Look it was that or The Final Frontier.  I'm dosed to shit on cold medicine so this will probably be evenmore rambling and stream of consciousness than normal.  Cat Deeley is wearing a short dress but it has giant bling so that's halfway to normal.  Not halfway to normal is the opening routine, a NappyTabs set to Seven Nation Army.  I liked the costuming though.

Now we'll find out the FINAL TEN.  The judges will get one last chance to kick off someone more talented in favor of Kupono then it's America's turn.  Fortunately, these recaps are getting shorter since there's less and less content, but the filler will be agonizing.

Jason and Caitlin and Brandon and Jeanette come out first GEE I WONDER WHO IS IN DANGER.  If anyone.  Their foxtrot was a snorefest but I liked the lyrical jazz.  OC SO Stephanie agreed with the judges that is sucked.

Brandon and Jeanette are too good to be in danger.  Top Four material for sure.  The first couple is Jason and Caitlin, surprising nobody.  They "didn't have the magic" and will have to "fight and renew", thanks Mary Murphy.  I think she was advising them to find the wizard's staff for their solos or something. 

Evan and Randi are still adorable but have gotten lame routines these last couple weeks.  Why does everyone like Randi anyway?  Jeanine is wearing six inches of makeup and is kind of terrifying.  Evan and Randi are safe, leaving Philip and Jeanine in the bottom yet again.  The Russian Folk Dance was dreadful, but their other one wasn't too bad. 

Melissa and Ade and Kayla and Kupono are left.  Melissa and Ade are almost always great so let's get ready to watch another awful Kupono solo and then the judges try to justify keeping him.  Well now I hope I'm right, and I'm not.  Oops.  That's a surprise to me, I figured Ade and his afro pick would be safe. 

Instead of a guest dance we get previews of the auditions from next year.  Great we have to watch these exact same clips twice.  Thanks SYTYCD.  Who is this bowtie wearing neckbeard, you are not as lovable as Evan get off my TV!  What, why do the judges like this crapfest?  Oh god if he makes the top 20 I am going to blog SO HARD.  If he takes it from Evan's fat, bald and even more likable brother I might have to mail Nigel a -, well let's not confess to federal crimes.

Caitlin you're going home deal with it.  It looks like she has as she doesn't bother to do much.  She does a cool flip though. 

Jason you're going home even faster.  Why even comment?  I am going to blame Kupono for this even though Jason isn't actually that great.

Jeanine is wearing a skimpy outfit, which I approve of.  However the routine is dull.  Are the solos ever good?  Boobs

To remind me that solos are good comes Philip.  He may have shown zero ability to do anything outside his style but goddamn he does his style well.

We are then threatened with a commercial and then a song by one of Destiny's children.  I almost fast forward through the rest of the show out of principle. 

Melissa's song sounds like it is farting at us, although that might just be my tv.  It is some ballet.

Ade what the fuck is wrong with you why are you dancing to Windows error sounds?  If you weren't amazing I would be worried, but you are so you could actually dance to a recording of Jack Black from Tropic Thunder and still be safe.

I would comment on the song but my screen is covered in vomit from it so I'll pass.

Unanimous but "no doubt all six are great dancers".  Yeah, it's Caitlin.  I was less sure about that one than I am with Jason so I'm feeling good about my predictions minus Kupono staying in the top.  Wow, they kicked off Philip how odd.  Oh ok, they secured a spot for him on the tour.  That's clearly the only reason he made it this far so not too much of a surprise.