• 9 tablespoons of butter
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil
• 4 boneless chicken breast
  
• 2 1/4 teaspoons of salt
• 1 1/4 teaspoons of freshly ground pepper
• 1 pound of white mushrooms, sliced
• 1 large yellow onion, finely chopped
• 5 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon of chopped fresh thyme leaves
• 1/2 cup of dry white wine
• 1/3 cup of all-purpose flour
• 4 cups of whole milk, at room temperature
• 1 cup of heavy whipping cream, at room temperature
• 1 cup of chicken broth
• 1/8 teaspoon of ground nutmeg
• 12 ounces of linguine
• 3/4 cup of frozen peas
• 1/4 cup of fresh parsley leaves, chopped
• 1 cup of grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/4 cups of dried Italian-style breadcrumbs

Got all of that?  Before we start let's talk about these ingredients a bit.  I copied this from Giada's recipe, but feel free to add your own touch.  This is what I did.  I only had 3 chicken breasts so that's how many I used.  Also, only douchebags measure out their salt and pepper...so if you were unsure about your status that's a good litmus test.  Next I only used 10 oz. of mushrooms because that's how many Rose bought at the grocery store, and I wouldn't have called my onion "large"...perhaps just overweight on the WiiFit scale.  And finally I used all dried herbs.  In my opinion fresh herbs add much more aroma than flavor when compared to dried herbs, and in a dish like this with a lot of other flavors fresh herbs weren't necessary.

OK...enough ingredient pep-talk.  Your cheating man is probably getting hungry so preheat your oven to 450.  DO IT!  PREHEAT IT ALL OF YOU TREE HUGGERS!  Then take some of that butter (1 tbsp) and spread it all over that 13x9x2 inch baking dish.  Make sure it is well lubed.  I assume that you are familiar with this technique in one way or another.

Then set that baby off to the side and melt another tablespoon of butter in 1 tbsp of oil in a nonstick pan over medium-high heat.  Then salt and pepper your breasts.  You know, flavor them a bit.  Then wait until that butter starts sizzling and then drop those bad boys in the pan.  When one side is cooked then flip them.  Giada says 4 minutes per side...I say flip them when they are just cooked because mine were still a little raw after 4 minutes.  Use your brain.  They should look something like this:

Yum right?  When they're ready take them out and put them in a big ass bowl.  Make sure to keep the delicious chicken juice in the pan.  Let them cool enough so you can touch them without being burned.  Remember, the longer you wait the smaller your balls get.  Then take two forks and shred that chicken.  It's OK to have a few big chunks.  Nothing's wrong with chunks.  CHUNK!  I think is a fun word to say.  When it looks like this then your good.

See the chunks.  Anyway, add another tbsp of butter and oil to the chicken pan.  You didn't turn off the stove right?  You did, didn't you?  Back to medium-high please.  Then add the mushrooms.  Are you thinking that they won't all fit?  Don't worry, when cooked mushrooms shrink like a dick in a pool.  They'll all fit.  After 12 minutes (thus saith Giada) or when the mushroom juice is out and they're all golden brown add the onions, garlic, and thyme.  Sautee until the onions are translucent (8 minutes on Giada time) and look like this.

Then get ready to sizzle.  Add that wine and get a buzz from the fumes.  Cook away until the wine evaporates (2 mins) and everything looks like this.

Then pour this into the chicken bowl.  Yum!

I'm sure you didn't turn off the range again...you're not that stupid.  So now turn the flame down to medium-low.  We're going to make one of the coolest things (I think) in cooking.  A roux.  (This is a French word and we all know that French words make NO sense.  It's pronounced "roo" like "kangaroo" or "Ru Paul rues the day that he and/or she attempted to make a roux".)  Now Giada is retarded because she says to mixed 3 tablespoons of butter and 1/3 cup of flour.  THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!  Rouxs (is that the plural?) are made from equal parts fat and flour and 1/3 cup is not equal to 3 tbsp, so I don't know what she's talking about.  The purpose of the roux is to thicken a sauce, but if you don't do it right you get gross clumpy things.  I would recommend to use less flour since there is already a lot of butter in this dish.  (Also don't use reduced fat butter like me...you'll have to remake the sauce.)

OK...enough about roux.  Put an equal amount of butter and flour in the pan and get our your trusty whisk and whisk the butter and flour.  After a minute or so add the milk, cream, broth, nutmeg, and some more salt and pepper.  Here's what the sauce should look like at this point.

Now turn up the heat to high, cover the pan, and bring the sauce to a boil.  Then lower the heat, uncover the sauce, and simmer for about 10 minutes, stirring with the whisk occasionally.  Once your sauce looks like this then you're done.

While all of this was going on you cooked your pasta right?  Dumbass.  Cook it.  No I'm not telling you how to do it retard.  After you figure it out and cook it, add it to the chicken-mushroom bowl.  Also add the parsley and peas and then the sauce.  Toss it all like a salad so everything is coated by the sauce.  Then transfer it all to the baking dish.  Remember that thing that you lubed up a while ago.  Spead it out until it looks like this.

Now mix together the breadcrumbs and cheese and sprinkle it over the pasta mixture.  Finally cut up the remaining 3 tablespoons of butter and drop it on top of everything.  It will help keep it moist and brown it up a bit.  Now slide that baby into the oven (you did preheat it right Jesse?) and bake it for 25 minutes or until it's golden brown on top and the sauce is bubbly.  Then eat it and have crazy home-wrecking sex.