["Ask Dr. Tracy" is published monthly.  For the original column, click here.]

Dear Dr. Tracy OC,
I have had a girlfriend for about 6 months. We live in different countries that are on opposite sides of the world. We knew each other as youngsters but did not begin our relationship until she moved away. About 4 months ago, I saw a photo of her and another man on her website. In the picture, they looked a bit more than friends. I sent my girlfriend an e-mail asking her about the photo. She hasn't responded since then. I don't have her phone number so I can't call her. I'm sure my e-mails are getting through. I am ready to move on but I feel that I owe my girlfriend an opportunity to at least tell me if she wants to end our relationship. I have waited two months. How much longer should I wait for a response? Thank you. 

Dear waiting,

Do you hear that? Be quiet and listen hard.  That is the sound of me laughing at you.  Are you sure this person was your girlfriend? I mean, would this person be surprised to hear you characterize your relationship as such? I bet she would.  She probably thought you were just friends keeping in touch, then she posts a picture of herself with her boyfriend, and all of a sudden she gets this out-of-the-blue e-mail from you saying that she is your "girlfriend" and "who is this guy" and "I'm a spooky internet stalker".  So she hasn't emailed you back.  No shit.  I wouldn't either.  If I may borrow a line from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I bet you think strippers like you, too.

Heh. Heheh. Heeheeeheee.

Dear Dr. Tracy OC,
I need some advice, and definitely some perspective on a relationship problem. I am very much in love with a kind and wonderful man and am getting married next month. We are both 30.

About three weeks ago I borrowed his computer, and found that he had been looking at a significant number of pornographic websites. This is not a big deal for me, I know it is normal, and every past boyfriend I've had has admitted to looking at porn.

However, my fiance has told me any time this has come up in the past that he doesn't like porn, and that he finds it degrading to women and distorts mens' view of 'real sex.'

So of course I asked him about these sites and he flat out denied it -- and promptly deleted all his internet history and cookies. I tried to make it safe for him to tell me by assuring him I think it is normal, but he continued to angrily and vehemently deny he ever looks at it or likes it.

So I let it drop, and then this weekend I noticed him in our home office looking at pornographic sites on the computer. I checked his internet history (which is sneaky, I feel bad about doing it) and he had indeed been cruising various porn sites while I was just in the other room. I let a day go by and then asked him about it-- trying to be really gentle about it and non-accusatory- and he completely lied about it, and got very very angry at me for bringing it up again. I told him that I clearly know he was, and it is no big deal, but he will not admit it.

Please give me some perspective on this. I am really worried because we are getting married really soon. I completely trust him not to cheat on me or abuse me, but I am really hurt by his lying over this. What do you suggest I do to put my mind at ease? I don't think there is any way he will ever tell me the truth about this, and I really don't want it to come between us.

Thank you for your help!

Dear porno detective:

I'm going to take you at face value that you were actually cool with the porno you found, and there wasn't some non-verbal communication going on that made your man feel like he needed to hide his porno addiction.  Cause that's what it sounds like.  Yeah, we all look at porn, but constantly? And the obsessive need to hide his tracks like Danny at the end of the Shining? Yeah, I'd say he has a problem.  You'll want to straighten this one out before any vows are exchanged, probably with counseling.  And if he doesn't agree to counseling, then be glad he revealed his true nature before the wedding and saved you the expense and heartache of a divorce. It's a cliche, I know, but if he'll lie to you about this...

Dear Dr. Tracy OC,
I'm 27, never been married, and involved with a beautiful man who just may be "the one." The issue at hand revolves around our very different backgrounds. He was raised in a wealthy, laid-back small-town-type liberal community in the rolling hills of Oregon, and went on to attend a very liberal private college, then Stanford for a doctorate. I, on the other hand, was born in Detroit to a very blue-collar, conservative family. Parents were divorced in my infancy, and we moved around a lot. There were years of financial struggle, compounded with emotional and sexual abuse, with sporadic physical abuse thrown in for good measure. I drifted through my teens and twenties, smoking too much pot and running from my past. I'm just now graduating college with my Bachelor's degree this April.

My education has revolved around Psychology, and due to years of therapy and self-analysis, I feel I've come very far in "growing into myself" both as a woman and a human being. One thing I can't seem to get past, though, is the "unfairness of it all." Ridiculous, right? But when he speaks of his high school years or the fancy private college (my terms, not his) he went to, I get this surge of envy and frustration. He had this gentle, privileged life, while I've done nothing but struggle. I tell myself I ought to be grateful that a man like him would even be interested in someone like me, but it still hurts. And yes, that thought right there shows there is more going on than this "opposite sides of the tracks" background issue. It is just something that pops up more and more lately, and I fear that if it continues, it will push him away.

Any thoughts?

Dear psych major:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.  Get the fuck over it.