I hurt my back this morning. Doing double-takes does not feel very good when your back hurts. So if the next time you see me I am in traction, blame this commercial.
Elaborate joke, right? Well, not according to this contest website. These are the first words you see: This is an actual sweepstakes.
This is an actual sweepstakes and, if you are the grand prize winner,
we will fly you and a companion to New York where you will receive a
free colonoscopy. You will also be given three nights' accommodation in
a suite at the luxurious Loews Regency Hotel, which will include the night before you are "awarded" the colonoscopy.
I am creeped out by this contest. No, this isn't a gay panic thing where I'm afraid that having anything go near your butt makes you homosexual (although PS: it totally does). No, my problem is the way they put "awarded" in quotation marks. It makes the word awarded sound like a euphemism for rape. Now you lie still and be quiet while I award you this colonoscopy, or I'll cut you. Please, CBS, no! No!!
Also on the TV tonight? Perhaps my favorite local news tease ever:
A local pastor in Fort Bend County is accused of dealing out more than the Lord's word. He's accused of dealing crack.
He could have stopped after the first sentence. "Accused of dealing more than the Lord's word" is evocative enough for the viewer to infer what he might have been dealing instead. But no. He is dealing crack. CRACK. He hit the word "crack" like Chris Brown hit Rihanna. Which is to say he hit it very hard. HARD.
