[Dear Sugar is published weekly on therumpus.net. For the original column, click here.]Dear
Sugar OC,
I am a thirty-something-year old woman who has been on the pill for awhile now. When I think about how much the pill has cost me over the years the number starts to upset me a little. Straight up: I think my current boyfriend should start sharing half the cost with me, but we rarely discuss money (in fact, the only costs we've split up until now are movie tickets and the price of dinner).What do you think? If you think it's a fair request, how do you think I should bring it up with him?
Thanks,
Dutch Girl
Dear Dutch:
If you total up any infinitesimal amount over enough years, the cost can
be a little upsetting. A thought experiment: if I spent $1 a day on
coffee every day for a hundred years, then I would be almost as old as
you are. That uterus of yours ain't gettin any less dusty: time to start getting serious,
girlfriend. If you want your
boyfriend you start helping you out with expenses, try this foolproof
plan that has proven effective time and again.
1. Stop taking the pill
2. Have his baby
3. Take his ass on Maury and sue for child
support
YOU ARE THE FATHER!!
-----
Dear
Sugar OC,
Hope you can help with this friendship etiquette question. I'm one of
the few people in my immediate circle of friends with a car, and
because I don't drink and enjoy driving and choosing the music, I end
up chauffeuring everyone about a good deal. Most of my friends are
solid folks with a good understanding of reciprocity, and they'll throw
a few bucks towards gas if I'm filling up while they're there, or spot
me a soda once we get to where we're going as a thanks. But then there
is my best bud, who is my best bud for many reasons, but thoughtfulness
is actually not one of them. Best bud benefits the most by far from my
driving ways, but never offers to chip in for gas unless I bring it up
first, and he is so spoiled at this point that he doesn't even bother
with a "thanks for the ride" when I'm dropping him off at his
motherfucking door.
What can I do here? Like I say, when I mention that it'd be cool if
he'd throw in, he's usually amenable (though he almost never carries
cash and weasels out that way too), but I feel lame and naggy bringing
it up all the time. Your thoughts?
Mini Driver
Dear Mini:
I actually have the perfect solution to your problem, as I experience
it myself. I don't drink when my friends and I go out to bars, so I'm
always driving. However, I am not always driving
my own car. Why not?
Because my car is A PIECE OF SHIT. My car is like the Michael Jackson
of cars: it started off looking great, but years of wear and tear have
left it looking like a dead child molester. In fact, its gotten to the
point where nobody - including me - wants to get into it. So, take a
handy bludgeoning implement and just start whacking at your car until
no reasonable person would think it drivable. Then, next time somebody
wants you to drive your car anywhere, just point at it and shrug.
-----
Sugar OC,
Is it possible to find a partner in a chat room or in a virtual world?
Can I trust the people I meet there? It's impossible to meet someone at
work (trust me...it really is); and as I have a child, it's hard to go
out to meet people. Any suggestions?
Lonely Mom
Dear Lonely:
A lonely, desperate, socially awkward single mother looking for love? This is basically what the internet was invented for.
However, you have to be careful out there. You think its hard being a
single mom? How about being an orphan child who's mom was raped and
murdered by the charming lad she met in Second Life? (That's still a
thing, right? Second Life?) Yes, its possible to meet a partner on the
internet. I'm pretty sure that's how nerds procreate. However, at some
point, you will have to actually leave your house to meet these
people/nerds/Craigslist killers. Might I suggest, instead of cruising
for love in chat rooms or virtual worlds, trying an internet dating
site?
