What's better than getting together with your Jewish mother for Christmas? Serving pork chops!
The ban on pork is the most ridiculous part of Judaism (and remember, Judaism includes a ritual where the entire family gets together to watch a baby boy's penis mutilated. Hungry yet?) It's like having a ban on candy, or fun, or love. Pork is the most versatile of all meats. So pigs are a little dirty. That is why Moses invented soap. Wash it and eat it!
Daytrader makes the best pork chops. After feasting on government pork during a busy day on the trading floor, nothing is better than coming home to a big plate of delicious battered actual pork. Here is his recipe for Trading Floor Pork Chops.
Ingredients for the pork chops:
- 6 pork chops
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- 1 tsp seasoned salt
- 2 eggs, beaten
- 1/4 all-purpose flour
- 2 cups Italian-style seasoned breadcrumbs
- 4 tbsp olive oil
- 1 can (10.75 oz) condensed cream of mushroom soup
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1/3 white wine
Ingredients for the apple sauce:
- 4 apples, peeled, cored, and shredded
- 2 tsp ground cinnamon
- 1/2 cup water
- 6 tbsp brown sugar
we are making apple sauce and pork chops. Well, we are also making
biscuits and mashed potatoes, but you can figure that out on your own.
Okay, here is a hint: biscuits come in a can, and potatoes are those
brown things. Mash them.
Daytrader says you should preheat you
oven to 350 degrees, but I do not concur: preheating is an antiquated
notion from days when ovens were less efficient and well insulated.
They heat up quickly. Just set it to 350 when you are ready to cook.
It saves energy. Energy you need for pork chops!
chops, pat them dry, and season them with the garlic powder and salt.
Then dredge the pork chops in the flour, dip them into the egg, and
coat them with breadcrumbs.
Heat the oil in a skillet and fry the chops over medium-high heat.
Cook until the breading is browned, about five minutes a side. It will
look delicious at this stage, but do not eat it! The chop is still not
cooked. We have only just begun.
Put the browned chops in a baking dish, cover them with foil, and
put them in the oven for about an hour. While they cook, start the
Peel and core the apples. Then shred them. Like so:
Once the apples are shredded, put them in a saucepan over
medium-low heat. Sprinkle in the cinnamon, then add the water and cook
until the apple bits are all soft and mushy. When the cooking is done,
stir in the brown sugar. Congratulations! You just made apple sauce!
Reward yourself with tequila.
Back to the pork chops. Combine the mushroom soup, white wine, and
milk in a bowl. Stir it all up. Once the chops have cooked for an
hour, take them out of the oven, and cover them with the soup mixture.
Remember to remove the foil first.
Cover the chops back up and put them back in the oven. Should be
another 30 minutes, although you should make sure they are not tough.
If they are tough, cook them longer. Nobody likes a tough chop. While
they are cooking, you can prepare your other side dishes. You know what
goes good with pork chops? Biscuits.
porkchops-11, originally uploaded by craftj2.
Once the chops are done, remove them from the oven. Congratulations!
You just made your Jewish ancestors roll over in their graves.
porkchops-12, originally uploaded by craftj2.
Whatever. If they don't serve pork chops in heaven, then what, exactly, is the point?