This recap will be on the briefer side since I have to get ready for the first annual ObscureCraft Retreat. I've been warned that the results are "Shocking". Evan better not get thrown off, that's all I have to say.
First off are Karla and Vitolio aka the KV club SEE JESSE I'M USING IT. Also Randi and Evan. One is safe, one in danger. KV nailed the quickstep as much as it could be done, but Randi and Evan are lovable and also Evan is wearing a large white bowtie. I'd miss either of them. The quickstep remains the kiss of death. Nigel says "they're no stranger to the bottom 3 they'll adjust". Not a good omen.
Jeanette and Brandon - they did the cha cha, the judges and OC SO Steph liked it, I found Brandon's feminine manners offputting. Safe.
Kayla and Kupono - I love weird contemporary routines and this one worked for me despite Kupono being annoying. It was a little high concept, but not as weird as the alien impregnation routine so the weird voters might vote them instead. High risk of being in the bottom. ...and they are. Kupono is living on borrowed time. Mia liked the weird contemporary routine, STOP THE PRESSES. She also blatantly says she'll vote to keep them.
Melissa and Ade - Pas de Deux, still boring. Yes it was performed well, but it was boring. I'll take zombies fucking aliens any day. Safe.
Caitlin and Jason had the aforementioned routine. In an increasingly common occurance, I find myself disliking the male dancers but loving the women. Last season there were so many great male dancers. Anyway despite my annoyance I think Jason went all in and rocked it. Safe. The weirder voters do in fact turn out, even though the zombie routine was better.
Jeanine and Philip - LOVE LOCKDOWN A LOVE LOCKDOWN GET YOUR LOVE LOCKDOWN. This was a fun routine despite his annoying face. Don't lie, we were all hoping for him to trip on the chain. Philip go home you are in the bottom three even in your element with a gimmick performance set to KANYE. That's a freebie.
Nigel lets us know that people like different things, THANKS. Mary rambles about something that I don't pay attention to. Did Mia Michaels even say anything? As promised I am fast forwarding through the guest dancers before I slip into a permanent coma.
What is this commercial about attractive people trying to sell fat surly nerds cell phones. Here at ObscureCraft we are all about surly nerds but this commercial is terrible.
Karla is as beautiful as ever but the solo seems slow and unimpressive. Probably trying to avoid the 'desperate' charges from last time. She's really pushing her luck with that one.
Vitolio, RASCAL FLATTS? What the hell Vitolio, what the hell? The only notable thing was blatantly squeezing in a spin after the buzzer. He won me over with the quickstep, but then he overused the 'kiss of joy' comment, it wasn't funny the first time dammit.
Kayla. And now Sarah MacLachlan. Increasingly strange solo music choices this weekend. I know a lot more about music than dance, maybe that's why I focus on the song selection more than the style. Kayla is definitely safe.
Kupono - Cut off jean shorts? At least he's cutting down on the bling a little bit. Meeeh. Oh God Kelly Clarkson is performing WHYYYYYY
Jeanine is also great. I would send all three guys home and keep all three girls. In my basement.
Philip argh why does your annoying face ruin a great solo. This was the standout of the guys but he's been pretty blah in the weekly dances so he's not entirely safe. Safest of the three though.
Wasn't Kelly Clarkson young and skinny at one point?
Unanimous on the girls. "We don't talk about you Jeanine.. but it was brilliant." Get to InTrade and sell Karla fast. Kayla - "Judge's and choreographer's favorite. Not dancing from the heart". Karla "A very good dancer but...." she's done. Didn't even pay attention after that. And right, she's done. Sorry Jesse. You get one last montage to finish up.
Unanimous on the guys too. Philip is "unique and superb at what he does. A little desperate" Goddamnit this is the most annoying criticism. He and his obnoxious face are safe. Kupono tries to jack Vitolio's spot. "Great presence, but don't really deliver anything apart from that". Kupono "Such a weak solo." But he sounds safe. AGAIN. DESPITE BEING TERRIBLE EVERY WEEK. GODDAMNIT WHY? Max and now Vitolio sacrificed on the altar of their inexplicable lust for Kupono.
Before we begin, I have to apologize to my audience that reads this every week about getting this out a day late. Sorry, Kevin.
This week, in addition to the usual running side commentary from the Suze, we are visited by Rose, the official sister of Obscurecraft.net, and OC contributor Daytrader.
And DT immediately points out something that has somehow eluded me during the credits, which is that Kupono's name is showed with a bar over the U in his name. Is this So You Think You Can Pronounce?
This episode also starts off on Rose's bad side: "That was a really lame opening, they all hit there spot at the wrong time." Shit, Rose is really particular.
This week's Cat Deeley fashion update: a bright pink 1980's prom dress with a wide sparkly belt. Only Cat Deeley could pull that dress off. Well, her and her boyfriend. GOD I HATE HIM.
Everybody in the room boos when Mia Michaels is revealed as the guest judge. Rose: what is that shirt? Rose has a point, as she appears to be either wearing the puffy shirt from Seinfeld, or she's just tucked an enormous napkin into her jacket so she doesn't get orange Cheetoh dust all over her.
As we all know, blogs (and sometimes Craigslist) are the sole reason print journalism is in decline. And because of all this blogging, they've had to get creative. Not in doing better research, or having the best writers, but in... let's euphemistically call it "finding alternative revenue sources".
""Underwriting Opportunity: An evening with the right people can alter the debate," says the one-page flier. "Underwrite and participate in this intimate and exclusive Washington Post Salon, an off-the-record dinner and discussion at the home of CEO and Publisher Katharine Weymouth. ... Bring your organization's CEO or executive director literally to the table. Interact with key Obama administration and congressional leaders."
The flier promised the dinner would be held in an intimate setting with no unseemly conflict between participants. "Spirited? Yes. Confrontational? No," it said. "The relaxed setting in the home of Katharine Weymouth assures it. What is guaranteed is a collegial evening, with Obama administration officials, Congress members, business leaders, advocacy leaders and other select minds typically on the guest list of 20 or less. ...
Let's be clear about this, they are saying that for a $25,000 bribe, the Washington Post will 'alter the debate' in lobbyists' favor. However, they don't use profanity, unlike those foul mouthed bloggers. And isn't civility what really counts?
(After getting caught, they're cancelling the event and pretending it was all a big misunderstanding. Also interestingly, despite the promises no Obama administration officials had actually agreed to attend.)
[Dear Prudence is published weekly on Slate.com. For the original article, click here.]
Dear Prudence OC, I have been married for seven years, but I am still troubled by how to
speak openly about masturbation with my spouse. I masturbate pretty much every
morning after getting up and every evening before I go to bed, unless I think
my wife and I will make love. The problem is that my wife sees my masturbation
as a declaration that she does not please me, which is not true. I enjoy our
lovemaking, and I'd prefer to make love to her as often as I masturbate; she's
simply not interested in doing it that often. (Believe me, I've tried.)
Moreover, she complains that I "take too long" and says she would be
more willing if I were "normal" and didn't last so long. My wife also
has suggested there is something wrong with me for wanting to make love or masturbate
as often as I do. I accept that I'll never be able to make love to my wife as
often as I would like, but how do I convey to her that masturbation is normal
and that she shouldn't see it as evidence that she's inadequate?
Let it be said that reasonable people can disagree. They can disagree on politics, food, music, and the relative hotness of Olivia Wilde compared to Megan Fox. But when the source of the disagreement is not facts but ideology, the results can appear, to an outsider, kinda sorta maybe crazy.
See, I understand Glenn Beck on a certain level. He loves the Republican Party, and the conservative movement. Fine. I love the Yankees. I'm not saying I love the Yankees more than I love my wife. I'm just saying its a good thing I've never had to choose, Sophie's Choice-style. But I love them alot. So, when presented with a player on the Red Sox, I cannot judge his abilities as a baseball player rationally. I understand this. Kevin Youkilis was batting .400 through the month of May? So fucking what, he fucking sucks because he's a piece of shit Red Sox douchebag.
The difference between a love of the Yankees and a love of a political ideology is that the stakes are much, much lower. Its okay to be unreasonable about your sports team because there is no chance the Red Sox are going to detonate a weapon of mass destruction in Yankee Stadium. But when your love of an ideology leads you to wistfully hope for the murder of thousands of Americans to prove your point, you are no longer part of the same discussion as the rest of us. You are on the lunatic fringe.
Listen to the interview again. I've excerpted the relevant part below:
MICHAEL SHEUER (aka bearded crazy person): The only chance we have as a country right now is for Osama Bin Laden to deploy and detonate a major weapon in the United States [...] Only Osama can execute an attack which will force Americans to demand that their government protect them effectively, consistently, and with as much violence as necessary.
GLENN BECK (aka clean shaven crazy person): Which is why I was thinking this weekend that, if I was him, that would be the last thing I would do right now.
Read that again: Glenn Beck actually thinks that Osama Bin Laden will not attack the US under the current circumstances, and this is a problem for him. We need to be attacked so that we are protected, because if we aren't attacked, then we are unprotected. What? WHAT?!? What do we need protection from if he's not going to attack? What are you talking about, Glenn Beck?
If preventing an attack is the goal, then by Beck's own logic, we are succeeding! So that must mean that preventing terrorist attacks aren't actually the goal. In fact, terrorism is just a means to an end, a way of instilling a fear in the populace that conservatives can use to their political ends.
But we already knew that, of course. It's just surprising to hear someone finally come out and admit it.
Could I have picked a worse time to start following the Rockets? Minutes after jumping on the bandwagon they get blown out by the Lakers in Game 7 of their second round series. Then news breaks that my favorite player on the team, Aaron Brooks (aka "The Skycap") might be heading out of town as part of a trade that would bring the Rockets Amare Stoudamire. (Tracy McGrady for Amare Stoudamire? Somebody should tell the GMs involved that its 2009, not 2006.)
Heading to Phoenix? Allow me to take your bag, sir.
The fracture in
Yao's left foot has worsened and could be severe enough to threaten his
entire next season or even his career, depending on the success of
potential treatments he could choose, [Rockets team physician Tom] Clanton said.
[...]
Yao, who was hurt
during this year's NBA Western Conference semifinals against the Los
Angeles Lakers, is scheduled to visit specialists around the country to
choose a course of treatment. He could try a more conservative approach
by immobilizing the foot in hopes the hairline fracture in his left
tarsal navicular bone will heal on its own, as doctors predicted it
would when Yao's season ended May 8. Because Yao has no pain or other
symptoms, Clanton said there is reason to be optimistic that approach
could work.
But Clanton also
revealed Monday that a CT scan showed Yao's injury not only failed to
heal as expected but has gotten worse, potentially requiring a surgical
remedy.
The blame for this injury fails squarely on the shoulders of the Rockets. The facts are these:
The history of basketball is littered with players over seven feet tall whose careers were either cut short or never got off the ground because of injury problems. This includes promising draft picks like Sam Bowie, and Greg Oden; players who peaked for a few great years but could never recapture their skills like Ralph Sampson and Bill Walton; and freak shows like Gheorghe Muresan and Manute Bol.
Yao Ming has played year round since he came to the NBA. Part of his deal with the Chinese national team was that he would play for them during the summers instead of taking any time off. As a result, his body has been unable to recover from the aches and pains of a highly physical game, and he has worn down faster than he otherwise would have.
Yao has already had a history of injuries. His first three years in the league, he played 82, 82, and 80 games. Since then? 57, 48, 55, and 77. This past season was his most effective in four years; he didn't get injured until the second round of the playoffs.
The Rockets are supposed to be the Moneyball team of basketball. Their GM, Daryl Morey, is an MIT graduate who has spearheaded the statistical revolution in the sport. So, tell me why they were unable to figure out that making Yao play 35 minutes a game in as many games as possible was a bad idea? Why didn't he sit out the first 30 games of the season? Or limit him to 20 minutes a game until the last month?
Nope, just keep running him out there every night until his feet can't take it and his career ends. BRILLIANT STRATEGY ROCKETS.
Now that Yao is gone, can we at least bring back this logo?
You know what really grinds my gears? Somebody who quotes themselves like they were a historical figure. Like, say, in the middle of a presentation, mixed in with quotes from Churchill and Roosevelt and Martin Luther King, Jr., there is a quote from the guy giving the presentation. In fucking quotes and everything, and with a citation.
"I am a pompous douchebag who thinks that their words are so profound that they need to be carried on through the generations." - I.M. Adouche
You don't need to quote yourself! You are you! The reason that quotes exist is so that you can cite somebody's point without stealing credit for their words. But since anybody who gets quoted is obviously a person of stature - how else would we know what they said, and why else would we care - putting yourself in quotes assigns that same stature to you.
At least, that's what you are trying to do. Except it doesn't work, because its such an embarrassing thing to do, that the only status that gets assigned to you is the status of being a douchebag.
New game started: craftj2 vs killgore TWL98 12 0 rated noescape=ON challenge=VOID. craftj2's turn
[Where we join in the action, I am already leading 353 to 233]
killgore: move N6 contrail 68 Wait until your play is validated .. OK craftj2: MOVE 14H debaTes 102 * killgore makes you a request to abort the game. The offer is valid until you make a move. TELL killgore are you kidding killgore tells you: fuckin' ridiculous TELL killgore are you gonna cry all day crybaby killgore tells you: internet courage - see it all the time - congrats TELL killgore just like I see bitches bitching on the internet all the time killgore tells you: whine to your ma boy killgore tells you: suckle on her teat TELL killgore whine about what? look at the score TELL killgore try taking your beating like a man TELL killgore instead of trying to abort the game TELL killgore if anything should have been aborted its you killgore tells you: go play with yourself some more TELL killgore its more challenging than playing you TELL killgore my penis puts up more of a fight TELL killgore its also more rewarding
Yesterday, I attended a Houston Astros game. During the seventh inning stretch, Miguel Tejada was interviewed on the Jumbotron with wacky music and graphics. Who do you most want to meet, Miguel Tejada? The response: I would like to meet Michael Jackson, followed by the appearance of a picture of Michael Jackson standing next to Miguel Tejada bouncing back and forth.
Hilarious! The in-stadium clip editor put this together before he died, and nobody caught it!
Nope. Immediately after this, the image changed to Michael Jackon's picture from the album cover to "Thriller" while the title track played over the loudspeaker. The caption? Thank you Michael!! 25,000 people stood and applauded for a full thirty seconds.
They were, like the rest of the world, standing and applauding for a man who used his wealth and fame to molest children and manipulate the children's parents and the legal system.
This is not a footnote, or an asterisk to the career of a musical genius. While acknowledging that there are times that it is unfair to define a man by the worst thing he ever did, there is a threshold over which this must become the case. Serial child molestation, in my humble opinion, meets this threshold. The music career in the asterisk. So please excuse me, society, if while you stand and applaud for this man, I sit on my hands. It's a habit I got into as a child when I heard Jackson's name.
[Actress Farrah Fawcett and noted child rapist Michael Jackson both died today. Fawcett succumbed to anal and liver cancer, and Jackson suffered from heart failure. Fawcett was 62. Jackson was of varying ages, depending on which part of him we're talking about.]
The bad news is former actress and model Farrah Fawcett has died from anal cancer. The good news is I only had "anal" left on my celebrity cancer bingo card.
Farrah's former husband, Six Million Dollar Man star Lee Major, upon hearing the news, remarked that he regretted his bionic upgrades included a radioactive cock.
What do you get when you cross Farrah Fawcett with an anal tumor? - A pain in the ass with a pain in the ass.
What's the difference between Steve Jobs and Farrah Fawcett? - Their position on the organ donor recipient list.
Did you know that Farrah Fawcett was up for the Ali McGraw role in Love
Story? - She would have been great, she would just have to play herself.
What's the difference between the Tin Man and Michael Jackson? - One went to the wizard to ask for a heart, and the other molested children.
What do you get when you cross Michael Jackson with the Empire State Building? - A structurally unstable building that died of heart failure.
And, unfortunately, somebody thought of this before me:
