As a parent, I get constantly inundated with the stupidest nonsense that you can possibly imagine from various groups anxious to protect my child for me. From nonsense emails about the nastiness of the Ball Pit at your local Chuck E. Cheese to the nonexistent drugs that are the next big thing ("They'll addict and whorify your daughter, all at once!"), being a parent requires a vigilant bullshit detector to separate the necessary from the stupid.
Needless to say, my bullshit detector is going haywire when it comes to "sexting," which allegedly involves, amongst other nonsense, a secret code known and understood only by children. Fortunately, Fox News in Atlanta cracked the code in an article entitled
"Top 50 Text Acronyms Parents Should Know." (This nonsense reminds of what Jesse documented
here.)
Needless to say, I've decided to sext all of you. Are you ready? Here we go:
"Hey. Want to 8? You're 1137 at 8. 143 when you 8 me. 182 you when you don't 8 me. Let's 8 then go to a 1174 and 8 again. Let's smoke some 420, then you can 8 my Banana. But seriously, IF/IB? I mean after we 8. I'm already J/O. God, we're working so hard to KPC, especially when...oh no, P911! PAL! PAW!"
"Okay, I'm back. Start 8ing me again. You really are MPFB. Also, I'm totally NIFOC right now, watching PRON. I'm telling you that, even though you're here, 8ing me. Or are you? Is this all a fantasy? Anyway. Fortunately for you, I'm Q2C, so you don't have to 8 me very long. Yeah, that's it, TDTM! Oh, wait, oh no, P911! PAL! PAW! PAL!"
