This recap will be on the briefer side since I have to get ready for the first annual ObscureCraft Retreat.  I've been warned that the results are "Shocking".  Evan better not get thrown off, that's all I have to say.

First off are Karla and Vitolio aka the KV club SEE JESSE I'M USING IT.  Also Randi and Evan.  One is safe, one in danger.  KV nailed the quickstep as much as it could be done, but Randi and Evan are lovable and also Evan is wearing a large white bowtie.  I'd miss either of them.  The quickstep remains the kiss of death.  Nigel says "they're no stranger to the bottom 3 they'll adjust".  Not a good omen.

Jeanette and Brandon - they did the cha cha, the judges and OC SO Steph liked it, I found Brandon's feminine manners offputting.  Safe.  

Kayla and Kupono - I love weird contemporary routines and this one worked for me despite Kupono being annoying.  It was a little high concept, but not as weird as the alien impregnation routine so the weird voters might vote them instead.  High risk of being in the bottom.  ...and they are.  Kupono is living on borrowed time.  Mia liked the weird contemporary routine, STOP THE PRESSES.  She also blatantly says she'll vote to keep them.

Melissa and Ade - Pas de Deux, still boring.  Yes it was performed well, but it was boring.  I'll take zombies fucking aliens any day.  Safe.

Caitlin and Jason had the aforementioned routine.  In an increasingly common occurance, I find myself disliking the male dancers but loving the women.  Last season there were so many great male dancers.  Anyway despite my annoyance I think Jason went all in and rocked it.  Safe.  The weirder voters do in fact turn out, even though the zombie routine was better.

Jeanine and Philip - LOVE LOCKDOWN A LOVE LOCKDOWN GET YOUR LOVE LOCKDOWN.  This was a fun routine despite his annoying face.  Don't lie, we were all hoping for him to trip on the chain.  Philip go home you are in the bottom three even in your element with a gimmick performance set to KANYE.  That's a freebie.

Nigel lets us know that people like different things, THANKS.  Mary rambles about something that I don't pay attention to.  Did Mia Michaels even say anything?  As promised I am fast forwarding through the guest dancers before I slip into a permanent coma.

What is this commercial about attractive people trying to sell fat surly nerds cell phones.  Here at ObscureCraft we are all about surly nerds but this commercial is terrible.

Karla is as beautiful as ever but the solo seems slow and unimpressive.  Probably trying to avoid the 'desperate' charges from last time.  She's really pushing her luck with that one.

Vitolio, RASCAL FLATTS? What the hell Vitolio, what the hell?  The only notable thing was blatantly squeezing in a spin after the buzzer.  He won me over with the quickstep, but then he overused the 'kiss of joy' comment, it wasn't funny the first time dammit.

Kayla.  And now Sarah MacLachlan.  Increasingly strange solo music choices this weekend.  I know a lot more about music than dance, maybe that's why I focus on the song selection more than the style.  Kayla is definitely safe.

Kupono - Cut off jean shorts?  At least he's cutting down on the bling a little bit.  Meeeh.  Oh God Kelly Clarkson is performing WHYYYYYY

Jeanine is also great.  I would send all three guys home and keep all three girls.  In my basement.

Philip argh why does your annoying face ruin a great solo.  This was the standout of the guys but he's been pretty blah in the weekly dances so he's not entirely safe.  Safest of the three though.

Wasn't Kelly Clarkson young and skinny at one point?

Unanimous on the girls.  "We don't talk about you Jeanine.. but it was brilliant." Get to InTrade and sell Karla fast.  Kayla - "Judge's and choreographer's favorite.  Not dancing from the heart".  Karla "A very good dancer but...." she's done.  Didn't even pay attention after that.  And right, she's done.  Sorry Jesse.  You get one last montage to finish up.  

Unanimous on the guys too.  Philip is "unique and superb at what he does.  A little desperate" Goddamnit this is the most annoying criticism.  He and his obnoxious face are safe.  Kupono tries to jack Vitolio's spot.  "Great presence, but don't really deliver anything apart from that".  Kupono "Such a weak solo."  But he sounds safe.  AGAIN.  DESPITE BEING TERRIBLE EVERY WEEK.  GODDAMNIT WHY?  Max and now Vitolio sacrificed on the altar of their inexplicable lust for Kupono.