Hot on the heels of last night, we come back with the first psuedo-voting off in the summer season of So You Think You Can Dance.  We start off with a group dance set to the increasingly ubiquitous Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas aka "you so two thousand and late".  The main standout here are the costumes, at least on the women, as they are exceedingly tight and the dance prominently features ass shaking.  Yeah, I'm going to objectify the women almost as much as Jesse.  Deal with it.





 
And now it's time for the fluff piece, where they cut presumably hours of footage into 45 seconds of one liners.  You'd kind of think they'd be able to do better.  They first ask about the partners.  Shockingly, nobody is willing to badmouth the new partner they'll be stuck with for weeks on live TV.  The most amusing part comes from dueling animal impersonations. 

Next up: results.  The first three couples come out, Kayla and Max, Randi and Evan, and Jeanine and Philip.  The judges liked all three, as did ObscureCraft.  The first two are safe, presumably dooming Jeanine and Philip, but surprise: they're all safe.  WHAT A TWIST!  I'M ON THE EDGE OF MY ASS.  One round of smelling salts later to recover from the vapors, and Cat brings out the next eight. 

Caitlin and Jason had the unfortunate luck of drawing the Bollywood number, which might have been impressive had we not all seen a much more elaborate dance number set to the same damn song during the credits of Slumdog Millionaire.  Shockingly, they're safe.

Ade and Melissa  The naughty ballerina.  I remember this routine for nickname and the head under the skirt lift.  Pretty generic, but safe for now.

Ashley and Kopono You have a silly look Kopono and you got a suitably silly routine, involving crash test dummies.  And a crash test dummy dog.  However they nailed it, albeit it looks really bad cut up into a fifteen second montage. 

Which leaves... Tony and Paris.  I hated this less than seemingly everyone else, but no question that they're in the bottom three.  And they need to do a lot better in solos.  Predictably, they're, uh in danger?  Unsafe?  Craptacular?  Nigel lectures Tony about his 'gangsta' demeanor.  How emasculating.

Brandon and Jeanette performed a foxtrot, which both Jesse and Suzi seemed to love but I could only focus on Brandon's disturbing plastered smile.  IT NEVER MOVED.  Safe, unsurprisingly.

Asuka and Vitolio got the shortest straw of all, an uncharacteristically lame Tyce Diorio Broadway routine.  I usually like these a lot, but the silent film motif didn't work at all.  America resists yellow fever and puts them in the bottom three.

Johnathan and Karla got the cha-cha, and in Jesse's words 'sail through the first week'.  I don't remember much about their routine personally.  Oops, that is the first real surprise of the night, as they are going to be doing solos.  Jesse was right about one thing though, Karla is super hot.  I won't complain about watching her do a solo, and I'd be stunned if the judges send her home.

The first of many irrelevent guest performances appears now while the bottom six prepare.  Admittedly it's more related than usual, a sexy tango which would probably be enough tokeep me from fast forwarding the DVR even if I weren't recapping.  They looked about six hundred years old in dance years though.

Paris leads off the solos with a totally bland number that's hard to even comment on.  I'd short her stock on InTrade.

Her partner, Tony, does better for himself, wearing an awesome red bowtie and long tailed jacket, but this wasn't as terrible as his number from last night.  As is increasingly common for me, however, I'm not sure if I'm enjoying it sincerely or ironically.  The bowtie's spell is strong.

Asuka was strangely compelling with a routine that involves lots of kicking.  The legs were hypnotic, and not just because of her 'slender' figure, if you know what I mean.

Vitolio comes out shirtless, appparently a good move as the women in the audience shriek loudly enough to force a desperate search for the volume remote.  His performance is a lethal combination of boredom and goofiness, I'd be shocked if they keep him.

Now Karla and Jonathan, and they're both easily the best of the solos.  Combined with the fact that their routine was also the best of the three, they're sticking around.  Johnathan does some awesome flips.

While the judges deliberate, guest performance two, and I instinctively go for the fast forward.  But no, I watch it for you, gentle ObscureCraft readers.  It's flavor of the month Sean Kingston, who helpfully wears large bling with his name on it, keeping me from having to look it up.  Thanks for that!  He has dancers about a third of his size, and I begin to grow increasingly concerned he might eat one of them.  Thankfully it ends casualty-free.

And the judges are back, with a unanimous verdict.  Karla is 'very good, but needs to remember dancing is more than a series of steps'.  Wow, I've only seen one season of this show and I've already heard this a few dozen times.  But then they admit, oddly that they like to keep each genre represented despite talent.  Asuka is a 'little star' which seems vaguely patronizing and also vaguely inaccurate since she hasn't shown that. 

...but she stays, partially because Paris is one of many contemporary dancers and is thus more expendable.  Cue the Stephen Colbert "I CALLED IT", despite how obvious it was.

The guys' vote was also unanimous, although in the words of the judges 'none of them deserve to stay very long'.  Johnathon's dancing was not very good, but his gymnastics were.  Can't disagree too much with that.  Vitiolio showed no personality, but must have blown them (or just Nigel) away in Vegas, since they inexplicably decide to keep him.

Goodbye Tony, you won't be missed, but your bowtie will be.