@ December 29, 2008

What's better than getting together with your Jewish mother for Christmas? Serving pork chops! The ban on pork is the most ridiculous part of Judaism (and remember, Judaism includes a ritual where the entire family gets together to watch a baby boy's penis mutilated. Hungry yet?) It's like having a ban on candy, or fun, or love. Pork is the most versatile of all meats. So pigs are a little dirty. That is why Moses invented soap. Wash it and eat it! Daytrader makes the best pork chops. After feasting on government pork during a busy day on the trading floor, nothing is better than coming home to a big plate of delicious battered actual pork. Here is his recipe for Trading Floor Pork Chops.

porkchops-1, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Ingredients for the pork chops:

  • 6 pork chops
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1 tsp seasoned salt
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 1/4 all-purpose flour
  • 2 cups Italian-style seasoned breadcrumbs
  • 4 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 can (10.75 oz) condensed cream of mushroom soup
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1/3 white wine
Ingredients for the apple sauce:

  • 4 apples, peeled, cored, and shredded
  • 2 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 6 tbsp brown sugar
Yes, we are making apple sauce and pork chops.  Well, we are also making biscuits and mashed potatoes, but you can figure that out on your own. Okay, here is a hint: biscuits come in a can, and potatoes are those brown things.  Mash them.

Daytrader says you should preheat you oven to 350 degrees, but I do not concur: preheating is an antiquated notion from days when ovens were less efficient and well insulated.  They heat up quickly.  Just set it to 350 when you are ready to cook.  It saves energy. Energy you need for pork chops!

Rinse the chops, pat them dry, and season them with the garlic powder and salt.  Then dredge the pork chops in the flour, dip them into the egg, and coat them with breadcrumbs.

porkchops-2, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Heat the oil in a skillet and fry the chops over medium-high heat.  Cook until the breading is browned, about five minutes a side.  It will look delicious at this stage, but do not eat it! The chop is still not cooked.  We have only just begun.

porkchops-5, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Put the browned chops in a baking dish, cover them with foil, and put them in the oven for about an hour.  While they cook, start the apple sauce.

Peel and core the apples.  Then shred them.  Like so:

porkchops-7, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Once the apples are shredded, put them in a saucepan over medium-low heat.  Sprinkle in the cinnamon, then add the water and cook until the apple bits are all soft and mushy.  When the cooking is done, stir in the brown sugar.  Congratulations! You just made apple sauce! Reward yourself with tequila.

porkchops-9, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Back to the pork chops.  Combine the mushroom soup, white wine, and milk in a bowl.  Stir it all up.   Once the chops have cooked for an hour, take them out of the oven, and cover them with the soup mixture.  Remember to remove the foil first.

porkchops-10, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Cover the chops back up and put them back in the oven.  Should be another 30 minutes, although you should make sure they are not tough.  If they are tough, cook them longer.  Nobody likes a tough chop.  While they are cooking, you can prepare your other side dishes. You know what goes good with pork chops? Biscuits.

porkchops-11, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Once the chops are done, remove them from the oven.  Congratulations! You just made your Jewish ancestors roll over in their graves. 

porkchops-12, originally uploaded by craftj2.

Whatever.  If they don't serve pork chops in heaven, then what, exactly, is the point?

porkchops-14, originally uploaded by craftj2.


They were even better when they were reheated the 2nd time. By the way, the ban on pork is not the most ridiculous part of Judaism. There are lots more ridiculous things. Don't ask what, the list is way too long.

FYI Jesse...if your pork chop comes out of the oven tough then they are already ruined. Re-inserting them into the oven will only worsen the problem. Just douse them in delicious applesauce and heart-attack mushroom soup-wine-milk sauce.

When we reheated the pork chops on day two and gave them more time in the oven, they got less tough, not more tough. Maybe its a power curve, with toughness increasing on either side and a trough of delicious tenderness in the center? Maybe I'll make a graph.

Sukkos is a lot more ridiculous than the ban on pork.

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