[Jesse and Jim are interrupting their conversation on the mid-season TV shows to talk about the 2009 Oscar nominations.  At the end of the conversation you will be invited to send in your Oscar picks, or you can go ahead and do it now. This is part one of... probably five. There are alot of goddamn categories.]

Best Documentary Short

The Conscience of Nhem En, The Final Inch, Smile Pinki, The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306

Jim's take

Nothing like starting out discussion with an X-Factor of a category. I really wish there was an easy way to see these before the ceremony, or after for that matter.

My pick? The Conscience of Nhem En. My reasoning? Of the four nominated films, it is the only one with its own Wikipedia page.

Jesse's take

Remember when we drove three hours to see a concert, but ended up watching the Oscar's instead? Good times.

We're going to go category by category, but I need to make a couple of overall observations that I am sure you will agree with. First: I have not seen it, but the fact that The Reader got 5 nominations, despite the fact that I have stubbornly never heard of it until today, only goes to show (yet again) that the way to Oscar's heart is through his Holocaust. Second: I heard a good joke today when somebody called these the Oscarzzzzzz. This might be the most boring Oscars since the year Crash "won". I have only seen one out of the 11 movies going for the top 4 awards (picture, director, actor, actress), the whelming Frost/Nixon. Whelming, of course, means it was not overwhelming or underwhelming. Just whelming.

I have a hard time beating your reasoning behind picking documentary short. I, however, am going with The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306, because Oscar loves movies that have long, unwieldy names. (None of these are about the Holocaust, right? If they are, I reserve the right to change my vote).

Best Documentary Feature

Nerakhoon, Encounters at the End of the World, The Garden, Man on Wire, Trouble the Water

Jim's take

This category never fails to disappoint. I'm still bitter about "Grizzly Man" getting snubbed in 2005. Now, we have the the supposed five-best documentaries of the year, and Errol Morris's "Standard Operating Procedure" is nowhere to be seen.

Had it been on the list, SOP would have been my personal choice as what should win the award. I probably would have talked myself into making it my actual pick, despite all the overwhelming evidence pointing to Man on Wire being the heavy favorite.

Standard Operating Procedure made me look at the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse in an entirely new perspective. He introduces us to those responsible for the abuses, points out the failings in the chain of command, and, most importantly, examines the staged nature of the Abu Ghraib photographs.

Morris equates the photos with staged family snapshots. The only reasons the photographed abuses are taking place is so they can be photographed. In photo after photo we see the guards alongside the prisoners: giving a thumbs up, pointing, smiling. The photographs of these atrocities turn into a kind of horrific vacation slideshow.

That said, my personal preference for the win is Werner Herzog's "Encounters at the End of the World." In the film, Werner travels to Antarctica. In his opening narration, he informs us that he is not going to photograph "fluffy penguins," but rather to see what kind of person is drawn to spend their life at the 'end of the world.'

Of course, Werner does bump into a penguin researcher. He asks him if there are gay penguins, if there are deranged penguins. There's also quite a bit of amazing underwater photography, a woman who can stuff herself into a piece of carry-on luggage, a descendent of Aztec royalty, and men who wear trash cans adorned with painted smiley faces over their heads.

My pick for Best Documentary Feature is Man on Wire. Which is a damn shame, because it's not half the film as "Encounters at the End of the World," and not one-tenth the film of the snubbed "Standard Operating Procedure."

Jesse's take

The only one of these I have seen is Man On Wire. I declared this the winner weeks ago, before the short lists even came out, and I'm certainly not backing down now. I know you are disappointed about S.O.P, but from a strictly Oscar-watching perspective (meaning who cares about the actual quality of the film), the Iraq war has been... well, let's just say its no Holocaust, if you know what I mean.

Best Art Direction

Changeling, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Dark Knight, The Duchess, Revolutionary Road

Jim's take 

This is one of those categories they always have to explain to people. I think it has to do with set design, right? Generally it goes to movies that are pretty or recreate a period. Recent winners have been Return of the King, The Aviator, Memoirs of a Geisha, Pan's Labyrinth, and Sweeney Todd.

My pick for this year: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Jesse's take

Here's the thing: TCCOBB got 13 nominations, which is a huge number, but have you found anyone that really like this movie? It certainly hasn't been lighting up the box office as of yet, so I can't imagine it pulling off an English Patient or Titanic-like sweep. Is anybody else getting a whole "Hey David Fincher, sorry about the epic, unforgivable snub we gave Zodiac last year. Are we cool now?" vibe to all the Academy love for this one?

I'm giving this one to The Dark Knight.

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams (Doubt), Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina Barcelona), Viola Davis (Doubt), Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button), Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)

Jim's take

An interesting field. I haven't yet seen Doubt, but it certainly looks like an actor's film. Cruz was pretty good in Vicky Christina, and I'm just going to assume that Taraji P. Henson played Benjamin "Backwards-Aging Forrest Gump" Button's adoptive mother in that somewhat-eponymous film.

My personal pick, and projected winner, is Marisa Tomei. Yes, she's already got a statue (an OSCAR WINNER Jerry, an Oscar winner!), but did you see The Wrestler? If the answer is no, drop what you are doing, leave work if you have to, get in your car and go see The Wrestler. Right. Now.

Ok, you're back? Good. Holy shit, right? Don't worry, expect 5000 words from me on the lack of Picture/Director nominations when the time comes. But seriously, doesn't it make you listen to 'Sweet Child of Mine' with new ears?

Tomei, quite simply, knocks her role in The Wrestler out of the park. Maybe she was destined to be a 40-something stripper at a skeezy New Jersey club in a parallel universe. I don't care, but give her another Oscar.

Jesse's take

DAMMIT. I WAS TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE THAT SEINFELD REFERENCE. Fuck you, I'm gonna make it again anyway. "An Oscar winner, Jerry, an Oscar winner!!" Tomei is the winner. Also

Best Supporting Actor

Josh Brolin (Milk), Robert Downey Jr. (Tropic Thunder), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Doubt), Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight), Michael Shannon (Revolutionary Road)

Jim's take

Poor Dead Heath Ledger. That's his name, now, you know. Sorry Philip Seymour Hoffman, but I don't have a lot of DOUBT that he'll be joining the Peter Finch "I died and all I got was this stupid Oscar" club come next month.

I feel like I can actually offer an opinion on this category. With the exception of Doubt, I've seen all of the nominated performances. Michael Shannon was pretty decent in a Sam Mendes' snoozy look at suburban malaise. (An aside, has Sam Mendes ever made a film that wasn't about some sort of malaise?)

Brolin was pretty good in Milk, but was overshadowed by a brilliant Sean Penn performance and James Franco's mustache.

Robert Downey's turn as Australian mega-actor Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder was nothing short of amazing. He manages to poke fun at Russell Crowe, make black face funny (again), and defend the honor of Paul Hogan. Here's hoping that they show the "Don't go full retard" clip during the ceremony. (Sean Penn, he went full retard once.)

Is it a cop-out to say that I'm pulling for a tie between Ledger and Downey Jr. in this category? Seriously, it's happened before -- Barbara Streisand and Katherine Hepburn tied for Best Actress of 1968... 40 years later, we could have a repeat. How awesome would that be? Heath's family gets all weepy and happy, and Downey gets an Oscar for a blackface performance where he opines on the Academy's penchant for rewarding folks who play retards -- just not FULL retards.

In reality though, Ledger runs away with this category. Not even close.

Jesse's take

The "dead guy wins the Oscar" rule extends beyond the acting ranks. Back in 2003, I had The Two Towers winning for Best Cinematography. Then, as they were announcing the category, they mentioned that Conrad Hall, the cinematographer on Road to Perdition, had recently died. FUCK. I knew right then I had picked wrong.

Poor Dead Heath Ledger is the winner, followed by lots of self-congratulatory applause.