@ August 28, 2008

["Dear Prudence" is published every Thursday on  For the original column, click here.]

Dear Prudence OC,
When I married my wife, our wedding vows sure didn't cover this. In 2005, she and I were both arrested for shoplifting for drug money (obviously, we both had drug problems) and were given probation. I took that opportunity to clean up my act. Now I've been sober for three years and have put my life back into some semblance of order. It hasn't been as easy for her. She has continued to indulge in this behavior (she told me very candidly she didn't want to stop) and managed to get arrested again on a shoplifting charge a year and a half ago. I thought that would be her wakeup call, but I guess not. On our eighth wedding anniversary, my wife was arrested for felony shoplifting again! She is looking at a minimum of one to five years in prison. Her probation has been violated this time, so if I bail her out, she'll be immediately rearrested. I am confused as to what to do now. Should I wait for her or start consulting divorce lawyers? Would it be wrong to start seeing people while she's locked up? I love my wife deeply, but five years is a long time, and by the time she gets out we'll both be almost 40.

-Needs Help

Dear Needy,

It seems to me that your mind is made up.  The options you present are consulting divorce lawyers, or just skipping that part and going right to the dating (it's not like she's going to walk in on you while you are with someone else, amirite?)

So, was she still shoplifting to finance her drug habit? Did she do these drugs in the house? While you were around? I'm just sort of confused.  If someone I lived with was doing drugs in the house, I'd like to think I would have done more than shrug my shoulders, wait for her to get arrested, and then start dating other women.  Whatever - if you are looking for a rubber stamp to divorce your wife, go for it.  I bet you are a real catch.


Dear Prudence OC,
My husband and I have recently begun taking classes in order to join the Catholic Church. We have met many kind and friendly people in our parish, but one couple in particular has made us feel very uncomfortable. They are very "huggy" in an over-the-top way. We have tried turning hugs into handshakes and standing back when they hover over us, but they don't seem to be taking the hint. Alarm bells are starting to go off, as the wife patted my husband's rear end at a recent luncheon and the husband stood so uncomfortably close to me that I had to keep backing away from him. We are in our 40s and this couple is in their 70s! They are long-standing church members and we are newcomers, so we don't want to be rude or make a fuss. She is my church sponsor but hasn't once made any effort to help lead me on my spiritual journey. This whole issue is making us want to throw in the towel and find another church. How do we tactfully bring these issues up with our priest without sounding like we are complaining or trying to rat out geriatric philanderers?

-Church Newbies

Holy shit, you have to take classes to join the Catholic Church? You'd think that the pedophilia and social backwardness would have been enough of a barrier to entry without a goddamn class to take.  Anyway: you've made quite a leap from hugging and the occasional ass-pat to geriatric philanderers.  Is this a church thing? Is a hearty handshake with eye contact considered second base to you people?

I would suggest chilling the fuck out.  And, as a side note: if you need advice on how to deal with someone's inappropriate touching, isn't a Catholic priest the last person you would want to ask?


Dear Prudence OC,
I am a first-time mother of a 6-week-old baby. Last night, when I went to watch a movie on our home computer, something much saucier came up on the screen--porn. I went to our browser history and found that my husband had been looking at porn quite regularly for weeks. I confronted him, and he admitted to four weeks' worth--when our baby was only 2 weeks old! He apologized and said that he was embarrassed and knew it was wrong. I'm shocked, disgusted, and feel betrayed. I'm up with the baby all night, and he's having a party downstairs. But maybe I should just chalk it up to "boys will be boys" behavior. Having just had a child, our intimacy is, of course, compromised, but it's not going to get much better after this discovery. Do we need counseling, or do I need to chill out?

-Mother of a Newborn Against Porn

Dear MNAP,

If you looked at my browser history I bet your head would explode!   Your husband is a liar, natch.  He has not suddenly discovered the world of online pornography in the last 4 weeks.  By any chance, is that how far back your browser history goes? It's not a coincidence - he's just only copping to whatever porno you can prove.

Side note: I think the exclamation "--when our baby was only 2 weeks old!" is my favorite part of any letter I have answered to date.  Why is this detail pertinent? Do you think that, when your husband was looking at pornography while there was such a young child in the house, his perverted brainwaves were radiating outwards and infecting the still-developing brain of your child?

Back to the issue: I'll give you the same advice I gave to the last letter - Chill. The. Fuck. Out.  Chillthefuckout. You've been pregnant for 9 months, and then the baby has been there for 6 weeks.  During that time you've probably let him see you naked, what, 3 times? Maybe?

Have you seen the show Generation: Kill? You should watch it.  These guys are out in the desert, getting shot at, sleeping 4 hours a night if they are lucky, and do you know what they do with their free time? They have sing-alongs and jerk it.  It's called a combat jack. And that's it.  That is all guys care about.  Your husband? He's been in the desert of baby, getting shot at with your pregnant craziness for the last 9 months.  All he wants to do is have a sing-along and a combat jack.  Don't take that away from him.  Hey, at least he's not out chasing skirts, amirite?


Dear Prudie OC,
My mother and I were involved in a car accident about a month ago. Mom was seriously injured and fractured her ribs. She is at home recovering, and I have been working from home to look after her. We have no other family nearby. Friends and acquaintances have been kind enough to visit often to cheer us up as well as offer help and support. However, I am unsure how much I am expected to entertain these visitors given the circumstances. Prior to the accident, if anyone unexpectedly arrived at my home at lunch- or dinnertime, I would have offered them a meal and served drinks and snacks. I haven't been doing that, and I feel guilty that I am unable to entertain and feed visitors who have to come to show their support. Am I rude if I don't offer lunch or dinner to visitors who arrive around mealtime?

--Guilty Hostess

Dear Hostess,

Sorry, I'm not answering this question until you make me a sandwich.

Okay, fine, you get advice, but only a little.  If you aren't eating, then it isn't rude.  If your are fixing dinner for yourself or your mom, ask them if they'd like some. Also: don't send questions like this to Prudence.  Send them to Miss Manners.  She's the best.


So is MNAP's computer on the ground floor, or is "having a party downstairs" a euphemism?

If it wasn't a euphemism before, it is now. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to attend...


))) Sa nu te prind vreodata ca mai spui ignore, fara motive intemeiate.
Daca tot sunt eu atata de importanta ,nu puteam lasa deoparte sa nu o fac si pe ea.Stii foarte bine ca nu sunt genul care sa atace,insa cand sunt atacata pot musca, ca o fiara cu argumente totusi.Si pe mine m-a distrat discutia in sine si chiar a fost show acum vreo 2 saptamani de cand ma tot gandesc sa postez acest articol sau nu .
Pana la urma nu am nimic de pierdut,asta sunt eu,imi asum spusele intotdeauna si nu ma contrazic in ceea ce sustin .
Multumesc ca mi-ai acceptat zambetele,restul....e istorie.
Mika recently posted..Cine sunt eu de fapt?

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