[This essay is by Jessica, Kevin's 13-year-old sister.  She agreed to write this in exchange for borrowing my Buffy DVDs.  It was written after she finished season 1 and 2, but before watching season 3.  She did a great job, and any problems with the essay should be attributed to the editor.  I am the editor.]

I believe it is safe to assume that we all know the well-loved story of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Rather than summarizing the show, I elect to use the next two pages to voice my take on one particular subject: Cordelia Chase.

Cordelia is possibly the most annoying character in the history of television. Although she is pretty, that is about all that can be positively said in regards to her. She is among the first to learn of Buffy's identity as the Slayer, but unlike the others, she does not immediately agree to help. Rather, she spends most of Season 1 insulting various friends of Buffy, and often Buffy herself.

Her acts of sheer stupidity, generally resulting from poor judgment and lack of organization of her priorities, irritate those around her and occasionally threaten the lives of herself and others. For example, when an invisible girl runs around maiming Cordelia's friends, Cordelia refuses protection for her own life, insisting that she must be crowned May Queen. Later, she and Buffy nearly die when captured by the invisible girl, because of Cordelia.

Despite the frequent rescues of both herself and the world by Buffy and her friends, Cordelia continues to view them all as outcasts, though it is obvious that she has a crush on Angel, who has no interest in her (except for, possibly, eating her, when he loses his soul in Season 2).

All of this changes, of course, when Cordelia and Xander unexpectedly fall in love while hiding in a closet from a demon comprised entirely of worms. Cordelia and Xander, equally embarrassed by each other, attempt to hide their love until they are caught making out behind a row of bookshelves by Willow, who is, understandably, angry and jealous. Still, even as a member of Buffy's gang, Cordelia continues to rival Buffy for sassiest character ever, as well as being downright rude. Easily the least useful and most difficult to be around, Cordelia should have been shunned by all from the beginning.

However, it is impossible to accurately describe Cordelia's role without mentioning her one use. Cordelia is used most often to be the finder of dead and near-dead bodies. Examples include the headless science teacher; her boyfriend before Xander, Mitch, who was nearly whacked to death by invisible girl with a baseball bat; the history teacher who was almost suffocated with plastic wrap; and a fish person (watch the episode, it's far to long a story to explain here).

Besides occasionally running into other characters (like the time she shows up in the school parking lot while demons close in on Ms. Calender and Willow and drives them into the library while Buffy is dead and Xander and Angel are busy looking for her) Cordelia doesn't really do much except annoy everyone. A plot device gone crazy, I would expect that most would hope for Cordelia's death next Season, or perhaps, at least, a breakup with Xander. Hopefully, it would go better than the first time she tried to break up with him, that having caused one of the biggest disasters not involving crazed vampires attempting to take over or end the world.

As you can easily see, Cordelia is the worst possible character who should be quickly eliminated. She does not help with the plot, she bothers everyone, and she is utterly useless in any matter of importance.

Author's note: Please send Season 3 ASAP. I really want to know what happens to Buffy.
Another Author's note: I hope this is good enough. I spent forever writing this.