Results filed under: “enemies”

@ August 3, 2010

I'd like to think that I contributed to her decision to quit in some small way.

She really was horrible.


@ August 26, 2009

Alright, I get it. You don't want to hear about electric cars anymore. That's fine. My lips are sealed.


Really, who cares, right? It's not like its the most important technological innovation in the transportation industry since the invention of the internal combustion engine. I'll just zip it.

What. Ever.

I'll just be quiet and you can get all your information on the future of electric vehicles elsewhere. Like, say, The Economist. Sure, that information may be coming from some brain dead hack who doesn't even know what he's talking about WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU EDITORS OF THE ECONOMIST WHY WOULD YOU LET SOMEBODY SAY THIS

The EPA has yet to reveal its draft methodology for testing the Volt and other plug-ins. It clearly takes into account some contribution from the vehicle's petrol-powered generator. It also seems to factor in the cost of the electricity (a national average of 11 cents per kilowatt-hour is quoted) used to recharge the battery. But how 230mpg can be claimed for the Volt is difficult to fathom*.

Then the Volt's 1.4 litre petrol-engine has to kick in to cover the extra ten miles--not to drive the wheels directly, like the Prius's engine does, but to recharge the battery, which then feeds juice to the electric motor, which, in turn, drives the wheels. If that were an efficient way of delivering torque to the wheels, all cars would have electric transmission systems instead of mechanical ones. They don't, for good reason**. So expect no more than 20mpg*** for a car the size and weight of the Volt when running under petrol power.
That is not only demonstrably wrong, but monstrously stupid. Hey, let's get rid of all these inefficient wires and power our refrigerators with drive shafts tied to windmills! Because its so much more efficient that way like in the cars driven by Economist authors on their way to "how to be smart" classes in opposite land****.

My point is, there is a lot of stupidity in the world. Stupidity that wraps itself in smart sounding words, like "Economist" and "The". So maybe next time you think, "oh there goes Jesse again, talking about some stupid science shit," your next thought will be, "Well, it could be worse. I could be reading The Economist."

With that said, sit back and read while I calculate the equivalent miles per gallon of a pony-electric hybrid.

Guess how many horsepower the engine is?

* It isn't difficult to fathom, its pretty fucking easy. I'm not saying that everybody can do it, but maybe if you can't do it right, don't fucking write about it.

** That good reason is because it is expensive, not because its inefficient. That's how trains work. Its called a diesel-electric. You are called an idiot.

*** Try 50 MPG. Not 20. I guess the vehicle lost some efficiency while you were digesting the facts and then pulling them out of your ass. I hear that can be an inefficient process.

**** Oh snap!!

@ June 5, 2009

Just so we are clear, Craigslist, you had no problem with this ad?

KANNAPOLIS, N.C. -- Craigslist is drawing new scrutiny after a North Carolina man was charged with using the popular online classified site to fulfill his own fantasy by finding someone to rape his wife at knifepoint while he watched.

The woman said Thursday she has been "traumatized" by the attack, which she did not know about ahead of time. It happened a month after Craigslist agreed to overhaul its policing of sex ads following a slaying in Massachusetts.
And this guy was free to use your service?

BOSTON - A Boston medical student accused of targeting women who advertised exotic services on Craigslist was ordered held without bail Tuesday on charges that he sought to rob a masseuse, but bashed her in the head and shot her through the heart when she fought back.
But I can't have a goddamn INTERN?

Your posting has been flagged for removal.

Approximately 98% of postings removed are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines.

Please make sure you are abiding by all posted site rules, including our terms of use:

If you need help figuring out why your posting was flagged, try asking in our flag help forum: Include posting title, body, category, city, how often posted, any images, HTML markup, etc.

If your posting was wrongly flagged down (2% of flagged ads are) please accept our apologies and feel free to repost.

Sorry for the hassle, and thanks for your understanding.

Approximately 98% are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines, huh? Well, approximately 100% of this is bullshit. I even reposted in the ad without the word in ass in it, and IT. GOT. TAKEN. DOWN. A. SECOND. FUCKING. TIME. FUCK. YOU. CRAIGSLIST.

If I promise to rape and murder my intern, can I have one then? You assholes.

@ May 28, 2009


I did business with a company located in: the United States

My complaint involves: my vehicle

My complaint involves: the vehicle itself (repair issue)

My complaint about my vehicle involves: repair or service issue involving an independent shop or dealer and unrelated to the manufacturer's warranty

Company name: Steve's Automotive By The Galleria

Primary classification of problem: Selling practices

Secondary classification of problem: Customer service issues

Tell us about your problem:

I brought my vehicle to Steve's Automotive to be serviced. My wife received a call the following day informing us that the necessary repair would cost $950. After speaking with her, I agreed that I would go to the shop to speak with the mechanic directly, because the car is an older car and we would have to get rid of the car before making a repair of that amount.

I met with the mechanic in charge of my vehicle and, after a brief conversation, I found that the car did not require all the repairs that were on the original invoice. The shop was attempting to sell me components that were not necessary to get the car running. The original repair invoice included a new distributor, ignition wires, and an ignition coil. These parts totaled about $500. The remaining $450 was for three hours of labor to make the repairs and a $70 diagnostic fee.

After I disputed the need for a new distributor and ignition wires, the mechanic modified the invoice to include only a new ignition cap and rotor, and an ignition coil. The total for these parts was now $150. My new total, including a modification of the labor hours required, was $430, which I paid. This is less than half the total that the shop tried to charge my wife.

I believe that the mechanic attempted to charge my wife a "woman tax" for the car repairs, hoping that she would not know enough about the repairs to protest the charges. It is my understanding that this constitutes a predatory business practice, and it is my hope that it is treated as such. In any event, I will never use Steve's Automotive again.

Desired settlement: No settlement requested

Desired outcome: If the BBB finds that Steve's Automotive is making a practice of overcharging women for car repairs, it is my hope that they have their membership removed.  

@ May 22, 2009

OC tipper yaworm sends me the following link, under the subject line "Fury bait". It's scary how well he knows me.

The name of the article is Plug-In Electric Cars Are Not The Future. The name of the author is Michael Kwan. The name of the magazine is Mobile Magazine. You, dear reader, have hopefully read enough of my articles on this subject that you will know how I respond to this nonsense before I actually respond. In fact, it is my hope that one day a response to such nonsense is no longer necessary. Since we do not yet live in such a world, let's begin with the vivisection of this bullshit.

@ March 4, 2009

There are lies, there are damn lies, and then there is the total bullshit that comes out of George Will's mouth.

George Will is a columnist for the Washington Post, and a global warming skeptic.  Actually, I take that back.  Skeptic implies that there is a debate and honest intellectual position to be taken on either side. George Will is a global warming denier, with the same connotation as that for a Holocaust denier: he covers his eyes and ears to the truth, and then shouts his position as loud as he can so he doesn't have to hear the echo of his lies coming back to him.

In his most recent column on global warming, Will repeats with a straight-face a number of thoroughly debunked global warming denial talking points. 

In the 1970s, "a major cooling of the planet" was "widely considered inevitable" because it was "well established" that the Northern Hemisphere's climate "has been getting cooler since about 1950" (New York Times, May 21, 1975). Although some disputed that the "cooling trend" could result in "a return to another ice age" (the Times, Sept. 14, 1975), others anticipated "a full-blown 10,000-year ice age" involving "extensive Northern Hemisphere glaciation" (Science News, March 1, 1975, and Science magazine, Dec. 10, 1976, respectively)"
Look how his extensive citations make this look like well-researched material! Rather than do the legwork myself to point out the bullshit, I'll lean on the analysis done by George Monbiot on his blog:

... despite active efforts to answer these questions, the following pervasive myth arose: there was a consensus among climate scientists of the 1970s that either global cooling or a full-fledged ice age was imminent ... A review of the climate science literature from 1965 to 1979 shows this myth to be false. The myth's basis lies in a selective misreading of the texts both by some members of the media at the time and by some observers today. In fact, emphasis on greenhouse warming dominated the scientific literature even then.
In other words, George Will has cherry picked from four articles out of hundreds that were published on climate change at the time, and drawn his pre-determined conclusion from there. If that was all he did, there wouldn't be much to get upset about. But the bullshit hose so far has been set to a trickle compared to the soaking you are about to get:

Since September, however, the increase in sea ice has been the fastest change, either up or down, since 1979, when satellite record-keeping began.
Back to Monbiot:

I can find no evidence of this. The published evidence suggests that the increase in Arctic sea ice this year has been significantly lower than the average since 1979, and follows a very similar trajectory to that of 2006-07.
Let me say it plainer: George Will is lying. He is a liar. Somebody should tell George Will to drop and roll, because his pants are on fire. And these are lies that have been printed in a major city newspaper. People read this, and think it is true, and form opinions based on it!

Will again:

According to the University of Illinois' Arctic Climate Research Center, global sea ice levels now equal those of 1979.

When I contacted to the Arctic Climate Research Center to ask if this claim was correct, the Center's Bill Chapman wrote this:

"No, it is not correct. I don't know where they are getting that. As of today, there are 1.43m km sq less Arctic sea ice than this same date in 1979. (Roughly the size of two Texas-sized states)."

Lies. Flat out, bald faced lies. And here's another:

Besides, according to the U.N. World Meteorological Organization, there has been no recorded global warming for more than a decade, or one-third of the span since the global cooling scare.


The most recent WMO statement (pdf) shows a continuing warming trend over the past decade, and reports that "the linear warming trend over the past 50 years (0.13C per decade) is nearly twice that for the past 100 years."

An entire article filled with easily-disproved lies was published in a major American newspaper. Friend of the site Sam Wilkinson recently commented on the sad state of American journalism. You will find no sadder example than this.

@ February 19, 2009

As the Fox News helicopter films traffic on a highway west of downtown Houston with a large swath of grass to either side...

"Thanks Don for those images from SkyFox, looks like there's alot of green around those highways if they need to expand them..."
And with that, Erin Anthony, Fox 26 Houston morning traffic reporter, became part of the problem. 

What's that you say, Don? There is still some green space left in Houston city-limits? Quick! Call the Mayor! Tell him to get his head out from in between Obama and MLK for a second! Somebody needs to put a highway on that shit! We can't defeat the terrorists until every square inch of America is paved over!

Maybe we should be concerned with more important things, Erin Anthony, like why you feel the need to give us your awful, uninformed opinions on transportation infrastructure. Or lwhy you insist on being a fat unattractive woman on my television in the morning.  Why can't you be more like NBC local news anchor Dominique Sachse?

Oh my yes.  If her face is pulled that tight, can you imagine the rest of her? And she doesn't have opinions on ANYTHING.

But not you, Erin Anthony.  Nothing about you is tight, including your assessment of Houston's infrastructure needs.  You are part of the problem, Erin Anthony. You. Are. Part. Of. The. Problem.

(Okay, I have to say one more thing about Dominique. In addition to being a stone-cold news fox, she takes part in what may be the best/worst thing I have ever seen in a local news broadcast.  Watch the video below, and skip to the two minute mark. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: THE WHEEL OF JUSTICE. And yes, there is an actual wheel.)

@ February 12, 2009

"What Alex did was wrong and he will have to live with the damage he has done to his name and reputation. [...] While Alex deserves credit for publicly confronting the issue, there is no valid excuse for using such substances, and those who use them have shamed the game. [...] It is important to remember that these recent revelations relate to pre-program activity. Under our current drug program, if you are caught using steroids and/or amphetamines, you will be punished. Since 2005, every player who has tested positive for steroids has been suspended for as much as 50 games."
Bud Selig became the acting commissioner of baseball in 1992, after a vote of no-confidence by the owners forced out former commissioner Fay Vincent.  Under Selig's watch, Major League Baseball was unable to come to terms with the player's union during the 1994 season, resulting in a strike that subsequently wiped out that year's World Series. 

The following season, attendance and TV ratings plummeted, and stayed low for years.  At the same time, strange things were happening on the field.  Balls starting flying out of the yard at a ridiculous pace.  Here are some statistics:

  • 18 times in a season has a player hit 55 or more home runs in a single season - 12 of them happened since the strike. 
  • The top 12 - twelve - most prolific home run hitting teams of all time played since the 1994 strike.  
  • 41 times has a player hit 50 or more home runs in a season - 23 of those seasons were in the last 15 years
Inexplicable statistical blips showed up on the home run tallies.  Brady Anderson hit 50 in 1996, in between seasons of 16 and 18 - he hit 206 in his entire 15 year career.   Greg Vaughn hit 355 home runs over a 15 year career, and 50 of them were in the 1998 season, a year after hitting 18.  Oh, and then there is this:

barry-bonds.jpgOh, and this.

sammy-sosa.jpgWhen Alex Rodriguez says about his steroid use: "Back then it was a different culture," he isn't just making excuses.  When you drive to work tomorrow, are you going to strictly obey the speed limit, or are you going to drive as fast as you want? Forget what the rules are, or what the sign says: if everybody is doing it, why can't you do it? If the authorities look the other way, or only one in every 200 people speeding get a ticket, then why not do it?

Alex Rodriguez did steroids because EVERYBODY did steroids.  Shit, A-Rod showed restraint by waiting until 2001! And EVERYBODY did steroids because the other players, the coaches, the insufferably holier-than-thou and incredibly full of shit sportswriters, and the administrators of the game looked the other way.  They had to look the other way to avoid looking at Barry Bond's enormous forehead.  The steroids brought the home runs, and the home runs brought back the fans.  So they all looked the other way, because the game needed steroids. 

Bud Selig, you were the commissioner of baseball through all of this.  You could have done something about it.  Forget about the player's union standing in the way of testing - guys were doing steroids in the clubhouses! Don't tell me you couldn't do anything! You. Were. The. Commissioner. YOU COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING. But you looked the other way, because the homers brought people back to the game that you nearly destroyed by allowing the players to strike. 

You are a disingenuous asshole. The only one who should be ashamed is you.

@ January 31, 2009

From: We Know Promo

On behalf of the company that runs We Know Promo and employs the Suze, I thank you for pointing out two of Suzi's blog posts I missed.  In the new age of Obama, I encourage you to talk with your enemies. Write them letters. Send them poems.

As for We Know Promo getting scooped, I'm not sure that's accurate.  After reviewing both posts, I have to say that the Suze did a more thoughtful job with her post.

*       (Response to joem) Even though Suzi's post on WKP aren't laced with profanity, we enjoy her colorful language around the office.
*       (Response to Jim) As a marketing company, of course we thought of "We Know Porno" which made "We Know Promo" hard to resist.  On the porno side, it's a little outside of our core competency but we tip our hat to free porn sites like who do an outstanding job. errrr. or so I've heard.  Unofficially, we consider ourselves "Promosexuals" because our marketing and promotional ideas are always sexy and hard to resist.  I also agree with Jim that you should step away from the animated gif.

*       (Response to Suzi) Even though Jesse bogarted your pictogram, I submit my pictogram below as a better alternative.  Go ahead and leave it up to your readers to vote on.  Also, if you're interested in porn blogging, ummm. I've HEARD that has a great rating and blogging tool below each post.

Have a good weekend, new enemy. While you're scooping blogs across the internet, why don't you take a minute to consider - WWBBD - what would Brian Boitano do?



[ed. note: as an aside, I'm sure we will all be glad to hear that the Suze found to be unoccupied, and she has purchased the domain name. Feel free to insert an economic stimulus joke here.]

@ January 30, 2009

Hey, have you ever wondered why the Suze doesn't blog here more often? Do you miss her sass and misunderstanding of football and penis drawings? Well, don't blame me.  Blame We Know Promo.

That's right, the Suze has been blogging elsewhere.  Now they are my enemies. It doesn't matter that We Know Promo happens to be run by the company the Suze works for and she actually gets paid for that blogging, or if its employees represent 80% of the people that I know in Houston, or 20% of the people who read this website.  None of that matters, because we are enemies now.

If you clicked over to that website you may have noticed something interesting.  The Suze was blogging about the mysterious, cryptic ad for "G".  Didn't I already blog about the mysterious, cryptic ad for "G"? In fact, didn't my post even include a little pictogram too? That's right, We Know Promo. You got scooped. SCOOPED. You should change your blog name from We Know Promo to WE GOT SCOOPED.  You got scooped like a Baskin Robbins next door to a Lane Bryant.

That's how I roll with my enemies.  Watch me scoop Akiyo's blog, 365 of East Bay: AKIYO HAD A MEETING TODAY. Scooped. That is how I roll.

@ January 13, 2009

I thought we were friends, Akiyo.  Then I see this on your blog, 365 of East Bay, the other day:

I like Jimbo's blog. I guess it's more fun because I know him a little bit more than reading some stranger's blog. Jessie's blog is fun for anyone to read, I think.
Do you see anything wrong with that sentence? Hmm? Do you? No, not just that my name was spelled wrong.  I have grown used to that.  No, here is the problem: you mentioned my blog, but there is no link.

Where is the link, Akiyo? Where is it? Where. Is. The. Link. WHERE IS IT?!?!?

There is no link.  You mentioned my blog without linking to it.  I don't know: maybe that's how they do things out in SAN FRAN-cisco, but here in Texas, we link to each other's blogs.  Maybe that's just because here, in REAL America, we treat each other with respect and dignity.  We don't go around not linking to each other.

I thought we had something special, Akiyo.  You would read my blog, I would read your blog.  You'd ask me where to get hedgehogs, I'd tell you they were illegal.  But then you go and pull a Pearl Harbor on me like this.  It is wrong, Akiyo.  IT IS WRONG.  And just like after Pearl Harbor, I am declaring war.

@ November 7, 2008

This has been a long time coming, Wired.  You can't say that you didn't ask for it.  First, you wrote one of the most ignorant, arbitrarily contrarian articles I have ever seen, where you state that the way to fight global warming was to drive SUVs and kill owls.  Hey, Wired? I got another way to fight global warming: stop blowing all that smoke out of your ass.

But if I was going to make everyone who said something stupid my enemy, I'd be sitting alone in my cabin in the woods clinging to my guns and religion and antipathy to people who aren't like me.  So I gave Wired a pass.  But now they have gone too far.  They've made it personal.

This morning, Kevin sends me a link to a review of an electric bicycle: "Is this the one you bought?"

No, Kevin, it isn't.  Are you judging me now, too? Because Wired sure is.  No, the bike I purchased is the Europa by Ultra Motor, pictured here.   After my first 400 miles on the bike, I can tell you that:

Not by any stretch of the imagination should you expect to get 20 miles to a charge.  15 miles, tops.

It goes 20 miles an hour, unless there is a stiff breeze.  That can take you down to 16-17.

But I still love it.  It gets me to and from work while only taking 15 minutes longer than if I was taking the car.  I can now go 2 weeks or more between trips to the gas station.  Girls smile at me, and not just because my helmet makes me look "special".  And its good for the environment.

Apparently, I shouldn't be happy.  I should be ashamed of myself.  From Wired's review for the Giant Twist Freedom DX:

"A true hybrid, the Twist has no throttle. It relies on both pedal power and an unobtrusive, yet sturdy 300-watt motor to set you on your way. If you don't pedal, there's no power and that's just the way Giant [...] thinks it ought to be."
Oh, really? That's how it OUGHT to be?  Well, here's how I think it ought to be, Wired: I think that if I'm spending $2000 on a bike, the goddamn thing better pedal for me, steer for me, and fix me a sandwich.  I think that it should keep its batteries somewhere other than my saddlebags, because I'm already using those.   And it should look like it comes from the not-to-distant future.  What's the point of having an electric bike if nobody can tell? How will Mexicans riding in the backs of pickup trucks know to give you thumbs up?

If electric bikes are going to catch on, people are going to buy the one that is easier to use.  Period.  That is the whole point behind putting a motor on it in the first place.  But, hey, if people actually started riding electric bikes, then they wouldn't drive their SUVs anymore, and we have to drive SUVs to fix global warming, right?

@ September 7, 2008

It is no secret that, as a whole, the viewing public has terrible taste in movies.  Out of the top 10 grossing movies of all time, there are two all-time classics (Star Wars and E.T.), one great movie (The Return of the King), one good movie (Spiderman), 5 floating turds (2 Star Wars prequels, a Pirates of the Carribean movie, Shrek 2), and one sinking turd (Titanic). 

The trend is, as always, downwards.  Last summer was the summer of sequel sequels.  No less than 12 movies that came out last summer were at least the third movie in a franchise.  Yes, 12.  And this year, every comic book ever published was turned into a movie before July was over.  Hollywood is completely out of original movie ideas.  What they are not out of is ways to shove these terrible movies down the gullet of the movie watching public.

It's been a long time since most major releases made any significant money on their theatrical runs.  For big summer flicks, the theatrical run serves as little more than a marketing campaign for the DVD release.  Until recent years, the money was made on video rentals at chains like Blockbuster (these days its cheapo DVD purchases at Wal-Mart).  The considerable evils of Blockbuster have been well documented, but at least the possibility of finding a movie that wasn't in 3000 theaters six months ago still existed among the racks.  Netflix and Blockbuster Online have further expanded the ability of video watchers to search the back catalogs to find an off the beaten path selection.
redbox.jpgThis is anathema to the movie release-as-promotional tool business model.  Enter the Redbox rental kiosks.  You can find them in Wal-Mart, McDonald's, supermarkets, and anywhere else you'd find harried parents, screaming offspring in tow, looking to find a cheap night's entertainment with the least possible effort.  And these kiosks only offer the latest Hollywood releases - for $1 per night. 

And thus the death spiral of Hollywood creativity is completed.

What can we do? If I had unlimited disposable income, I would travel around town to every Redbox, rent as many copies of The Bucket List as I could and replace them with copies of Straw Dogs.

People go and rent the latest release because they have no better ideas.  Sure, there are lists of the 100 Greatest Movies from AFI, or Roger Ebert's Great Movies project, but sometimes a "great movie" isn't what the people want.  So, in that spirit, I propose the Movie Night Movie project.

Here are the criteria for a movie night movie:

- Under 105 minutes long
- A "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes
- Domestic gross of under $50 million

And that's it.  Send me your suggestions or post them in the comments below. Together we can defeat the ugly scourge of the Redboxes.

Edit: In response to Jim's suggestions below, I am adding a criteria which I original meant to put in, which is that a Movie Night Movie cannot have been nominated for any of what I consider the top 5 Academy Awards - those are Picture, Director, Actor, Actress, and Screenplay.

@ May 18, 2008

There are some that say I'm too quick to make enemies.  "Oh Jesse," they say, "so what if your food got here 30 minutes later than everyone else? Does that really mean that you have to never go to Bombers again?" Yes it does motherfuckers! I want my nachos!

But this isn't about nachos.  Oh, if only it was about nachos.  Nobody is going to call me out for overreacting on this one.

Saturday, 4 am: Wake up to return my rental car and check in at the airport in Houston for my flight home via Charlotte.

8 am: Arrive in Charlotte.  Flight scheduled to depart at 1:15pm, so it's already going to be a long day.

1 pm: "Due to delays in Newark, we will be pushing the departure time back until 2."

2 pm: Been on the plane for 30 minutes.  We are parked on the tarmac with the engines off, meaning the air condition is off.  We are now notified that departure has been pushed back until 3:30, so we will be pulling into a gate so that passengers can deplane until we are ready to depart.

3 pm: We pulled into a gate, alright, but it's in the international concourse, so customs won't let anyone off the plane.  The flight attendants hand out cups of water.  Hooray, my problems are solved.  I lean over to Suzi and tell her: We are not leaving Charlotte tonight.

5 pm: After three and a half hours of sitting on a cramped airplane with no air conditioning, we are told the flight has been canceled by Newark air traffic control.  Oh, and by the way, since the airline is "not responsible" (whatever the fuck that means), we will not be compensated for any hotel or food expenses.  Have a nice evening.  I am not told to go fuck myself; they probably don't care either way.

6 pm: The bags have all been off-loaded from the plane.  The bag with my suit has arrived, but the luggage with the rest of my and Suzi's clothes has not.  I am told that they don't know where the bag is, because this is the connecting flight.  Did it get on the plane at Houston? They don't know.  Will it be arriving tonight? They don't know.  Can I file a lost baggage claim here? No, you have to file that at your final destination.  Suzi becomes visibly upset, and needs to be soothed with chocolate.  After 12 hours in airports, sweaty and disgusting, we will not have a change of clothes.

So here I sit, in an Econolodge in Charlotte, North Carolina.  Chinese food is on the way, and Law and Order is on.  I'll be on the 11 am US Airways flight back to Newark, and then I'll never be on a US Airways flight again. 

@ April 21, 2008


State Farm has pulled its anti-bike commuter ad from the airwaves.  Here is an excerpt from their press release, via Streetsblog:

As I mentioned in an earlier comment, I am sorry the advertisement offended anyone. Our intention with this particular ad was to recognize and empathize with the everyday challenge of high gas prices, and suggest that State Farm could help by providing lower auto insurance rates than a person may be receiving from their current provider.


During the past few days, I discussed the perception of this advertisement with others at State Farm, and we decided the right thing to do would be to discontinue it. We will remove this ad as quickly as possible from the current rotation schedule.

But not to worry, insurance companies! As long as one of you keeps stepping up to fill the void with an ad that depicts bike commuting as horrible, shameful, and humiliating, one of you will always have a place on my enemies list.  State Farm is stepping down, but Farmers Insurance is stepping up.  Behold!

Watch the grown man ride a child's bicycle! Gawk as he peddles furiously down the street! Laugh as a heavily polluting truck backfires smoke into his face! Shake your fist as he slows traffic on the freeway! And finally, pick up your phone and call Farmers Insurance to make sure you never have to exert any physical energy on your commute as he struggles up a hill to his suburban house. 

@ April 6, 2008

When I redesigned the site, I created my "Obscure friends" list as a way of letting all the friends of ObscureCraft share in all the traffic this site generates.  It has since come to my attention that the only people who read this site are the ones that are already Obscure friends.  Very well, then.  Instead of directing the masses to my friends, I will direct my friends to my enemies! Read that sentence again if you have to. 

I give you the inaugural class of my Obscure enemies list.

State Farm insurance
My feud with State Farm has already been well documented.  Indeed, the backlash is continuing to grow.  State Farm can work its way off this list with either a public flogging of the ad executive responsible, or maybe just an apology.  I haven't decided yet.

The Hater
As with State Farm, The Hater being added to my enemies list should not be news to anyone who reads this space regularly.  For posterity, here is photographic evidence of The Hater's crimes against me.


The Boston Red Sox

Before 2004, Boston knew its place.  The Red Sox were Charlie Brown, and the Yankees were Lucy.  They might get close, but you always knew the Yankees were going to pull that football away.  Then, all of a sudden, Boston fans became the most insufferable fans. 

Well you know what, all you Yankee haters that accused them of buying a championship all those years? Guess what World Series winner had the highest payroll? That's right, the 2007 Boston Red Sox.  Oh, and guess who is second? That's right, the 2004 Boston Red Sox. And its not even close.

Oh, and by the way: George Mitchell (of the Mitchell report on steroids), who is a part owner of the Boston Red Sox, just happens to find more Yankees than any other team were juicing? Way to find an impartial investigator, Major League Baseball.  Now I have to listen to people carry on about Roger Clemens and Jason Giambi while David Ortiz and his enormous forehead and cheesy facial hair are celebrated.  I call bullshit. Bullshit!


friendlys_happy_ending.jpgA visit to Friendly's ends in only two ways: you go their for lunch or dinner and it is disgusting, or you go their for ice cream and wait 2 hours.  These are you options.  How is this chain still in business?

An in case anyone doubts the extent to which I hate Friendly's, last time a group of people tried to get me to set foot inside, they found themselves without a ride home.


In case a collapsing economy, an endless war, global warming, and the popularity of TMZ weren't enough to upset you, guess what: entropy is marching us towards the unstoppable heat death of the universe.  Entropy is a bitch.

Toothpaste For Dinner


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