I've been with the Wii Fit for a little over a week now, and I realize now that we have an unhealthy relationship.

That became clear today when a co-worker brought in a bag of Candy Cane Creme Oreos, aka The Oreos That Taste Exactly Like Girl Scout Thin Mints.  I went into the kitchen, saw the bag, and went to grab some.  But then: I was frozen in my tracks by the echo of a little electronic voice in my head...

THAT'S OVERWEIGHT.

The Wii makes me take a body test every day.  I don't want to do it everyday. It seems unhealthy.  But it yells at me when I don't, and I just want to make the Wii happy.  So I take a body test, everyday.  And everyday, the body test ends with the same result:

THAT'S OVERWEIGHT.

Of course you think I'm overweight, Wii! You were calibrated to weigh tiny little Asian women with their tiny purses and tiny dogs and tiny tiny cell phones.  How am I supposed to live up to the impossible standard they have set for me?

But you don't care.  You just call me fat, and make a pained little noise ("ooh!") everytime I step on your little balance board. 

Well guess what, Wii. I just ate 9 Oreos.  YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME.