The Suze asks: Hey, my kolaches just came out of the microwave, but one is hot while the other one is cold.  What gives?

What gives is that The Kolache Factory doesn't have a rotating platter in their microwave ovens.  Microwave ovens, as you might have guessed, heat food by emitting microwave radiation into the cooking chamber.  Microwave radiation is defined as that portion of the electromagnetic spectrum with wavelengths from a millimeter to a meter in length.  This places it, in terms of wavelength, in between infrared and radio waves.

Science!

Follow closely, as this shit is about to go science on you: the manner by which energy is absorbed from the microwave radiation into your food is called dialectric heating.  Water is a dipole molecule.  That means it has a positive charge at one end, and a negative charge at the other end, like the magnet on the right.  When the microwave radiation passes through the water, the water molecule rotates like a magnet trying to align itself along the direction of the radiation.  Because the microwave is pulsating, the direction of the alignment changes, causing the water molecule to rotate.  This rotation generates heat, cooking your food.

Kolaches!

Okay, so now we know how the microwave is working: but why did it only cook one kolache and not the other?  Because the microwave energy is not distributed evenly throughout.  Here comes the science again: microwaves are like waves in the ocean, with a crest (the top part of the wave) and a trough (the bottom).  When microwaves cross each other, it creates interference.  The interference can be destructive (when a crest meets a trough) or constructive (when two crests or troughs meet).  Where it is destructive, there is less energy.  Where it is constructive, there is more energy.  This destructive and constructive interference within the microwave chamber creates, for lack of a better term, "hot spots".

That is why most microwaves these days have rotating trays.  As the tray rotates, different parts of the food move through the hot spots, allowing the food to heat more uniformly.  But at The Kolache Factory, their microwave had no rotating tray. So one kolache, sitting in a hot spot, was nice and warm.  The other, which was not in a hot spot, remained cold. And you, the Suze, were left with one cold, cold kolache.