You know what really grinds my gears? Pretty much everything about the game of football. Jesse has been making me watch alot of football lately, and I have to say... this game is pretty goddamn irritating. And no. It's not because I'm a girl. It's because
there are just some things are fucking stupid about the sport of football.
instance, somebody tell the quarterback that his job is not to get the football
and then stand there before getting tackled. His job is to throw the
football! Throw! The! Fucking! Football! Throw it! I even get mad when the
quarterback I'm supposed to be rooting against does this. I guess my
anger at somebody paid millions of dollars failing to do his job right exceeds
my caring over who wins some stupid games.
Speaking of not caring: I don't care who is "In The Hunt" for a playoff spot.
This is a stupid phrase. Nobody is hunting anything. Is
phrase even grammatically correct? Do you go "In The Hunt" for deer? No, you go
fucking hunting. And when you catch it, you kill it and eat it. And I
doubt the Dolphins or Cowboys are turning to cannibalism any time soon
(however, this method would ensure a spot in the playoffs).
But that phrase isn't even half as dumb as "Control Your Own Destiny."
Are they "In The Hunt" for a playoff spot, or are they questing for a
magical spear that can be used to destroy mankind? Stop trying to make your
sport sound like a fantasy novel read by pimply teenage boys or a made-for-TNT
And guess what: when I go into a business meeting with a client, I don't stand
up and introduce myself as "Suzi, graphic designer, Rensselaer Polytechnic
Institute." You know why? Because nobody cares what college I went to. (Well,
that and everyone would think I went to a 2-year tech college after earning my
GED.) But if I was a football player, apparently everybody has to know what
college I went to, because it is somehow relevant to what is happening on the
field. Hey, football player who introduced himself as attending the "U
Already Know" yesterday: no, I don't already know. And I don't care.
And finally--quarterbacks who can't be bothered to look up at the fucking play
clock before getting a delay of game penalty... What is your fucking deal? Or
perhaps you just need a refresher on simple math. That's just a penalty
that no one should get unless they want to get flogged in the middle of the
And don't even get me started on the name... Might as well call it soccer. The only time the foot is involved is when they fuck up, and they have to kick the ball to the other team. Hey, fuckupball. Now there is a name that makes sense.