October 2008 Archives

If the Golden Girls had a blog, it would suck compared to what these two gals are up to.

[Disclaimer: While it is entirely possible that Margaret, Helen, Margaret's husband Harold, and Helens' three dogs are entirely the fiction of someone's imagination, I am okay with that.  Because if it is true, then that person is still a genius.]

Helen Philpot and Margaret Schmechtman have been friends since they met in college, 60 years ago.  Helen's grandson set up the blog for them, and they have been churning out their unique take on world events ever since.  And I cannot get enough.

Why do I doubt they are real? Because of lines like this:

"Well, I thought it was a good debate.  My hats off to Bob Shieffer... and my blouse too if he plays his cards right.  (Just don't tell my husband.)"

It seems like the author broke character for the sake of the joke.  And, sure, it is a fabulous joke, but can anybody's grandmother be that awesome? 

But the "ladies" really won me over with this post on, yes them again, undecided voters:

"Oh Cecilia, bless your heart.  We have only been at this for two years, sweetheart.  There were over 40 debates during the primaries and most recently we have had three Presidential debates and one Vice Presidential debate.  Honey, I trust you can read."

As much as I enjoyed that, I enjoyed 10 times as much.

"But onto another undecided out there.   So I love my Whoopi Goldberg.   And that Joy Behar makes me laugh.  Barbara Walters has lost some of her edge, but she will always have my respect for her accomplishments.  And then there is Moron Hasselbeck.  Enough said.  But, now there is that other one. Cherry?  Cheryl?  Philmore?  I don't remember her name.  She's pretty forgettable.  Yesterday she announced that she was still undecided.  OK. That's it.  She's a jackass.   I mean this woman is on a show called The View.  What exactly is it that she can't see? She has met, in person, all the big players in this little card game.  Talk about being spoon fed.  And as a fellow plus-size gal I know that she has had more than her share from that spoon.  I am sure qood people like Cecilia wouldn't squander such an opportunity.  It's five days away.  I've got no more patience.  What's her name has to go."

God, I hope these ladies are real: it gives me hope that I, too, can look forward to sunset years filled with biting, sarcastic, and hilarious blogging.

Watch it until the end (which you should anyway, because it is amazing) and tell me if you get the same perspective shock that I got.

(Via.)

The robot's name is Hexapodmeisterschaft.  My German is a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure that translates into "Jesus fucking Christ this robot will kill us all."

Five years ago, Tom DeLay redistricted Texas to maximize Republican House seats.  The idea was simple: if you had 10 seats, and the overall split was 60/40, then normally the party would expect to get 6 seats.  But if you gerrymandered every district so that each one had a 60/40 split, you'd get all of them!  DeLay wasn't quite that successful (his unprecedented mid-decade redistricting changed the split from 17 Democrats, 15 Republicans, to 21 Republicans, 11 Democrats), but one of the districts he took was the 10th Congressional.  With his handpicked successor, Michael McCaul taking the reins, he was to have the seat for his entire life.  Until Texas Democratic Party Boyd Richie had an idea...

 

That's right, get a man who plays a judge on television to run.  There are so many things I love about this image that I can't list them all here, but for one just notice in the bottom right how he carefully displays the cowboy boots under his robe.  In case you didn't think the show was Texan enough otherwise.  Keep in mind Larry Joe is not an actual judge, although he is a successful lawyer.  Now the 10th stretches from northeast Houston all the way to Austin.  Yes, that's over 200 miles.  The idea was to siphon some of the cities off and dilute them in the huge red waste that is the area between the two. 

Larry Joe is thus the perfect candidate to run as a Democrat.  Hipsters in Austin (everyone who lives in Austin) will vote for him ironically, rural TV fans will vote for him sincerely, and minorities in Houston will vote straight ticket anyway because the state Republican party is hella racist.  Seriously, check the Texan platform, it's way crazier than the national platform.  He's also rich from his TV show, so has dumped his own money into the race!

As a 501(c) nonprofit*, ObscureCraft does not actually endorse candidates.  But we do endorse watching daytime court TV, so you do the math.

 

*not actually a  501(c) nonprofit

When you are a kid, Halloween is all about the candy.  But adults know better.  Halloween is a chance to let out the inner freak, or inner slut, or inner asshole.  When I bother to get dressed up for the occasion, I always go for the third option.  Or at least I thought I did.  It turns out all I've really been showing is my inner giant wuss.

See, a few years ago, when I was still in graduate school, I had this "crazy" idea: I'd get three friends, and we'd go to a Halloween party dressed as 9/11.  Two guys would be the towers, one would be the pentagon, and one would be the grassy Pennsylvania field.  It's the kind of joke that is all the rage now, but back in 2004 it was still a little soon.

(Knock knock?) (Who's there?) (9/11.) (9/11 who?) (You said you'd never forget!!)

I got bored with how the site looked, which will happen from time to time.  Please pardon my dust while I play with the site.  Or don't pardon it, whatever.  Like I care what you think, internet.

Internet, I'm just kidding.  You know I can't stay mad at you.  I actually want to know what you think - tell me in the comments.  Please?

Today's entry in the Obamaganda contest comes with two surprises:

1) I never actually specified that the entries had to be pro-Obama, and even more shocking:
2) There are Republicans who read my blog!

This anti-Obama AND Halloween-themed entry, from OC reader Colin, is behind the jump.  Despite what the right-wing talk-shows may say, I'm not hiding this entry because of my pro-Obama media bias.  I'm hiding it because I'm tired of looking at fat man buttcheeks.

With Game 5 of the World Series mere hours away, I have good news for Jim, our resident Philadelphia sports fan: I'm rooting for the Tampa Bay Rays.  The reason for this good news is a story Jim knows only too well: in the 8th inning of Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, my hubris invoked the wrath of the sports gods.  The teams that I root for have been paying the price ever since. 

Everyone knows that gambling makes sports more exciting. While a true fan can always appreciate the skill of the athletes involved, adding a few dollars to the mix can add a degree of personal investment that otherwise only comes with years of devoted following.  But where a wager can make the most boring athletic matchup exciting, experienced gamblers also know the opposite is true: when your team is involved, you are already emotionally invested.  Don't add gambling to the mix.  Never, ever gamble when your team is involved.

People have a habit of sending me emails. I get a lot of them, but occasionally I'll get one that is clearly intended for someone else.

McCain has set up a Joe the Plumber-inspired sign generator on his website, where you can put your own name and occupation in and get a sign made custom just for you.

Well, you could do that. Or, you could look at it as a chance for mischief.

If both of them could dance this like this, maybe I really would be undecided.

Via.

Thanks to our first non-me entrant in the Obamaganda Challenge and friend of the site, Greg:

CROWN POINT, Ind. (AP) -- "A judge weighing whether to close down early voting sites in Lake County's Democratic strongholds questioned local officials about the absentee voting process during visits to the disputed sites.

Lake County Superior Court Judge Diane Kavadias-Schneider toured the Gary, Hammond and East Chicago satellite voting sites Monday and heard hours of testimony and arguments on whether they are legal and fair.

Republicans want to shut down the centers in the largely Democratic county on the grounds that they will increase the likelihood of vote fraud in the Nov. 4 election.

Kavadias-Schneider, who was appointed a special judge in the case by the Indiana Supreme Court, questioned county elections board director Sally LaSota on Monday about the process of early voting and safeguards against vote fraud.

LaSota assured the judge that the elections board staff ensures voters are registered and don't vote more than once.
When Kavadias-Schneider asked, "What of those who have already voted?" R. Lawrence Steele, a GOP lawyer, replied, "Maybe those votes should be discarded."

. . . .

Kavadias-Schneider asked LaSota on Monday about possibly opening even more early in-person voting centers in suburban communities in response to Republican complaints that Democrats have opened voting in the county's three largest Democratic strongholds.

But Steele told the judge that Republicans don't want more early voting centers open -- they want the Gary, Hammond and East Chicago's centers closed.

Ned the Pie Maker has a unique ability: he can bring dead things back to life.  Touch a dead thing once, and it is alive.  Touch it again, and it is dead again, permanently.  If he brings a dead thing back for more than a minute, something else dies permanently in its place.  Got it? Good.


Pushing Daisies is built around a high-concept plot device with a visual style to match.  The first thing you notice when you turn on the show is how it looks.  Yes, obviously: but I mean you really NOTICE it.  It screams at you with saturated colors, stylization, ridiculous sets and costumes that know how to treat a woman's shape.  (For those wondering, the way to treat a woman's shape is to show as much of the breast as possible.)

From week to week, the show is set up as a murder-mystery.  In addition to making pies, Ned has hooked up with a private investigator named Emerson Cod (as played by the fantastic Chi McBride).  Emerson uses Ned's ability to solve cases by talking directly to the victims of murders.    

Everything about this show just... works.  The narration by Jim Dale.  The engaging lead performance by Lee Pace.  The musical numbers.  Oh, the musical numbers.  Consider the following scene from last season: Olive Snook (yes, all the characters have names like this) is the waitress at the Pie Hole, and is also in love with Ned the Pie Maker.

I should be flogged and beaten for failing to make the most obvious point regarding the appearance of undecidedman08 in the comments section.  In his New Yorker piece, Sedaris makes this observation:

Then you'll see this man or woman-- someone, I always think, who looks very happy to be on TV. "Well, Charlie," they say, "I've gone back and forth on the issues and whatnot, but I just can't seem to make up my mind!" Some insist that there's very little difference between candidate A and candidate B. Others claim that they're with A on defense and health care but are leaning toward B when it comes to the economy.

I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

And here we have Undecided Man, promoting his website, shouting to the world: "Look at me! I'm undecided! I have a blog about it!"  Being undecided cannot be, in and of itself, a decision. UMs real motivations behind remaining undecided have nothing to do with the election at hand; indecision is the destination rather than a stop along the journey, which, in my mind, short-circuits any defense against not having made up ones mind at this point in the election. 

To use Sedaris' food analogy, its like covering your eyes and screaming "LA LA LA LA" while the waiter tries to tell you about the specials, asking him to come back later, and saying to the man next to you, "I can't decide, everything sounded so good!"

In the comments of my "Obamaganda!" entry, Undecided Man writes:

While I'm a big fan of David Sedaris, he (like most voters whose voting pattern was pre-determined years or decades before the current candidates were nominated) confuses thinking about the important issue of who to vote for (which many undecideds are doing) with not thinking about it (which, by definition, most decideds have stopped doing). My reply to Mr. Sedaris can be found at http://www.undecidedman.com under "Naivete".

Okay, I'll bite.

To start, Sedaris is making less a point about being undecided in general than he is making a (highly partisan) point about being undecided in THIS particular election: in his (and my) view, the choice is either chicken, or a shit sandwich with bits of glass in it.  Sure, maybe chicken isn't your thing, you prefer steak, or you are a vegetarian... but you aren't actually going to eat the shit sandwich, are you?

And okay, Undecided Man, you don't agree. John McCain isn't actually a shit sandwich, and Sarah Palin isn't actually little bits of glass that have been embedded in the shit sandwich.   But the election is in... (does some quick math) ...13 days. Less than two weeks.  In fact, you can vote right now in many places - I plan on casting my vote this Saturday at one of the early polling places here in Houston.  If not decided now, then when?  What exactly are you waiting for? What bit of information do you feel is lacking to make the decision?

You talk about your "decision to be undecided" as thinking about the issue.   But being a decided voter at this point in the election cycle does not necessarily mean that you are choosing to vote based on a decision that was made "months or years" ago either.  

John McCain has been the Republican nominee since February 5th, after he won the Super Tuesday primaries.  Barack Obama has been the Democratic nominee the end of the primary calendar on June 3rd. 

Going back even further, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for president on May 2nd, 2007.  John McCain announced even earlier than that - March 1st, 2007.  For all intents and purposes, these men have been campaigning for over 18 months.  You need another 13 days? Really?

And we have our first entry in the ObscureCraft.net Obamaganda contest! This entry is inspired by David Sedaris' essay in the New Yorker on undecided voters.  Thanks to Jesse who sent in this entry. Oh, wait, that's me. Thanks, me!

So a while back Jesse got the idea for the Movie Night Project, which as I understand it was basically arguing that just because you're in the mood for something lighter than say, Terence Malick's "The New World" doesn't mean you have to settle for crap.  He issued these guidelines for qualifying:

- Under 105 minutes long
- A "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes
- Domestic gross of under $50 million

Also no major awards.  As it turns out, that's a pretty tough task, but after having it percolate through my mind for however many months it's been since the one and only recommendation, I came up with one.

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, the 2005 black comedy starring two (at the time) washed up actors: Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr.  It got a criminally small release ($4.5 million gross), but was extremely well reviewed (83% on Rotten Tomatoes).  It's also hilarious.

Downey plays a small-time crook who, in the midst of robbing a toy store on Christmas Eve, ducks into a basement to avoid the police.  The basement happens to be currently running a casting call for an actor to play a small-time crook.  Soon enough, he's whisked away to LA, and is quickly foisted off on a real PI, 'Gay Perry' (Kilmer) to give him 'experience'.  Shenanigans ensue as they wind up in the midst of their own personal noir.

Why is it perfect for Movie Night?  It's a movie just about anyone can enjoy.  It doesn't require the viewer to know anything about noir to enjoy (unlike say, 'Brick'), and while it's immensely clever and creative, there's a fair dose of lowest common denominator humor as well.  Also, Robert Downey Jr. is now a selling point, freshly off several hilarious roles in big movies. 

On a different note, I'm actually interested in seeing "The New World", but there are now three seperate cuts of it.  Anyone have opinions on which one I should check out?

I decided that I needed to start buying lefty propoganda stickers for my electric bike, in case I didn't look like enough of a whack-job already on the way to work. (PS: I hope to have some pictures of me on this thing soon).  I did a quick internet search for "Obama stickers" and one of the first images to come up was this:

Over a month later, the devastating effects of Hurricane Ike continue to linger.

The Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now has been getting a lot of bad press lately, with even Republican presidential candidate John McCain going so far as to say during a debate that that the group might be responsible for "one of the greatest frauds of voter history in this country, maybe destroying the fabric of democracy in this country."

The accusations are grave: ACORN is supposedly responsible for turning in a huge number of false voter registration forms, even registering 'Mickey Mouse' in Florida.

 

Yes, PB&J is delicious, but my motives are environmental.

Global warming and carbon emissions are sexy these days.  Global warming wins Oscars and Nobel peace prizes.  Melting ice caps leave us with fewer adorable polar bears.  And, yes, there is the outside chance of cold chasing down the halls of the New York Public Library before Dennis Quaid can rescue us.

But here's the thing: global warming is not the problem, it is a symptom.  The fundamental problem is a lack of sustainability.  Any activity that relies on fossil fuels is inherently unsustainable, because you cannot infinitely use a finite resource.  Put another way: there's only so much stuff, and once you use all the stuff, there ain't no more. So you gotta find a way to not use it in the first place.

Transportation gets much of the global warming press.  Every news story about global warming has the stock footage of a traffic jam as seen through the hot, wavy air coming off the pavement.  There's something about the price of gas moving up and down that seems to drive people insane.  But in reality, transportation is only a part of the picture when it comes to a sustainable world. 

People use energy the same as cars do.  And just like cars, if the fuel that we use comes from an unsustainable source, then eventually we will be unable to find the fuel to keep us going.  Which, finally, brings us back to the peanut butter and jelly.

Flipping through the Houston Press, Houston's alterna-weekly newspaper, Suzi came upon a 2-page spread with advertisements looking for participants in medical research studies.  Let's help her pick one to participate in.

-----

DO YOU USE COCAINE?

The study: The University of Texas - Houston, Mental Sciences Institute is looking for cocaine users to participate in a study on memory, mood, and attention.

Requirements: Cocaine habit

Cons: Cocaine habit

Pros: Compensation is available, which would offset costs of cocaine habit

Conclusion: Eh, maybe if she already had a cocaine habit, but does not seem worth it to start one from scratch.
-----

COUPLES LOOKING FOR A BIRTH CONTROL METHOD WITHOUT HORMONES?

The study: Advances in Health is conducting a research study on an investigational latex-free diaphragm and contraceptive gel.

Cons: Uh, what if you are in the control group?

Pros: Uh... seriously is there a control group?

Conclusion: So if the study is a failure everyone ends up with kids? At least Suzi could quit her cocaine habit.

-----

AT LAST, YOU CAN TAKE ACTION IN HIV-ASSOCIATED DIARRHEA

The study: Holy shit, HIV gives you diarrhea too? HIV is now officially the worst thing ever.

Cons: Suzi would need to contract HIV and then start pooping alot.

Pros: The ad features a picture of an HIV-positive man kicking a roll of toilet paper.  Also, it appears that they used the Star Trek font for their ad.  I really need a scanner.

Conclusion: The cocaine thing is looking better and better!

-----

NEEDLE-LESS VACCINE RESEARCH

The study: Accelovance is seeking volunteers 18-49 to participate in a pandemic flu vaccine nasal powder research study.

Cons: Um...

Pros: Damn, $825 bucks! And when the bird flu hits, I'll be vaccinated! And I hate needles! Forget Suzi, sign me up!  Plus, it sounds like we could go straight from this to the cocaine study.

Conclusion: I'm calling tomorrow. To be continued?

[The following is part two of an email conversation between Jesse and Jim with our thoughts about the new television season. You can find part one here.]

-----

From: Jesse Craft
To: Jim Fisher
Subject: Guilty pleasure or piece of junk?

One of the (many, many) reasons I had to stop watching Fringe is because I couldn't take Suzi's exclamations every time the 3-D rendered words popped up.  And by exclamations, I of course mean "What the fuck is this stupid shit?"

Speaking of not acknowledging your source material: Alan Ball, the creative force behind True Blood (and Six Feet Under, one of the original "Suzi likes this show? I'm not sure this relationship is going to work" shows, along with Nip/Tuck) has said in interviews that he has not seen a single episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Please comment on (A) how you feel his failing to watch THE seminal vampire show on television (and an all-time classic in its own right) is negatively affecting True Blood, and (B) what the fuck is Alan Ball's problem.

Even though I'm not watching it, don't you dare apologize for the guilty pleasure television show.  You are talking to a guy that watches Chuck and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.  I understand guilty pleasures.  In fact, as something of a guilty pleasure connoisseur, I dare say I can suggest how a television show can walk the fine line between guilty pleasure and claptrap: be true to your characters.

What does that mean? Look at this most recent episode of Heroes.  One of the best episodes from season one is when Sylar, the show's villian, goes home to visit his (slightly demented mother), and ultimately ends up killing her.  Now, end of episode two, we get a completely non-sensical cliffhanger: Ma Petrelli is actually is mother.  Whaaa?!?!  Not only does it make no sense, but it undercuts some of the most affecting character development we had with Sylar.  And then, all of a sudden, he's doing the buddy-cop routine with the Horn-Rimmed Glasses guy.  Plot holes are one thing: but forcing characters to behave in ways that make no sense in the service of your plot holes is taking it to another level.  A level which, in my opinion, crosses a line.

Terminator, on the other hand, has some of the same time-travel related plot holes.  Time travel plots are filled with plot holes almost by definition.  But the behavior of the characters is consistent, and they development in believable and interesting ways.  Also? Sexy robots. I love sexy robots.

Maybe that's why I can't get into Mad Men: yes, there are scads and scads of sexy women wearing shapely and structural undergarments, but they aren't robots.  It's either that, or the fact that it can be stultifyingly boring.  And this is coming from someone who enjoys and appreciates the show, when I can stay awake through an entire episode.   It looks great (especially in HD), the women are beautiful, the themes are interesting and complex, the reproduction of life in the 1960's is spot-on...

But it is boring, right?

I have seen exactly one episode of The Shield.  There were 3 or 4 different jokes about the men's room not working.  It looked like the cameraman was having a seizure from watching a previous episode of The Shield.  This show is better than The Wire?

Oh, and set your DVR: South Park starts next week.  I hear Cartman opens an investment bank or something.  How topical!

[This past weekend, I attended the 60th anniversary of the founding of the Delta Phi chapter of Alpha Chi Rho.  Over the next few days I'll be sharing some of the photographs taken at the event.  Photo credits go to Jim Fisher, principal photographer at the event, and me, the second shooter on the grassy knoll.]

We end our photo retrospective of the weekend with the dawning of a new tradition: the bowtie.

Yes, it's a clip on. For now. I fully intend to move forward with acquiring a wide array of bowties for future formal and semi-formal events.  Also for non-formal events.  Or going to the mall.  Or food shopping.  And, of course, pajama bow-ties.

[This past weekend, I attended the 60th anniversary of the founding of the Delta Phi chapter of Alpha Chi Rho.  Over the next few days I'll be sharing some of the photographs taken at the event.  Photo credits go to Jim Fisher, principal photographer at the event, and me, the second shooter on the grassy knoll.]

So, what do you think: separated at birth? Or just separated while shopping at Old Navy?

When we first arrived at Adam and Rose's apartment, Jim and Adam were wearing the same clothes.  Green polo, tan pants.  I gave Adam my glasses for the shot.  Yes, Jim and I have the same exact glasses.  It is Suzi's fault.

But the best part? The next day, Jim changes his clothes.  Adam comes out of his room, sees Jim, scurries back into his room, and comes out with the same shirt on.

[This past weekend, I attended the 60th anniversary of the founding of the Delta Phi chapter of Alpha Chi Rho.  Over the next few days I'll be sharing some of the photographs taken at the event.  Photo credits go to Jim Fisher, principal photographer at the event, and me, the second shooter on the grassy knoll.]

Clearly, nobody would do this to their face on purpose.  Something must have happened to Jim Tantillo.

[This past weekend, I attended the 60th anniversary of the founding of Alpha Chi Rho.  Over the next few days I'll be sharing some of the photographs taken at the event.  Photo credits go to Jim Fisher, principal photographer at the event, and me, the second shooter on the grassy knoll.]

Don't let the following series of shots fool you: I believe Glenn had a good time at 60th.

There's nothing an attention-starved website like mine craves more than, well, attention.  I guess that much is obvious.  In any case: I'm always quick to give anyone that links me a hug and a heart-shaped BFF necklace.

Despite offering myself up in this fashion, the links are few and far between.  So imagine my delight when Overheard in New York picked me as a runner-up in their headline contest, and linked to my humble little website. Oh the joy! I'm like the ugly girl that got asked to prom by the football captain because he finally saw me with my hair down and my glasses off, and he realized how beautiful I truly was. 

(PS: Yes, I think my headline is actually kind of dumb.  So do you.  But you know who didn't think so? Overheard in New York, bitches.)

The Suze and I are back in upstate New York this weekend for the celebration of the 60th anniversay of the founding of the RPI chapter of Alpha Chi Rho fraternity.  We spent over six years living in New York's Capital Region, and during that time we each made our own mark. 

Suzi's mark was a bit more permanent than mine: she spent a year as one of the stars of Albany's favorite public access television show, The Media Zone.  On the occasion of our triumphant return to Albany, please to enjoy some footage of Media Zone: The Suzi Years.

Apparently tired of using good music without permission, John McCain has lately taken to using the Foo Fighters' "My Hero" as his campaign theme.  Aside from the unfortunate choice (even their spectacular live performance couldn't salvage this particular shitheap of a song), the band said that permission to use the song was not sought from them, their management, their label or their publisher.

"The saddest thing about this is that My Hero was written as a celebration of the common man and his extraordinary potential," Dave Grohl wrote in a public statement.  "To have it appropriated without our knowledge and used in a manner that perverts the original sentiment of the lyric just tarnishes the song." 

As an amusing sidenote, Matt Yglesias argues fairly convincingly that contemporary hiphop, where "conservative values like greed and violence are frequently lauded" might make a more appropriate soundtrack.  And frankly, I'd rather listen to TI mangle the English language for hours than hear one more of the trainwrecks of faux-folksy dependant clauses that vomit themselves out every time Sarah Palin opens her mouth.

I'm writing this for you, Jesse. I just wanted you to know, in no uncertain terms, just how politically sophisticated your family truly is.  In speaking with your Uncle Bernie this evening about the upcoming election, he proceeded to tell me that there was a guy in the supermarket wearing an obviously pro-Obama tee shirt.  It had a picture of Sarah Palin on the front with an X through her picture and than a "Vote for Obama" slogan on the back.  Being the open minded individual that he is, he told me that if he were only 10 years younger, he would have shoved that tee shirt right up that guy's ass.  Now that would be something you don't see every day.

Now Jesse my dear, you know I don't care too much for Barack (in Jewish circles in Florida, the 80 and up crowd think it's Baruch) but even I wouldn't go that far. Shoving tee shirts up people's asses is way beyond my commitment to politics.

Okay, rooting may be kind of a strong word.  But as a Yankee fan, shouldn't I be rooting for nothing short of utter, humiliating defeat of the Red Sox, followed by the revelation that Big Papi is a steroids user, Josh Beckett is a wife-beater, and then all that followed by a meteor strike that wipes Boston off the face of the earth?

Well, yes.  In a way, that's what I am rooting for.  See, the Red Sox losing to the Tampa Bay Rays would be fine.  But what if the Red Sox got to the World Series... only to lose to Joe Torre, Manny Ramirez, and the Los Angeles Dodgers?

Old school Yankee fans will tell me I can't root for the Dodgers. I'm supposed to hate them too.  Well guess what, old school Yankee fans? I was born in 1981.  I could care less how many times the Yankees and the Dodgers played in the World Series in the 1950s.  I'm over it.   Today, I am all about the Dodgers.

Joel Sherman fails to think outside the box today in his over-heated column for the New York Post:

"The Yankees stopped playing more than a week ago and yet their season keeps getting worse. "

"The Yanks still might have to deal with this World Series: the Red Sox vs. the Joe Torre Dodgers. That will make the attack of midges that helped drive them from the playoffs last year seem like thousands of kisses. Who do they root for? The team they hate or the man they hate?"

Uh, Joel? I don't hate Joe Torre.  I love Joe Torre.  I love him as much as, or possibly more than, one heterosexual man should love another heterosexual man.  He didn't choose to leave New York.  He wanted to stay.  The Yankees and Baby Stein forced him out after 4 World Series wins, 6 American League championships, and 12 straight years of playoff appearances.   Joe Torre winning the World Series for LA while the Yankees watch at home is exactly the kind of comeuppance New York and its fickle, fickle fans deserve.

And what better way to vicariously enjoy that vengeance than if he takes it against Boston?

But the vengeance of Torre will be minor compared to the howling wail of despair from Boston when Manny Ramirez hits a walk-off, Series ending home run in Boston, and takes the slowest, sweetest jog around the bases in history...

...that takes him straight into free agency and the waiting arms (and wallet) of the New York Yankees.  Oh yes.  OH YES IT WILL BE GLORIOUS.

So join me, Yankee fans and Boston haters, in rooting for Boston to reach the World Series - where we all hope that Joe Torre, Manny Ramirez, and the greatest vengeance in baseball history await.

Uh... weren't we supposed to be bailing the economy out or something?

So here we are, the Monday after the bailout finally passes, and what do I see? Oh, is that a 600 point drop in the Dow? And the market is going to close below 10,000 points for the first time in four years?

Do you pay taxes? Congratulations.  You've been scammed. 

I'm not claiming to be an economy expert, but I like to think I can spot a scam when I see it.  And when the former CEO of an investment bank pulls an enormous amount of money out of his ass and says, "We have to give this money away to the banks RIGHT NOW WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT OR ELSE THE ECONOMY WILL EXPLODE ZOMFG!!" it sets off a red flag or two. 

And also listen: I'm not saying that a bailout was not necessary, or that it won't help in the long run - I don't feel qualified to make that statement. The problem is, and has been from day one, the way the conversation changed in one week from, "The fundamentals of the economy are strong" to "We need to give out $700B immediately or we are all doomed" that makes the whole thing smell like yesterday's diapers.  Why the rush? Clearly it hasn't changed anything. 

PS: did you know that George W. Bush is the first president to ever have an MBA? It's true.  Time even called him the CEO President.  Good times.

So lets say you are a city.  As with many American cities, you have a small homeless problem.  All your highways have feeder roads, so there are lots of underpasses with traffic lights - what a perfect place to live and work if you are a homeless person (and by "work" I mean hold up a "United Negro Pizza Fund" sign and a cup). 

What do you do, city? Well, you want to make it clear to the homeless that they should not be living under the overpasses.  But you can't put up a bunch of signs that say "Go back to New Orleans", right?

Perfect!

They aren't homeless.  They are "campers".  And they aren't living under the overpasses to keep out of the sun and the rain.  They are "camping overnight" - which is clearly prohibited by the signs.

Oh, and this?

That's just "camping equipment".  Glad we cleared that up.

[The following is part one of an email conversation between Jesse and Jim with our thoughts about the new television season.]

---

From: Jesse Craft
To: Jim Fisher
Subject: The writer's strike strikes again

Jim, you and I are probably the two biggest media consumers we both know.  Your DVD collection is the stuff of legend, and there are occasions when I miss television shows I would otherwise watch because I'm already recording 2 while I watch a third.  So I'm glad we both decided to put the new fall season to the test of our collective tastes.  We're going to discuss what each of us are watching this season, what we like and don't like, and maybe, just maybe, we'll figure out what the hell happened to Heroes?

Before we even get into the shows, though, we have to talk about the dark cloud that still hangs over the television landscape; the writer's strike of aught-seven.  Last year, I watched, or at least sampled, seven new series: Chuck, Reaper, Gossip Girl, Bionic Woman, Pushing Daisies, Damages, and the Sarah Conner Chronicles.  Sure, Reaper fizzled, I hate Gossip Girl but watch it with the Suze, and I missed the premiere of Bionic Woman and then only made it through 15 minutes of the second episode, but that's still 4 shows that I'm watching or intend to continue watching this season once they return.  This year? I watched 20 minutes of the Fringe pilot before punching myself in the face until I passed out.  And that's it.

So is the new fare from this fall season treating you any better? Anything I'm missing out on? And, seriously: what the hell happened to Heroes?

 

Do you love music?  Do you love music enough to spend three days in the endless Texas sun?

If not, you have no soul and should seek help, perhaps from gypsies.  But for those of us less humanity-challenged, every year there's the Austin City Limits music festival.  Spun off the legendary 34 season TV program with the same title, it's a nonstop, genre-independent orgy of sweat, song, and insobriety.  With eight stages, there's between two and four bands playing at any given time, and the real challenge is trying to squeeze in seeing everyone you already know you want to, to say nothing of the myriad new bands you'll fall in love with. 

I'm not quite self-absorbed enough to think anyone actually cares to read about everyone who I saw or detailed reviews, so instead I'll just discuss one of the neater green ideas they had.  In addition to the usual overpriced t-shirts, they had even more expensive 'green' shirts with unique designs.  However, money wasn't the only way to get one.  You could get one for free by redeeming a full trashbag full of recyclables from the festival grounds.  The end result: for probably 150 dollars worth of shirts they had a huge team of volunteers circling the park like vultures, pouncing on litter the instant it hit the ground.  It got annoying at times since holding a beer in your hand turns you into a magnet for collectors, but it kept the grounds staggeringly clean.  Particularly important since there are really only a few hours of daylight in the morning to clean before the doors opened at 11.

Recommendations past the jump...

Kevin!

He actually won on a technicality - Trig was supposed to refer to the name of Sarah Palin's Down's syndrome-y baby, but according to the rules we decided on, any of the words could be said in any context.  So, Gwen Ifill cost me my debate win when she said:

Blind activists plan protest of movie 'Blindness'

Blind people quarantined in a mental asylum, attacking each other, soiling themselves, trading sex for food. For Marc Maurer, who's blind, such a scenario -- as shown in the movie "Blindness" -- is not a clever allegory for a breakdown in society.

Instead, it's an offensive and chilling depiction that Maurer fears could undermine efforts to integrate blind people into the mainstream.

"The movie portrays blind people as monsters, and I believe it to be a lie," said Maurer, president of the Baltimore-based National Federation of the Blind. "Blindness doesn't turn decent people into monsters."

Yeah, nothing cripples a movie's chances at the box office like a boycott by blind people.

And how do they know the movie is offensive to blind people? It's not like they saw it.

The organization plans to protest the movie, released by Miramax Films, at 75 theaters around the country when it's released Friday. Blind people and their allies will hand out fliers and carry signs. Among the slogans: "I'm not an actor. But I play a blind person in real life."

At least that's what they think the signs say... no actual way to know, right?  Unless they are in braille. (Is anybody offended yet?!??)

I would like to take a break from reciting democratic talking points and aggravating the French by bringing you this reminder: 

I live in Texas now.

Okay, so you already knew/didn't care.  I also already knew that.  Here's the thing: for the most part, Texas feels exactly like everywhere else I've ever lived.  It's a little warmer, and I need to go to a sports bar to watch the Giants, but other then that, there just isn't anything particularly... Texas-y about living in Houston.  At least there wasn't until yesterday, when this cow happened.