This may surprise you, but this website does not take up all of my free time.  I have other creative pursuits.  One of my recent endeavors was the development of a graphic novel about a Jamaican superhero with super speed.  After a lengthy process, I finally hit upon a name for my hero's alter-ego that reflected both the nature of his super power and his country of origin.

Well fuck me in the ass, cause it turns out Usain Bolt already exists.  That name may go down as maybe the best aptronym of all time, rivaled only by Chuck Long and Thomas Crapper.

Bolt completely demolished the rest of the field in the 100m sprint, the winner of which is dubbed "The World's Fastest Man."  The video is on NBC.com here, and I demand that you watch it, despite the fact that you'll probably have to install a plugin, watch a commercial, and otherwise go through the type of pain that makes me loathe to watch any non-YouTube internet clip.

Incredible, right? He runs maybe 70 meters, looks to his left, looks to his right, realizes he is way out in front of the field, and starts slowing down.  He stretches out his hands and begins soaking in his victory.  He pumps his chest.  And he still hasn't crossed the finish line yet.  And despite the showboating, the premature celebration, and the fact that he is slowing down before he even finishes the race, he destroys his own world record time.

What is the parallel here? Michael Phelps finishing a freestyle race doing the doggie paddle? Maybe a marathoner running the last half mile backwards? Or an all-around gymnast doing a floor exercise consisting of nothing but cartwheels? Actually, it's all those things, except they would have to be named Michael Swimmer, Jack Runsfar, and Courtney Flips.