Grinds My Gears: Pretty much everything about air travel

jesse

@ May 21, 2009

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You know what really grinds my gears? The following things from the airport today:

- Hey, girl across the aisle from me waiting for the plane: are you, at present, driving? I know you aren't, because you are sitting in an airport. So why do you need to talk on the phone using a Bluetooth hands free device? I looked up, and saw a crazy woman shouting at nobody in particular and waving her hands around and looking wildly from side to side. Yes, it would have still been strange if you had a phone in your hand, but I wouldn't have had the urge to tackle you.

- Hey, everybody waiting for the plane? SIT THE FUCK DOWN. They will call you when it is time for your row to board, and standing in front of the gate only SLOWS EVERYTHING DOWN. God, you assholes are the worst. And by "you assholes" I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO HAS EVER FLOWN.

- Hey, airlines? Get this boarding shit straightened out. I stood on the plane for five minutes waiting for some OCD jerkoff to arrange the bags to all point due south while I stood next to some perfectly good, empty seats. Why couldn't I sit in those seats? Wouldn't it make things go faster if I could sit whever I wanted instead of cramming into the back of the plane? THIS IS INCREDIBLY BASIC STUFF AIRLINES GET IT TOGETHER.

- And, hey, airlines? He's Just Not That Into You? Really? Why not just waterboard me from Houston to Baltimore instead?

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grinds my gears

Filed under: air travel | gmg

joem @ May 21, 2009 11:29 PM

I don't like them either (you haven't truly felt like the world's gone mad until you've walked down a posh NYC sidewalk and every single person has one), but these hands free devices for one's cellphone are supposed to lessen the radiation that pours into your brain and causes cancer. Supposedly.

And re: air travel... You have just listed some of the reasons I never fly anymore. I can get to the Amtrak station 5 minutes before boarding and have plenty of time. And I get a fairly spacious seat with it's own power outlet (what's up, laptop). Man, I could go on an on about my love of rail travel...

jesse @ May 22, 2009 8:05 AM

When I was traveling between Boston and NJ for work, I always took the train. I've loved the train every time I've used it.

Unfortunately, Texas doesn't believe in passenger trains. Amtrak has a service that goes from Houston to New Orleans, I think, but it runs infrequently. And I don't think there is any way to get to Maryland. Obama, build me more trains!!

Jim

@ May 22, 2009 9:56 AM

Does Southwest fly out of Houston? That would solve your boarding woes. They have it together.

You'll still have to remove your shoes, you stinking terrorist shoe bomber you.

Sam @ May 22, 2009 10:46 AM

You can get an Amtrak train to get you to Baltimore. It might take a few days, but you can do it. Get the train to New Orleans, then from NO to Chicago, then Chicago to Baltimore/DC. Man up!

joem @ May 22, 2009 6:41 PM

"Texas doesn't believe in passenger trains" (emphasis mine)

Well, I think I've figured out your problem, Jesse. You need to "think outside the box." Or in this case, you actually need to "think inside the box[car]."

(Yaworm, I believe I lobbed this one your way. I'll be disappointed if you don't pick it up.)

yaworm @ May 22, 2009 10:09 PM

Well, the last thing i ever want to do is disappoint you, gliuolo. But i'm not at all sure how this is lobbed at me. Is it the "outside the box" thing (a reference to the sideways-ness of asian vaginas, i'd guess)? Or am i supposed to talk about the train hobo scene in my all-time favorite Pee Wee's Big Adventure (i'm the wildcard)? Or about how absurdly expensive and time-consuming it is to travel between Oakland and New York by train? Or did you want a South Park reference ("This here is a people train, you can't ride it. Cuz you're cows.")? I really have no idea what i'm supposed to say.

joem @ May 22, 2009 11:13 PM

I was just looking for some "box" jokes. But I feel like I just got so much more.

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