["Dear Prudence" is published every Thursday on Slate.com. For the original column, click here.]Dear
When I married my wife, our wedding
vows sure didn't cover this. In 2005, she and I were both arrested for
shoplifting for drug money (obviously, we both had drug problems) and
were given probation. I took that opportunity to clean up my act. Now
I've been sober for three years and have put my life back into some
semblance of order. It hasn't been as easy for her. She has continued
to indulge in this behavior (she told me very candidly she didn't want
to stop) and managed to get arrested again on a shoplifting charge a
year and a half ago. I thought that would be her wakeup call, but I
guess not. On our eighth wedding anniversary, my wife was arrested for
felony shoplifting again! She is looking at a minimum of one to five
years in prison. Her probation has been violated this time, so if I
bail her out, she'll be immediately rearrested. I am confused as to
what to do now. Should I wait for her or start consulting divorce
lawyers? Would it be wrong to start seeing people while she's locked
up? I love my wife deeply, but five years is a long time, and by the
time she gets out we'll both be almost 40.
It seems to me that your mind is made up. The options you present are consulting divorce lawyers, or just skipping that part and going right to the dating (it's not like she's going to walk in on you while you are with someone else, amirite
So, was she still shoplifting to finance her drug habit? Did she do these drugs in the house? While you were around? I'm just sort of confused. If someone I lived with was doing drugs in the house, I'd like to think I would have done more than shrug my shoulders, wait for her to get arrested, and then start dating other women. Whatever - if you are looking for a rubber stamp to divorce your wife, go for it. I bet you are a real catch.
My husband and I have recently begun
taking classes in order to join the Catholic Church. We have met many
kind and friendly people in our parish, but one couple in particular
has made us feel very uncomfortable. They are very "huggy" in an
over-the-top way. We have tried turning hugs into handshakes and
standing back when they hover over us, but they don't seem to be taking
the hint. Alarm bells are starting to go off, as the wife patted my
husband's rear end at a recent luncheon and the husband stood so
uncomfortably close to me that I had to keep backing away from him. We
are in our 40s and this couple is in their 70s! They are long-standing
church members and we are newcomers, so we don't want to be rude or
make a fuss. She is my church sponsor but hasn't once made any effort
to help lead me on my spiritual journey. This whole issue is making us
want to throw in the towel and find another church. How do we tactfully
bring these issues up with our priest without sounding like we are
complaining or trying to rat out geriatric philanderers?
Holy shit, you have to take classes to join the Catholic Church? You'd think that the pedophilia and social backwardness would have been enough of a barrier to entry without a goddamn class to take. Anyway: you've made quite a leap from hugging and the occasional ass-pat to geriatric philanderers. Is this a church thing? Is a hearty handshake with eye contact considered second base to you people?
I would suggest chilling the fuck out
. And, as a side note: if you need advice on how to deal with someone's inappropriate touching, isn't a Catholic priest the last person you would want to ask?
I am a first-time mother of a
6-week-old baby. Last night, when I went to watch a movie on our home
computer, something much saucier came up on the screen--porn. I went to
our browser history and found that my husband had been looking at porn
quite regularly for weeks. I confronted him, and he admitted to four
weeks' worth--when our baby was only 2 weeks old! He apologized and said
that he was embarrassed and knew it was wrong. I'm shocked, disgusted,
and feel betrayed. I'm up with the baby all night, and he's having a
party downstairs. But maybe I should just chalk it up to "boys will be
boys" behavior. Having just had a child, our intimacy is, of course,
compromised, but it's not going to get much better after this
discovery. Do we need counseling, or do I need to chill out?
-Mother of a Newborn Against Porn
If you looked at my browser history I bet your head would explode! Your husband is a liar, natch. He has not suddenly discovered
the world of online pornography in the last 4 weeks. By any chance, is that how far back your browser history goes? It's not a coincidence - he's just only copping to whatever porno you can prove.
Side note: I think the exclamation "--when our baby was only 2 weeks old!" is my favorite part of any letter I have answered to date. Why is this detail pertinent? Do you think that, when your husband was looking at pornography while there was such a young child in the house, his perverted brainwaves were radiating outwards
and infecting the still-developing brain of your child?
Back to the issue: I'll give you the same advice I gave to the last letter - Chill. The. Fuck. Out. Chillthefuckout. You've been pregnant for 9 months, and then the baby has been there for 6 weeks. During that time you've probably let him see you naked, what, 3 times? Maybe?
Have you seen the show Generation: Kill? You should watch it. These guys are out in the desert, getting shot at, sleeping 4 hours a night if they are lucky, and do you know what they do with their free time? They have sing-alongs and jerk it. It's called a combat jack. And that's it. That is all guys care about. Your husband? He's been in the desert of baby, getting shot at with your pregnant craziness for the last 9 months. All he wants to do is have a sing-along and a combat jack. Don't take that away from him. Hey, at least he's not out chasing skirts, amirite
My mother and I were involved in a
car accident about a month ago. Mom was seriously injured and fractured
her ribs. She is at home recovering, and I have been working from home
to look after her. We have no other family nearby. Friends and
acquaintances have been kind enough to visit often to cheer us up as
well as offer help and support. However, I am unsure how much I am
expected to entertain these visitors given the circumstances. Prior to
the accident, if anyone unexpectedly arrived at my home at lunch- or
dinnertime, I would have offered them a meal and served drinks and
snacks. I haven't been doing that, and I feel guilty that I am unable
to entertain and feed visitors who have to come to show their support.
Am I rude if I don't offer lunch or dinner to visitors who arrive
Sorry, I'm not answering this question until you make me a sandwich
Okay, fine, you get advice, but only a little. If you aren't eating, then it isn't rude. If your are fixing dinner for yourself or your mom, ask them if they'd like some. Also: don't send questions like this to Prudence. Send them to Miss Manners
. She's the best.