Meghan McCain has written an article for the Daily Beast titled "Looking For Mr. Far. Right." Please go, read that, and then come back and read my advice to her. Thanks to OC tipper Jim.
You are full of shit.
There are exactly two things that are interesting about you. The first is that you are smoking, smoking hot. The second is that your last name is McCain. And guess what? You've had the same last name for years! You haven't magically turned into John McCain's daughter since the election. This isn't even the first time your dad ran for office. For years, you have been introducing yourself as Meghan McCain. For those same years, people have responded, "Oh, like John McCain?" Inevitably, the conversation has turned to politics. Hey, too bad what happened to your dad in 2000 with that whole secret black baby thing. Hey, your dad is a real great guy, I'm all about campaign finance reform too. Hey, your dad must be retarded, because you are SPECIAL, baby.
But now, since the election, this has become a problem for you. You just can't seem to put your finger on it. You can't stand those Obama supporters, but the real hard-line McCain supporters don't do it for you either. Allow me to diagnose your problem in three easy steps:
1) You come from a political family, and politics are a part of everything you think, do, and say. 2) You can't stand Obama supporters because you are, as you admit, Looking for Mr. Far Right. 3) You can't stand those hard-line McCain supporters because you know they'll be thinking about him to become aroused instead of you.
There is a very simple solution for this: OPEN YOUR MOUTH. Your sexy, sexy mouth. Instead of writing a 2000 word column for the Daily Beast complaining, "Oh, how come these guys keep talking politics on my dates," why don't you try saying, "Hey, I know I'm John McCain's daughter and all, but I don't really want to get into politics tonight." Or something! Tell your dates! Don't tell the Daily Beast! The Daily Beast won't help you.
And try dating someone who isn't an incredibly creepy Republican hard-liner who wants to dress you up as your mom. I don't know where you found him.
Unsurprisingly for readers or anyone who knows me personally, I will be voting for Barack Obama tomorrow. Thanks to the Electoral College, my vote will be meaningless, but I believe it's a moral imperative. Beyond policy issues, which reasonable people can and do disagree about, there's a question of character. People have pointed to many different moments as to why the John McCain of 2008 doesn't much resemble the John McCain of 2000, mostly the appointment of Sarah Palin and the hiring of campagin manager Steve Schmidt, but really it came in the Fall of 2006, during the debate over the Military Commissions Act. The one that suspended habeus corpus and legalized torture. For a full refresher see this NYT Editorial written at the time.
John McCain, a former prisoner of war and victim of brutal torture, made a bold, courageous stand. With fellow moderate Republican Arlen Specter and a few others, they declared to their own party that certain things were simply not acceptable. Now, I run in pretty liberal circles, and other, more cynical people told me that it was a charade and when the chips were down, they'd vote for the bill. But I didn't believe it. Perhaps Specter, or Chafee, or Snowe, but not John McCain.
It was the last time I'd ever give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what George Bush offered him in the 'negotiations' that convinced him to switch his support to the bill, probably donor lists, contacts, and other institutional support in the 2008 primary. We do know he did get them shortly afterwards, specifically the list of Bush's "Rangers", his best fundraising bundlers.
In 2000, John McCain ran an honorable campaign, and was beaten by dirty tricks, specifically a whisper campaign in South Carolina that his adopted child was his illegitimate black baby. It was a horrible smear tactic, but it taught McCain the wrong lessons. It seems like a hard decision, but after publically endorsing torture for the party's support, his later decisions must have been more swallowable. Down in the polls in 2008, he hired the architect of that campaign to work for him:
"When then-Gov. Bush called upon Eskew, Tompkins and Rhodes to help him during the Florida recount, a senior McCain adviser told me that "when the going gets tough for Governor Bush, he turns to the darker side of our party. We saw that in South Carolina, and we see that today."
Eight years later, with a tough fight of his own, McCain has turned to one of the same men. Asked if the McCain campaign would have a comment about hiring one of the South Carolina strategists the senator and his 2000 campaign team once held responsible for smears against him, McCain 2008 spokesman Brian Rogers emailed, "No.""
He sold his principles, and the last thing America should do is reward that level of cynicism and mistrust of the public. Don't prove Tucker Eskew right.
Side note: I promise that ObscureCraft will get back to covering non-election related topics by the end of this week. But right now its all I can think about. I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve, except I'm terrified that instead of a puppy, I'm going to open a box and find a severed puppy head like Brad Pitt in Seven. The only way I can deal with my nerves is to blog. So expect about 100 more posts like this over the next 48 hours until I calm down.
I know it must be startling to you regular reader(s?) to hear that, but it is true. Although, I think that isn't really the proper way to put it. I didn't vote for Barack Obama because I think he is a transformational figure who will change the way Washington does things and usher in a new era of enlightenment and understanding and end racism and defeat the Nazis and yadda yadda yadda. I didn't really vote for Barack Obama so much as I voted against the Republican Party.
The Democrats could have run a ticket of Teri Schiavo and Beaker from the Muppets and I would have voted Schiavo/Beaker '08. It doesn't matter to me if Obama's pastor hates America, or if he and domestic terrorist William Ayers are BFFs, or if he's a secret Muslim or a socialist. The Republican Party needs to be removed from power. The actions (inactions?) and incompetence of the last eight years needs to be repudiated.
In the comments of my "Obamaganda!" entry, Undecided Man writes:
While I'm a big fan of David Sedaris, he (like most voters whose voting
pattern was pre-determined years or decades before the current
candidates were nominated) confuses thinking about the important issue
of who to vote for (which many undecideds are doing) with not thinking
about it (which, by definition, most decideds have stopped doing). My
reply to Mr. Sedaris can be found at http://www.undecidedman.com under "Naivete".
Okay, I'll bite.
To start, Sedaris is making less a point about being undecided in general than he is making a (highly partisan) point about being undecided in THIS particular election: in his (and my) view, the choice is either chicken, or a shit sandwich with bits of glass in it. Sure, maybe chicken isn't your thing, you prefer steak, or you are a vegetarian... but you aren't actually going to eat the shit sandwich, are you?
And okay, Undecided Man, you don't agree. John McCain isn't actually a shit sandwich, and Sarah Palin isn't actually little bits of glass that have been embedded in the shit sandwich. But the election is in... (does some quick math) ...13 days. Less than two weeks. In fact, you can vote right now in many places - I plan on casting my vote this Saturday at one of the early polling places here in Houston. If not decided now, then when? What exactly are you waiting for? What bit of information do you feel is lacking to make the decision?
You talk about your "decision to be undecided" as thinking about the issue. But being a decided voter at this point in the election cycle does not necessarily mean that you are choosing to vote based on a decision that was made "months or years" ago either.
John McCain has been the Republican nominee since February 5th, after he won the Super Tuesday primaries. Barack Obama has been the Democratic nominee the end of the primary calendar on June 3rd.
Going back even further, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for president on May 2nd, 2007. John McCain announced even earlier than that - March 1st, 2007. For all intents and purposes, these men have been campaigning for over 18 months. You need another 13 days? Really?
"The saddest thing about this is that My Hero was written as a celebration of the common man and his extraordinary potential," Dave Grohl wrote in a public statement. "To have it appropriated without our knowledge and used in a manner that perverts the original sentiment of the lyric just tarnishes the song."
As an amusing sidenote, Matt Yglesias argues fairly convincingly that contemporary hiphop, where "conservative values like greed and violence are frequently lauded" might make a more appropriate soundtrack. And frankly, I'd rather listen to TI mangle the English language for hours than hear one more of the trainwrecks of faux-folksy dependant clauses that vomit themselves out every time Sarah Palin opens her mouth.
Once in awhile, I come across an idea that seems so obvious, so plain, and so in tune with how I think, I can only shake my fists at the sky in fury. That idea should have been mine!
Although it is hardly alone on the internet, this is the best website documenting all the things that are younger than presidential candidate John McCain. Some of the things I was genuinely surprised to find are younger than John McCain? The microwave oven, zip codes, and penicillin.
But chronicling items younger than John McCain is nothing compared to what the sick twisted mind at this website is up to. I Miss My Mommy is a blog ostensibly written in the first person by Trig Palin, the Downs Syndrome afflicted newborn of vice-presidential candidate/Miss Wassilla 1984 winner Sarah Palin. Almost as amusing as Trig Palin wistfully lamenting why his mommy left him ("Cause I'm a librul [...] Mommy haytes libruls") are the comments from readers enraged by the existence of the site itself. Some of my favorite comments:
"I have 3 members of my Family that have learning issues, you make me sick!"
"You, the moron behind this blog, get a life. If you can't do that, go masturbate at pictures of Michelle Obamanation or Barbara Streisand or Maria Cantwell." [How do you masturbate at pictur... wait, never mind.]
"Just to let you know, I've flagged this blog as offensive and this
little liberal sewer is getting eviscerated on Digg, where I've also
advocated everyone to flag this blog. It honestly doesn't surprise me
to read such crudity coming from the minds of the Left. Not anymore." [Eviscerated on Digg? Heavens no!]
I would die of happiness if I could get anyone to comment on my blog with that kind of vitriol. Seriously. Somebody post here and tell me how much I have offended them.
And finally, since we here at ObscureCraft want to follow in the steps of MSNBC and try to shed our liberal bias, I give you my favorite Obama site. Here to mock his idolization by his followers that is completely out of proportion with anything he has actually done for the country so far: BOIYNB.
With the Pandora's Box of hilarity that is Sarah Palin, it's easy to forget the O.G. of terrible candidates, John McCain. However, he's been doing his best to keep from being overshadowed by apparently declaring war on musicians.
The most recent is Heart: Palin's nickname is Barracuda, causing the campaign to use it post-speech.
"The Republican campaign did not ask for permission to use the song,
nor would they have been granted that permission. We have asked the
Republican campaign publicly not to use our music. We hope our wishes
will be honored."
McCain, who runs an honorable, respectful campaign in no way influenced by Rove protege Steve Schmidt, did not honor them, using the song again after his own speech.
"I think it's completely unfair to be so misrepresented. I feel
completely fucked over."
They issued another statement following:
"Sarah Palin's views and values in NO WAY represent us as American
women. We ask that our song 'Barracuda' no longer be used to promote
her image. The song 'Barracuda' was written in the late '70s as a
scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music
business, particularly for women. (The 'barracuda' represented the
business.) While Heart did not and would not authorize the use of their
song at the RNC, there's irony in Republican strategists' choice to
make use of it there."
But this is no one off event.
Van Halen: Van Halen management tells us the band had no idea McCain was planning
on using "Right Now" during his big entrance in Ohio telling us,
"Permission was not sought or granted nor would it have been given."
John Hall: Yes, Rep. John Hall (D-NY). In delightful irony, George Bush did the same thing a few years earlier.
"This is yet another example of John McCain not learning anything from
George Bush's mistakes," Hall wrote First Read in an interview over
e-mail. "First, McCain adopted Bush's failed policy of an open-ended
war in Iraq, then he wrapped his arms around the failed Bush economic
policies that have put the squeeze on middle class families. Now, he's
making the same mistake George Bush made illegally using a copyrighted
song without asking either the writers or the performers for
Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, asked and got permission to use the song at her rallies.
Yes, the diehard Democrat who actually stumped with possible babydaddy John Edwards for months last year.
"Mellencamp hasn't yet made a public response, but his reps are quietly
reaching out to McCain and asking him to stop playing his tunes.
(McCain's press office did not immediately respond to a request for
Yes, anti-nuclear activist Jackson Browne is suing the campaign. Why? Far from simply playing the song at a rally, the McCain camp set one of their ads to "Running on Empty" without bothering to license it or even sending a postcard. Unfortunately thanks to McCain-Feingold's Campaign Finance Reform, the settlement he's likely to receive will not go to McCain's opponent, as Browne has already maxed out his donation to Obama's campaign. Perhaps, in a blatant violation of the spirit if not letter of McCain-Feingold, he'll set up a 527. Just like John McCain.
Back during his primary campaign, he "found out that he has few fans in Scandinavia when he tried to adopt
Abba's "Take a chance on me" as his campaign song. After running into
difficulties with the Swedish supergroup, McCain lamented to reporters
on board his plane that it wasn't as easy to play the song as he
"It gets expensive in a big hurry and if you're not careful you can
alienate some Swedes," he joked."If word gets out to Stockholm that
we're using Abba music, then there'll be a worsening in U.S.-Swedish relations.""
Apparently this poor experience with the costs of licensing is the reason he's stopped even asking, much less paying.
McCain's people MUST have known about Stephen Colbert's "Make McCain Exciting Challenge." In case you didn't: McCain gave a speech in front of a green screen earlier in the campaign. Colbert grabbed the footage, threw it online, and let Colbert Nation have their way with it. Well, have their way they did.
McCain's people must think that, by getting his face onto The Colbert Report, he will benefit from the Colbert bump. He wouldn't be the first one.
The Colbert bump is very, very real. Mike Huckabee rode that bump, after a series of appearances on the Report, all the way to brief front-runner status early in the campaign.
(Holy Jesus, he's in front of a blue screen now. Does he know that they can use those too?)
In just a few years, Colbert has gone from second (or third) banana on The Daily Show to one of the most influential people in the world. Don't believe me? Well, don't take my word for it.From Vanity Fair:
"There's no denying the growing stature of
his 30-minute faux evening talk show. This year he asked Hillary
Clinton for audio/video-technician tips, and queried Michelle Obama on how "hope" and "change" fit into the Obama household discussions (as in "I hope that you will change
the cat litter"). According to one study, the "Colbert Bump"--originally
a self-deprecating gag--actually exists. After Democrats appeared on The Colbert Report,
they saw a fund-raising jump of 44 percent the following month. Even
Republican Mike Huckabee tripled his approval numbers when he went on
Influential, intelligent, quick-witted, and oh so good looking. What's not to love? Oops - I think I've got a little Colbert bump of my own. If you know what I mean.