ObscureCraft.net broke the news yesterday that Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with cancer. Everyone here at Obscure Headquarters is a big fan of his work, and we'd hoped to sit down with the actor for an interview to see how he was doing in the wake of his diagnosis. While Mr. Swayze declined our request for an interview, we were able to sit down with three of his characters from his late 80's - early 90's heyday. Here is a transcript from our interview with James Dalton, Bodhi, and Johnny Castle.

ObscureCraft: So tell us, how have you been doing since your diagnosis?

James Dalton: Pain don't hurt.

OC: Well, I'm glad to see that you are taking the news in stride.

Bodhi: Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it?

OC: What do you mean?  Do you feel this illness has struck you at an especially inopportune time in your life?

Johnny Castle: You don't understand the way it is, I mean for somebody like me. Last month I'm eating Jujubes to keep alive, and this month women are stuffing diamonds in my pocket, I'm bouncing on shit and quick as that (J. Castle snaps his fingers) I could be down there again.

OC: Obviously, your career isn't what it was in the early 90s, but I didn't realize things had gotten quite that bad.

J. Dalton: I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice.

OC: Listen, I'm not trying to be hostile here. I was genuinely concerned for your health and wanted to...

J. Castle: Just put your pickle on everbody's plate college boy and leave the hard stuff to me.

OC: I think we got off on the wrong foot here.  I am curious about something.  You've been known for playing characters that are laid back, some would say even meditative. Has this helped you cope in these difficult times?

J. Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules: One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected.

OC: Clearly that would be helpful advice in a time like this...

J. Dalton: Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless its absolutely necessary.

OC: Alright, I'm not sure I exactly understand where you are going with this...

J. Dalton: And three, be nice.

OC: I thought I was being nice, lets try to keep this civil...

J. Dalton: If somebody gets in your face and calls you a cocksucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk. Be nice. If he won't walk, walk him. But be nice. If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you, and you'll both be nice. I want you to remember that it's a job. It's nothing personal.

OC: That's true, I see where you are coming from. Lets move on to...

Jed: You want the ultimate, you've got to pay the ultimate price.

OC: Hey, who invited Jed from Red Dawn? I'm sorry, you are going to have to leave, you and your retarded movie are not welcome here.

J. Castle: Nobody puts baby in a corner!!!

OC: Listen, this is my interview, and Jed is going to have to wait outside. Johnny Castle, you calm down.  Bodhi, you famously surfed to death in the closing scene of Point Break. How has that experience prepared you for this?

Bodhi: Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.

OC: Is that how you get the courage to fight this illness?

J. Dalton: Nobody ever wins a fight.

OC: Well, if not a fight, then maybe its more like a dance? Johnny Castle, what do you think?

J. Castle: I'm gonna do my kind of dancin' with a great partner, who's not only a terrific dancer; somebody who's taught me that there are people willing to stand up for other people no matter what it costs them; somebody who's taught me about the kind of person I wanna be.

OC: Dance training has prepared you for everything in life, even cancer?

J. Castle: Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine.

OC: Bodie, anything you'd like to add?

Bodhi: I hate this Johnny. I really do. I hate violence. That is why I had Rosie do this, I could never do that man, I could never hold a knife to Tyler's throat, she was my woman. But, Rosie, he's like a mechanism. He's got this gift of blankness. Once you set him an emotion, he will not stop. So, when three o'clock comes, he will gut her like a pig, and try not to get any on his shoes and there is nothing I can do.

OC: Thank you for coming today, gentlemen.

Bodhi: Yo, Johnny! I'll see you in the next life!