["Dear Prudence" is published every Thursday on Slate.com. For the original column, click here.]Dear Prudence OC:
I work in a small company of about 30 employees. My co-workers and I don't know what to do about our boss. Our company is in serious financial trouble. I make up the entire accounts payable/receivable department, and if it hadn't been for a big check we received from a company that owed us, we wouldn't have been able to send out our last payroll checks. I'm really worried about our boss' suicide "jokes." She frequently will jokingly ask me or another of my co-workers for a gun or a knife. She even crawled onto the windowsill in my office and had her bottom half hanging out until I grabbed her and pulled her back in. I told her recently that I was not going to take these questions as jokes anymore and that the next time she mentioned a gun or knife, I was going to call the suicide hot line. Her response was to walk over to my phone and say sarcastically, "Sure, let's do it now! I'll dial, you talk." She later came back and said, "I hope you know I'm never serious about that." One co-worker suggested we try to convince her brother to admit her to a psychiatric ward. But unfortunately she is the sole decision-maker regarding practically everything we do, so without her, I don't even know how we'd be able to run on a day-to-day basis. What should I do?
It's great to know you have your boss' best interests at heart. "Well, sure, she is holding a loaded gun to her head, but she said she's kidding, and if she was admitted to a psychiatric ward then she wouldn't be able to make her 2 pm client meeting..."
Well, you have two options. One is to take the HILARIOUS
suicide jokes your boss is making as the serious cries for help that
they are, and act accordingly: call a suicide prevention hotline or a
therapist. And for God's take, the next time somebody does a hilarious
comedy bit where they actually CLIMB OUT OF THE WINDOW AND HANG THERE
CALL 911 YOU STUPID TWIT DON'T DRAG YOUR BOSS INSIDE THE WINDOW AND
THEN WRITE A THOUGHTFUL LETTER TO AN ADVICE COLUMNIST, CALL
9-1-MOTHERFUCKING-1.
If I ever own a company this is going to
be one of the questions at the interview: if the company is ever going
in the shitter and I make hilarious jokes about killing myself and
climb out on the windowsill, which of these actions will you take after
dragging me back inside? A) Call 911. B) Call one of your family members and ask for their help. C) Ask the internet for advice. Anyone answering C) will be...
well, it would actually be you, wouldn't it? BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK ELSE
WOULD DO THAT YOU STUPID TWIT.
Oh, yeah, and your
other option is to work on your resume. Because it sounds like you are
going to need a new job pretty soon. Just make sure it isn't at a
suicide prevention hotline.
-----
Dear Prudence OC,
Earlier
this year, a person in my husband's family stole money from me. It
wasn't a large amount of money, but I still felt rather violated, and
so did my husband. I have a hunch about who did it, although all of the
family members present at the time, of course, said they did not do it.
After it happened, I approached the entire family and told them how
hurt I was and how I could no longer trust any of them. Well, the
holidays are approaching, and that means spending time with both of our
families again. My husband is telling me to just get over this and stop
holding a grudge, but I'm still very hurt. I do love his family, but
how can I put something as big as this aside and put on a happy face
when I just don't feel it in my heart?Ooh, you think you
know who did it, do you, Miss Marple? Congratulations! You've solved
the heist of the century! You are right, of course: there is no way to
put a happy face on it. You are never getting that $40 back. And you
had such big plans for it, too. And now that night out at Olive Garden
is up in smoke, just like every other dream you've had.
So
tell me, which is the lie: that you love his family, or that you know
who did it? Because if you knew who did it, then you wouldn't have to hold a
grudge against everyone. And if you actually loved his family, then it
wouldn't matter who did it, you would let it go. Figure that out and
then get back to me.
-----
Dear Prudie OC,
I'm
28 and childless, as are my closest friends. The only one in our small
group to have a child so far is my older sister. We all love my niece
dearly and think of her as our baby. The problem is, my sister expects
us to be there for everything involving her child. She hasn't made an
effort to befriend other mothers; she just expects us to join her for
whatever they do. While I love them both, I have no desire to watch Big
Bird sing and dance onstage. (Yes, she actually requested my presence
at a live production of Sesame Street.) My niece is 4, and so far all
of her birthday parties have consisted of about 15 adults and no other
children. Last year I pointed out how odd this seemed, and my sister
said she just didn't have room for a bunch of kids at her house. I told
her maybe there would be more room if all of her friends weren't there
instead. She blew me off. So my question is, am I off base in thinking
this is not normal? Am I a horrible auntie if I stop participating in
these things? She's told me it's my obligation to go to my niece's
birthday parties, and one is coming up next month. Is this true? At
what point does this change?It will change when your niece
meets other little girls and makes friends. She'll be starting
preschool soon. Just hang in there. Or you could open your mouth and
tell your sister that you were busy the day of big bird, but I guess if
people had the ability to do that then all these advice columnists
would be out of a job.
And PS: Your "small" group of friends packs 15 strong into a 4-year-old's birthday party? I don't even know 15 people right I could get to come to my birthday party. Are you all a bunch of pushovers or what? Or are your get-togethers all so lame that a 4-year-old's party might be the social event of the season? Next year you should ask the little girl to hand out some backbones in the party bags.
