About a month ago, I commented on the impending ridiculousness that is the new M. Night Shyamalan movie, where people say things like "There appears to be an event happening" and "I'm a teacher!" and stand around motionless in parks for no apparent reason.  But then I saw a commercial where a man lay down in front of a thresher, and another man fed himself to lions in a zoo, and it made me laugh.  And I thought to myself, "Hey, this looks kind of like the Final Destination movies...  I like those... and the Suze likes these kinds of movies, maybe this will be one I could tolerate and I could earn some Suze points..."

Well, here's the good part: I have found a movie that can be summarized without words, but with a single image:

Now, stare at that image for the next 90 minutes. Study the creases of Marky Mark's furrowed brow, and the blankness of his stare.  Make his confusion your confusion.  Make his flared nostrils your flared nostrils. Also...

Begin spoiler alert:

The grass is trying to kill him. 

Hahaha, funny joke.  No, not funny! That's the plot of the movie.  Grass and trees and shit make everyone kill themselves for some reason.  I'm sure M. thought he was making some deep commentary on global warming and environmentalism, and Lord knows he isn't the first to try and fail. 

There's no crazy twist ending to talk about afterwards, no interesting deaths that weren't spoiled in the commercials, and no nudity.  It's Mark Wahlberg, staring at you with a furrowed brow in a Pennsylvania field for 90 minutes while the grass tries to kill him.

End of spoiler. 

If you skipped over the spoilers, go back and read them, and save yourself the trouble of seeing this movie. 

PPS: afterwards, Suzi and I were in a store in the mall, and she said a little too loudly as we discussed the movie: "you should blog about it!" and I wanted to kill myself.  So there's that.