next to the
team you think will be the winner. It's that simple!
Step 1: Check out each week's matchups and spreads Step 2: Carefully consider the teams involved, their on-field performance so far this year, the location, the injury report, the weather report, and anything else you think might influence the outcome Step 3: Make your picks and watch the games Step 4: Lose to Rose EVERY FUCKING YEAR HOW DO YOU DO IT ROSE
This popped up on Twitter last Tuesday, but didn't come to my attention until yesterday:
Nissan Leaf = 367 mpg, no tailpipe, and no gas required. Oh yeah, and it'll be affordable too!
This message was obviously aimed right at the stomach of Chevy Volt's announcement of a 230 MPG rating from the DOE. Unfortunately it missed, and instead went right into the logic center of my brain, causing it to rattle and spark. This cannot be true, I thought.
Truth begins to reveal itself in the weasel wording of the next message from Nissan, posted about 90 minutes later:
To clarify our previous tweet, the DOE formula estimates 367mpg for Nissan LEAF.
Which begs the question: what is the DOE formula for estimating miles per gallon for an electric vehicle?
If you are thinking you are not interested in reading this, or think its going to be too long or boring, I cannot stress enough how much you should finish this, and how upset you'll be when you are done. Think of this like an M. Night Shyamalan movie: its going to have a twist ending that will leave you confused, angry, and possibly both.
Yesterday, after my third consecutive day spent picking apart the Chevy Volt, I promised to provide some insight into how I thought GM could have avoided some of the problems they were having. I planned on explaining that, instead of forcing their electric vehicle to meet the expectations of today's consumers by putting an expensive internal combustion engine on top of an already-expensive battery driven vehicle, they should have modified consumer expectations of what a car should be. They should have gone all electric.
The extra cost and expense of the IC engine could have gone towards increasing the battery capacity, extending the range from 40 miles up to nearly 200. Or, they could have slashed the price of the vehicle instead. Or both! Offer a range of ranges with a range of prices.
LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) -- The woman accused of trying to extort
Louisville men's basketball coach Rick Pitino approached him in a
restaurant six years ago, and the two had sex at a table after closing
time, the coach told police.
Two weeks later, the married father
of five gave Karen Sypher $3,000 after she said she needed an abortion
and didn't have health insurance, according to a summary of Pitino's
July 12 statement to police. His attorney said Wednesday that the money
was to help her get medical coverage, not specifically to pay for an
abortion.
These two paragraphs have so much to say. About the relationship between sex and money. About the state of our health care system. About the linguistic parsing of attorneys, the money paid to college coaches at public universities while state budgets collapse, the infidelity of public figures, the...
SHUT UP YOU. We want to know one thing. Is she hot*?
*Uh... for an older woman, I guess. If I've had a few drinks. And its very dim. Say, after closing at a restaurant. And I am Rick Pitino.
Since Chevy announced that the Department of Energy has anointed the forthcoming Volt with an official efficiency rating of 230 MPG, I have been methodically picking apart the methodology by which this rating was determined. By my reckoning, based on information made public by Chevrolet, the most optimistic rating that should be given to the vehicle is 185 MPGe (that Ge is short for gallon of electrons, the unit of energy I invented to compare the efficiency of electrically powered cars to gasoline powered ones.)
By advertising that the vehicle will get 230 MPG, Chevy is obscuring the true cost of operating the vehicle in both environmental and economic terms. More importantly, they are setting themselves up for a public backlash when people actually start driving the thing and find out most determinedly that they will not get 230 MPG. We know this because the same backlash happened with the Toyota Prius. Except instead of seeing a drop from 65 to 40 MPG based on driver behavior, Chevy Volt owners could see a drop from 230 MPG all the way down to 60.
Or maybe not. It's possible that this backlash will not occur, since in order to determine the fuel efficiency, people need to drive in. And in order to drive it, somebody will need to buy it. And the best estimate is that it will cost $40,000.
Forty. Thousand. Dollars.
How many people are going to line up to buy an experimental $40,000 car? I honestly don't know. But here's a question I can answer: if they do buy it, will it be worth it?
Yesterday, I stated repeatedly that miles per gallon is a stupid way of rating a plug-in electric hybrid like the Chevy Volt, which is now claiming an EPA estimated 230 MPG for city driving. Let's take this apart one piece at a time.
1) In a gasoline car that gets 30 miles per gallon, you can drive 30 miles and use one gallon of gas. In the Chevy Volt, based on our estimates of 40 miles of electric range and 50 MPG on gasoline backup, you will actually consume 3.8 gallons of gasoline if you drive 230 miles.
2) The EPA rates gasoline engines for city and highway driving for two reasons. The first is that city driving involves idling, which consumes fuel while not actually moving. The second is that the efficiency of gasoline engines varies with speed. However, electric motors have much more forgiving efficiency-speed curves than gasoline engines, and do not need to consume energy while idling. If you drove 100 miles on the freeway or 100 miles in the city, there will be little difference in how much fuel you've consumed.
3) Rating the engine based on gasoline consumption alone ignores the cost and environmental impacts of the electricity consumed during the first 40 miles of travel. Just because you've used no gas after 40 miles doesn't mean you haven't used energy, spent money, or emitted carbon. Its electricity, not pixie dust.
And its this last point that is most important. What is the fuel efficiency of the electric batteries? And how does this compare to the fuel efficiency of a gasoline engine?
General Motors announced today that the Chevy Volt plug-in hybrid car has received a 230 MPG rating for city driving. Compared to the 40-60 MPG boasted by today's high-performing hybrid vehicles, it is in another league. But even more importantly, it is a stupid, stupid way to rate the efficiency of a plug-in vehicle.
In a hybrid vehicle, batteries are used to store and recapture energy that is otherwise wasted during braking and coasting. The result is a more efficient use of the energy stored in the gasoline. Even though there is an electrical component to the utilization of the energy, gasoline remains the sole energy source. That's why MPG makes sense as an efficiency rating for hybrids. When you can plug in your vehicle, this is no longer the case. Electricity comes from the grid, gasoline from the pump; you have a dual fuel vehicle. Moreover, the energy is not used at the same time. Stored electricity is consumed before any gasoline. So, why would you rate a vehicle on miles per gallon if it need not use any gallons at all?
The answer is marketing. And 230 miles per gallon is a pretty nice marketing chip for GM to have. But what does it mean? And here is today's question: How did they come up with that number? I'm not exactly sure, but I have a pretty good guess.
"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's "death panel" so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their "level of productivity in society," whether they are worthy of health care."
So let's just pretend it's true for the sake of discussion. All expectant mothers will be forced to testify in front of a panel of bureaucrats to determine if their child will be eligible for medical treatment. There'd have to be at least three, and more fairly five panelists for these. Each one would only be able to handle maybe four cases a day (two hours per life seems reasonable). With the number of cases we're talking about, that means there's going to be a huge need for new bureaucrats willing to make these calls. These will be tough, you don't know if these babies are going to be a burden or a productive member of society like Evan from So You Think You Can Dance.
Perhaps this is the secret plan to solve unemployment, but finding enough applicants willing to do the work seems tough. Does being an Obama donor give you an advantage in the interviews? If they're actually called "Obama death panels", I'd imagine so. Who makes the hiring decisions, Obama himself? Rahm Emanuel's physician brother (this is a real accusation I've read)? How do you keep ideologically motivated applicants who'd vote 'live' or 'die' to every case out? Who'd be monitoring for bribes, since it seems like a process ripe for purchase?
Who actually believes that the spineless Democrats in Congress, who've been completely unable to get things they actually want, like a public option included in their own bills, would instead put language to MURDER YOUR GRANDMA AND UNBORN CHILD. What politican would think, "hmm, this bill is decent, but it could use some spice. Staffer, throw in some forced euthanization of the elderly in there"? Just imagine the attack ads! Oh wait, you don't actually have to imagine them because they'll be on your TV in a few weeks. What kind of person actually hears this and doesn't think it's laughably insane, aside from Glenn Beck? At least lies like 'they'll raise your taxes to pay for illegal immigrant's botox injections' might have a tiny connection to the real world.
ST. LOUIS | Protesters are demanding justice for a man who was
injured during fighting that erupted last week when audience members at
a St. Louis-area aging forum began yelling about health care reform.
Backers of Kenneth Gladney, 38, of St. Louis, gathered Saturday at the
offices of the Service Employees International Union for an event
organized by the pro-limited government Tea Party coalition.
[...] Brown told the crowd that Gladney is accepting donations toward his
medical expenses. Gladney told reporters he was laid off recently and
has no health insurance.
Its like rain on your wedding day. Its the green light when you're already late. Its not having health insurance to cover your injuries sustained while protesting universal health coverage. But who would have thought it'd figure?
HOUSTON, TEXAS - A felony suspect who tipped the scale at more than 500 pounds carried
an unloaded 9mm pistol into city and county jails beneath flabs of his
skin even though law enforcement officers repeatedly searched him,
authorities said Thursday.
Thank god for the dedicated officer who, after being told the 500 pound man had been searched four times, said, No. I need to search this fat piece of shit one more time, just to make sure, and really get under all the folds. I've searched his necks, I've searched under his boobs, I've searched in between and under his ass cheeks... AHA! Under this fold below is right arm! Wedged up here next to a half-eaten turkey sub and a copy of Scattergories.
Houston: coming to reclaim the title of America's fattest city, one quarter-ton man at a time.
1) Because Big Papi and Manny Ramirez were the two best players on two championship baseball teams. Yes, every World Series from the last 20 years, since Canseco and McGwire juiced the A's to a championship, has been tainted. But name another team other than those A's where the best two players, far and away the best two players, were on steroids. Hint: there isn't one.
2) Because the Red Sox after 2004 became the face of baseball, and MLB, ESPN, and every other interested party has tried to preserve that story. That's why ESPN uses Fenway Park as the backdrop for its baseball advertising. That's why the Red Sox will have more nationally broadcasted games on ESPN, TBS, and MLB Network than any other team this year. And that's why MLB hired Red Sox part-owner George Mitchell to "investigate" steroids in baseball. His investigation began and ended with two clubhouse attendants on the two New York teams who were connected to steroids. Meanwhile? This was happening:
Major League Baseball opened an
investigation into performance-enhancing drugs inside the Red Sox
clubhouse at the height of last year's pennant race after two members
of the team's security staff were implicated in steroid use.
Both
men were fired in a case that speaks to both Major League Baseball's
new intolerance for steroids and its inconclusive efforts to
investigate suspicious cases.
The
security staffers said they were dismissed after what they termed a
cursory inquiry by Major League Baseball, and very limited questioning
by the team - even though one of the guards says he swapped advice
about steroids with David Ortiz's close friend and personal assistant.
Were steroids being used in every clubhouse? Maybe. Probably. Yes. But Mitchell only investigated New York while this guy, Red Sox clubhouse attendant Jared Remy, walked around under his nose:
3) Because when every other name has been released, its been a big deal. A-Rod, Clemens, Bonds, McGwire, Sosa, on and on and on. Each player measured, judged, debated endlessly. And now that its lovable Big Papi, precious Big Papi, we're supposed to say, "oh, everybody used it, just put an asterisk on the whole thing and be done with it." Well, I say: Fuck that noise.
4) Because steroids made Big Papi's career. Guys like Clemens and Bonds were great players, Hall of Fame players, before they took steroids. Well, Papi was not a great player before steroids. He was a borderline major leaguer.
5) Because I fucking hate him, that's why. I hate him and his douchebag facial hair, and his being an athlete but also fat, and his being on the Red Sox, and all those big home runs that he hit against the Yankees while juiced. His taking steroids has had a direct impact on my quality of life. So don't tell me we can just judge the whole era as tainted and be done with it. Because I'm not done with it. Not by a long shot.
Imagine a box of Neopolitan ice cream. Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry. You've just opened it up, and you are ready to dig in. What do you choose?
If you are like me, you pick the chocolate. Chocolate is the best choice. Vanilla can be good, but if its cheap vanilla, it comes out chalky and gross. Chocolate is always sweet and delicious. Chocolate is the right answer.
But maybe you are allergic to chocolate, or when you walk past chocolate in a dark parking lot at night you get uncomfortable. Its okay, its just you and me here, I'm not here you judge you. Go with the vanilla if it makes you feel safer.
Or maybe you are a billy goat, and you just want to eat the carton. You have a nice goatee, billy goat, say hello to your mother for me.
You know what you don't do? You don't pick strawberry first. Nobody picks strawberry first. In fact, nobody eats strawberry, ever. Chocolate and vanilla get eaten, and then the billy goat eats the carton, and strawberry melts into a puddle in the garbage can. Sure, strawberry might have nice boobs, but that's only because ice cream doesn't usually have any boobs, so they only look nice in comparison, and did you notice strawberry has huge teeth?
We open with the picture frame routine again. I gather that this is a two hour greatest hits episode, making it a ton of fun to blog. Remember all those months ago? It certainly feels like it's been months of blogs. 26.2 million votes seems pretty impressive, I wonder how it compares to American Idol finales. Mia Michaels looks particularly terrifying tonight, and Mary is sporting massive bling. Lil C is also in attendance, so I know what's going to take up the bulk of the time. Hint: it is incoherent rambling. (Edit: he actually didn't say more than a sentence all night, the egg is on my face).
The night you have all been waiting for is here. Maybe it's because you want to see who will become America's favorite dancer. Maybe it's because you want me to stop writing about this shit. Either way, you get your wish tonight, as Jeanine, Evan, Kayla, and Brandon take the stage one. Last. Time.
SYTYCD seems to appreciate the epicness of the occasion, as they have upgraded their digs for the first time in 5 years. For the finale, they've moved into the Kodak Theater, home of venerable American institutions like the Oscars and, uh, American Idol.
Mary Murphy turns to the crowd looking for noise, shouting, "I can't hear you! I can't hear you!" Sadly, nobody in the crowd realizes that, after years of listening to her own shouting, she cannot actually hear them.
During this series, I've had one refrain: in comparing the electricity grid to the water distribution system, I've said that there is no reservoir. What that means is: in the water distribution system, water is stored in reservoirs and lakes. When it rains, these fill up. When you turn on the faucet or the shower, they drain out. Because there is storage capacity, you don't need to have your faucet or shower turned at the exact moment that it is raining.
In the electric grid, there is no reservoir. When you turn on your electrical device, somebody, somewhere, has to provide power at that exact moment. When you turn your device off, somebody turns off the supply. That's a simple concept, but doesn't address the underlying question: why isn't there a reservoir? Haven't utility companies ever heard of a battery?
What would Brian Boitano make If he were here right now I'm sure he'd make a big ass cake That's what Brian Boitano'd make.
When Brian Boitano was in the alps,
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath,
To make a delicious roast.
Thanks to OC tipper Rose. Sorry I accused you of being a filthy liar when you told me this existed, Rose. But, really? A cooking show starring Brian Boitano with a name inspired by a song from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut? Who would believe such a thing exists?
On another note: if I watched and blogged this, would anyone read it?
The smart grid, as you are hopefully beginning to see, is about providing regulators, customers, and utilities with the information they need to effectively manage the demand and supply to the grid. Going back once again to my analogy of the water system, there is no reservoir in the electricity grid. What goes in must come out.
As demand varies over the course of a day, generation equipment must be switched on and off. Peaking equipment - typically natural gas fired turbines - are allowed to operate with fewer (or no) environmental emissions controls, because they do not run all the time. But that's a justification, its not the underlying reason. The reason is that emission controls are expensive, and because the turbines cannot run all the time, they cannot be generating power (and profit) all the time. If the turbines were too expensive, utilities wouldn't bother to build them.
During 
The image at the top is what is left of Ashlee Simpson's original face. Multiple plastic surgeries to her nose, chin, and cheeks have left her unrecognizable.
Be it resolved that:
[Part 
[Part one is 
