You may remember a few years ago, at the peak of the Iron Chef craze, there was a huge battle in New York between Bobby Flay and Iron Chef Morimoto. If you remember anything about the battle, you remember this: Bobby Flay disgraced himself and his country by STANDING ON THE CUTTING BOARD AT THE END OF THE MATCH.
Morimoto (rightly) called out Bobby Flay for this disrespectful display. Naturally, when Bobby Flay and Morimoto rematched in Kitchen Stadium, Bobby Flay did it again. Why? Because Bobby Flay is a DOUCHEBAG*.
Skip to 3:20 to see Bobby Flay disgrace himself in the New York battle, and 4:20 to watch Morimoto call him out.
1 cup palm sugar (and yes, I'm aware that is not palm sugar, but at least I didn't use any SOY SAUCE)
1 cup water
1/2 cup fish sauce
2 teaspoons salt
Huh, is there any soy sauce in that recipe, Bobby Flay? Do you see any soy sauce in thai cooking, Bobby Flay? Or do you just assume that because it is oriental, it uses soy sauce, BECAUSE THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE TO YOU?
This is going to make more sauce than you will use in a single preparation of pad thai. Instead, you will make extra, and you can refrigerate it to use for later (which is good, because it takes time to make it right).
Listen: if you can find tamarind juice, then bully for you, okay? But I couldn't find it. I could only find concentrate. To prepare a cup of tamarind juice, add water to the concentrate as indicated on the container, and then strain the pulp out. You must remove the pulp. REMOVE IT. I strained it out with a paper towel, and pretty much all of my patience.
Just so you know I'm serious. Combine all the ingredients in a pan, and simmer for about an hour. You are cooking it down until you get a syrupy mixture. NOTE: It will not actually get syrupy while it is still hot. If you have cooked it right, put it in the fridge, and when you take it out next time, it'll be properly syrupy.
That's it for now - look for part 2 tomorrow (the thrilling conclusion!)
*This article originally incorrectly
stated that the Kitchen Stadium battle happened first. The New York
battle actually occured first.
**This article also originally stated that Bobby Flay lost both
matches. That was my memory of the event, because he should have lost.
Next time I'll do more research ahead of time.
Were I a TV exec, I'd totally option your "Mike Tyson's Throwdown" idea, because I really really want to see that show. ESPECIALLY if Mike throws down with Bobby Flay.
Jim @ April 29, 2009 7:54 AM
I thought Flay won the first battle and we were all pissed about it.
I don't have to make my own Pad Thai. I have a Thai man in a hernia belt to do that for me. His name is actually Joey Thai, it doesn't get more authentic than that.
Sam Wilkinson @ April 29, 2009 10:50 AM
How could you not include this: Flay rarely beats the amateurs! In fact, he's lost almost every battle I've watched, primarily because he insists on complicating simple foods in stupid ways, while the amateurs make what they're tasked to make without attempting to prove the depth and breadth of their douchebaggery.
jesse @ April 29, 2009 11:34 AM
This article requires corrections, as I messed up a couple of things.
1. The New York battle actually happened first (I thought the Japan battle happened first, but Japan was the rematch)
2. Bobby Flay lost in New York, but won in Japan. I was, however, correct in saying that both times, Flay danced on his cutting board like an asshole - even after he'd learned that knives and cutting boards are sacred in Japan.
3. In Bobby Flay's defense, is there anything that is not sacred in Japan? Other than American pop songs, which are defiled at karaoke bars with regularity.
I haven't watched enough of Throwdown to determine an accurate won/lost record for Flay. I will confirm, however, that his attempt at Pad Thai was all kinds of ridiculous, and he was taken to the mat by a traditional recipe prepared by an expert.
kevin @ April 29, 2009 12:31 PM
I was watching this for the first time with my sister over the weekend, and my mind was boggled. I don't know that I've ever used the word 'douche' so often in quick succession.
The worst was the casserole throwdown, when he challenged two adorable ladies who make casseroles and then drive around Austin in 1950's dresses to hand deliver them. Despite theirs looking clearly superior, the judges gave the edge to the smug douchiness of Flay. As they comforted each other afterwards, you could see the battle between 'look any publicity is good publicity, we knew that going in' and utter despair in their eyes.
Why would you do this, Bobby Flay? All they want to do is wear their vintage dresses and make delicious casseroles! Why denigrate their greatest talent in the name of a quick ego boost you'll forget about in thirty minutes?
The answer, of course, is that he's a huge douche.
Fat Tony @ April 29, 2009 10:52 PM
The best Throwdown episode was the first one. He lost a doughnut contest with a guy who was nearly as much of a douche as Flay himself. The funny part was when the doughnut merchant found out Flay was there to challenge him, since it was the first, he was legitimately surprised. Rather than the recent "Oh, Bobby, we love you!" reaction, this guy was livid and nearly walked out. For a moment, I thought that my fantasy TV show was about to happen, in which Bobby Flay walks into a restaurant, and then gets shot and killed.
